Re: [QUAD-L] celebrations

[David K. Kelmer]

Hi Lana,

 

I decided early on that a 'Day' of celebration, had to be just that, so I started having celebrations like birthdays, Christmas Days, and Thanksgiving Days on whatever 'Day' that my family was able to be together.  Some years we were a couple of days off from what the calendar said was the 'official' day, but we have always had wonderful days of celebration over the years.  If I was able to get to someones house for a celebration without it being an extra effort, then I would go, but if I couldn't make it there I'd send a nice note and they would understand.

 

Now that the camel's back has been broken, I'd suggest talking it over with Gabe and asking him how he feels about it.  If he doesn't mind changing the day so he and you can celebrate it with family, then go that way.  If he feels the 'Day' on the calendar is when he wants to celebrate the day, then go that way.  Whatever you do let Gabe be a part of the decision making, he may surprise you with a whole new idea on how to celebrate.

 

Just my 5 cents worth...

 

With Love,

CtrlAltDel aka Dave
C4/5 Complete - 29 Years Post
Texas, USA   

Lana Baugh <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

Does this sound familiar?

 

For years my family had all celebrations and gatherings at their homes. When Gabe had his injury I insisted that some should be here. Over the past ten years it has been like I was begging. I would explain all the issues- access to the house, toilet, ----. I won them into coming over here now and again. Over the past couple years they started saying we had too ! many holidays over here. Of course for them they only count Christmas & Thanksgiving. They do not count birthdays, family reunions or just plain get togethers that occur at their houses. When it comes to big family gatherings I am just speaking French. I am ashamed. I would go to some activities because I wouldn’t see family from out of town otherwise. Gabe would stay home or find other things to do. No one in the family ever asked, seemed concerned, they just wanted to do their thing. I have explained and bugged so much.  This has been an ongoing war and I just do not understand how they can’t understand. We can use a portable ramp on one house. The rest are really inaccessible. I am also ashamed that we have lifted Gabe and his chair into houses. He was very unhappy about this so it stopped. However, they do not understand the problems with lifting chairs despite me explaining it and continue to say we should do it.

 

Gabe has not really been part of the war. I guess I felt his isolation from family events was enough.

 

Well I just got tired of the games, the pleading and Gabe still not being able to be a part of our family. I gave my sister all of the gifts when she came over to get them on the 23^rd so they could open the gifts at her house on Christmas. This broke the camels back. I explained the problem to her one more time. We even gave her an outline so she could read about Gabe’s needs. Her responses blew me awa! y. So I told her she no longer had a sister. We were no longer part of the family and we would not participate in any family celebrations. We would develop a new group to celebrate with and be around.  She was blown away and acted like she hadn’t heard this stuff before.

 

Was I too harsh? I just couldn’t play there game anymore and leave Gabe out.

 

What do you guys do?

 

Lana,

Gabe’s mom 10 years post, C4-5