Title: Re: [QUAD-L] Relationships and Romances
I guess I'm different. I'm very independent and not really fond of
people doing stuff for me. I like to do stuff for other people even if
they are AB. I rarely ask for anything unless I need something put away or
to get something down from where I can't reach but that isn't very
often. I have my friend that helps me w/the waiver program and count
on her for that stuff. I love doing things especially for the man in my
life. I guess that makes me the nurturer.
Stacy
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, February 12, 2005 5:56
PM
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Relationships and
Romances
I�ve
contemplated a relationship with another person with disability... Andrea
continues 2 pursue me :) I love her but truly as a friend. Her dis ability is
not the reason I�m not pursuing her 4 a relationship. I was trying 2 get a
relationship going with Tansy a quad that lives in Richmond, In. she steered
me toward friendship. I know a few couples that are both chair users.
All
& all a person in a chair subconsciously wants an AB or someone 2 be able
2 help or provide what we lack. Also don�t opposites attack???
On
2/9/05 1:20 PM, "[EMAIL PROTECTED]" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
wrote:
I'm like Ron to where I have read all these posts
but I will sit here and smile, chuckle and shake my head. We have
talked about this subject many times before and it's OK to continue because
of the new members on the list. There is no right or wrong answers to
all the questions just like there is no wrong questions to ask.
I have what so many of you want because I am married.�.
But do I? I'm going on 23 years of marriage with absolutely no
romance at all. My wife was not very sexual to begin with even while I
was walking and since my injury she has not touch me in any sexual or
romantic way at all. I feel fortunate enough to get a peck in the
mornings when she is going off to work and maybe I will get one when I go to
bed. That is the extent to our physical contact. She has never
been a good communicator and would always get upset if I ask to many
questions and that continues to this day. She has always been a
homebody and for the most part would only go out if we had something planned
with friends or family. Basically, she would do what she wanted to do
and do what she had to do. Is this romance or a relationship? I
would have to say no. Personally, I think she is only sticking around
because of finances but truthfully our relationship has not changed all that
much since I've been injured except for the fact she is more stubborn and
has started smart remarks. Should I divorce her? My answer is
no. Why should I give up my home that I worked so hard to get and keep
and why should I give up seeing my children on a daily basis? There is
that old saying "It's always greener on the other side of the fence."
In my experience through life it is NOT always greener on the other
side of the fence. I have a good situation with my living because my
place is pretty accessible plus I'm able to be around my children. I
live my life day by day and make the best out of my situation. I know
my life could be a lot worse and I know that there are others in worse
predicaments then myself.
There is all this talk about having a
relationship with an able-bodied person. Why isn't there any talk
about having a relationship with somebody else in a wheelchair? Can't
two quadriplegics or two paraplegics or a paraplegic and a quadriplegic
hookup and have a wonderful relationship? Of course they can but that
is never brought up. Having a sexual relationship might be very tough
to have or even out of the question but there is so much more to a
relationship than sex. Sex is so far down on my list of wants and
needs that I do not even think about it hardly anymore. I would take a
relationship with loving and caring and good companionship with
communication over just a sexual relationship anytime. Yes, it would
be great to have both but in our conditions that just might not be possible.
I can continue but I will stop for
now.
Jim
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