Dear Quad-list,
My life has been filled with its biggest challenges in the past year.
August 2, 2004 I had a life-changing diving accident that left me paralyzed
from my chest down. I'm considered a quadriplegic because I have a little
inervasion in my triceps and wrist flexors and I don't have any independent
movement of my fingers.
I was a 31-year-old, married, father of two, a successful chef, and a
modern man of the house. After my accident, it was unclear what I would be able
to do. The doctors made no promises, but I was told that my injury is
considered incomplete, which means there's a chance to regain at least some
movement and sensation.
I spent a total of 115 days away from home. Most of that time was
spent in rehab learning how to do such simple things as feed myself, bathe
myself, sit up, and how to use what movement I have to be as independent as I
can.
While I was away from home, the community rallied in support. There
were several fundraisers, all aimed at renovating my house for me and my
wheelchair. There were many volunteers, friends, family, and complete
strangers that donated money, time, prayers, or just generous words of support.
Every day I looked forward to coming home. I would speak with my wife
every evening, and she would come to visit almost every weekend. Even though
it was a little rocky, I always thought we would make it work. We'd been
together for over 10 years, married for almost six. I always thought we were
soul-mates and would grow old together. We are now facing separation. I guess
no one knows what they would do if their spouse became permanently handicapped.
How do you know if you're not in the situation?
Lots of people have told me that life goes on, you can do anything you
could before, just a little different. I heard many success stories of people
who went on to have successful careers, marriages, and families after a spinal
cord injury.
I was especially very positive in the beginning, when I had the support
of therapists and specialists. My positive attitude faded when I came home, I
became very depressed. I stopped exercising except for physical therapy, and
began self-medicating. I was very frustrated with the things I used to be able
to do at home.
There was a" friend" who had been staying at my house for several
months who was helping my wife with many of the things I used to do around the
house. I was only home for two weeks before they became intimate.
The Monday after New Year's she told me she wanted to move out, a week
later she told me what had happened and had been going on for a month. I
thought I could share her. It was only a matter of months before I snapped.
She has left me the house, and acquired an apartment down the street for her
and the kids, so they can come and visit often.
I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for a couple of close
friends who have moved into my house to help me.
How do I move on? I believe I have a lot to offer, I used to think we
would be together forever, now I'm craving companionship, intimacy, and someone
to be close to.
I am grateful for any advice and or feedback,
Truly yours, Paralyzed and Confused in the Adirondacks
JT... 32 YO... C6... ALMOST 1 YR POST
