Hey JT,
First welcome to the quad list! Man do I know where your coming from, I
got divorced shortly before my accident. I also have 3 young adult
children, which have stuck with me through thick and thin. They all 3
choise to stay with me when my wife left, I really don't know what I would
do with out them (dam scary to think about ) They all 3 help with my care,
and do most of the farm work. We own 500 acres, run over 100 head of cattle
and grow burley tobacco. Sorry this another story. Getting back to your
problem.
Man its the hardest thing I have to deal with too, I miss the intimacy and
closeness of a woman. Ive had my share of realationships even after my
accident. Trouble is they were married or wonted to get married or couldn't
handel me being a quad. My x was really good while I was in the hospital,
we probable would have got back together but I was dating a 21 year old fox
when I got hurt. I really hoped she would stay with me but she was young
and needed more I guess, she left without even a goodbye. Another let down!
I knew I was letting myself in for heart break, but dam she was a knock out.
Lol. Then I got involved with one of my nurses, man shes great at taking
care of me she takes me every where even helped on the farm. Now the
trouble with her is the jelousey, every time a female friend would come by
she would throw a fit. Then she wonted a commentmont, scared the hell out
of me. Here I have been let down once scince my accident, I just can't
bring myself to trust another woman yet. I keep thinking about the song
Kenny Rogers sings, Ruby don't take your love too town. If youve ever heard
it you'll know what im talking about. Lol.
It will get better, youve still got your memorys. Try to stay busy, do
all you can do. There's plenty of good females that don't mind you being a
quad, you can still be intament. Hang in there if you won't to talk more
just let me know, life dosn't end with being a quad.
Silas Shelburne c3-c4
----- Original Message -----
From: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: "quad list" <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2005 2:46 PM
Subject: [QUAD-L] LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK...
> Dear Quad-list,
> My life has been filled with its biggest challenges in the past year.
August 2, 2004 I had a life-changing diving accident that left me paralyzed
from my chest down. I'm considered a quadriplegic because I have a little
inervasion in my triceps and wrist flexors and I don't have any independent
movement of my fingers.
> I was a 31-year-old, married, father of two, a successful chef, and a
modern man of the house. After my accident, it was unclear what I would be
able to do. The doctors made no promises, but I was told that my injury is
considered incomplete, which means there's a chance to regain at least some
movement and sensation.
>
> I spent a total of 115 days away from home. Most of that time was spent
in rehab learning how to do such simple things as feed myself, bathe myself,
sit up, and how to use what movement I have to be as independent as I can.
> While I was away from home, the community rallied in support. There
were several fundraisers, all aimed at renovating my house for me and my
wheelchair. There were many volunteers, friends, family, and complete
strangers that donated money, time, prayers, or just generous words of
support.
>
> Every day I looked forward to coming home. I would speak with my wife
every evening, and she would come to visit almost every weekend. Even
though it was a little rocky, I always thought we would make it work. We'd
been together for over 10 years, married for almost six. I always thought
we were soul-mates and would grow old together. We are now facing
separation. I guess no one knows what they would do if their spouse became
permanently handicapped.
> How do you know if you're not in the situation?
>
> Lots of people have told me that life goes on, you can do anything you
could before, just a little different. I heard many success stories of
people who went on to have successful careers, marriages, and families after
a spinal cord injury.
> I was especially very positive in the beginning, when I had the support
of therapists and specialists. My positive attitude faded when I came home,
I became very depressed. I stopped exercising except for physical therapy,
and began self-medicating. I was very frustrated with the things I used to
be able to do at home.
> There was a" friend" who had been staying at my house for several months
who was helping my wife with many of the things I used to do around the
house. I was only home for two weeks before they became intimate.
>
> The Monday after New Year's she told me she wanted to move out, a week
later she told me what had happened and had been going on for a month. I
thought I could share her. It was only a matter of months before I snapped.
She has left me the house, and acquired an apartment down the street for her
and the kids, so they can come and visit often.
> I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for a couple of close
friends who have moved into my house to help me.
>
> How do I move on? I believe I have a lot to offer, I used to think we
would be together forever, now I'm craving companionship, intimacy, and
someone to be close to.
>
> I am grateful for any advice and or feedback,
> Truly yours, Paralyzed and Confused in the Adirondacks
>
>
> JT... 32 YO... C6... ALMOST 1 YR POST
>
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