Hi Eric:
It's late for me so I'll write what came to my mind first. Amy's
mother is not practicing christianity, for it is a religion of
forgiveness and love and good deeds. Secondly, now that you are
Amy's spouse, Amy's family should treat you as such. However, it's
not that simple since there's no marriage certificate. PLEASE be
sure you have all of the correct papers (POA, Will, LIving WIll, all
financial business in BOTH names), or else her family could, and it
sounds like they would take control if something ever happens to her
like illness, coma, or death. Not to mention your parental rights...
please be cautious and keep your distance from them.
Peace,
River
On Jan 14, 2006, at 8:46 PM, William Willis wrote:
Jeez, Eric, that's one hell of a situation. my heart breaks for the
two of you. She sounds like the grandmother in the movie "Flowers
In the Attic." Evil hiding behind a Bible.
It is unlikely that she will change, barring some miracle. If you
haven't already, visit a professional counselor. Together, perhaps
the two of you can give Amy the strength to face up to her. A few
prayers wouldn't hurt either. I believe just hearing someone else
confirm that you are in the right would be a source of strength.
God bless you, my friend. Larry Willis
From: Eric Olson <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: quad <[email protected]>
Subject: [QUAD-L] advice
Date: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 19:09:31 -0600
Everyone,
I'm currently in a situation I don't know how to handle. My wife,
(I call her my wife but we could only have a commitment ceremony)
Amy's family is just awful. For our commitment ceremony, we
rented a hall, had dinner the whole nine yards and her parents
refused to come. Her parents are these hardcore pentecostal
Christians which is odd because Amy's mother is the most evil
woman I've NEVER met. When Amy and I started dating, She took
Amy's picture off the wall in their house. She used to have
prayer meetings at the house and they would pray for Amy to change
her mind. Amy's sister said marrying me would be like marrying a
rapist. Her brother told her she should start thinking with her
head instead of her heart. Her father seems to have at least made
peace with it. Unfortunately, for us, he has no testicles. If
Amy's mom told him he could no longer have any contact with his
own daughter, that's what he'd do. That statement pretty much
sums up how ball-less he is and how manipulative she is. It
would take days to write everything they have done so you'll just
have to trust me. I could give a rats ass what they think of me,
but they treat their own daughter /sister like shit because of
me. This shit has been going on the entire 5 years we've been
together.
Unfortunately, Amy has this bizarre need for her family's approval
especially from her mother. She has been reaching out to her
family the past 5 years to try and make things work and every time
they shit on her. I keep telling her, the only way to keep from
getting hurt, is to just write off her family for now and hope
things improve in the distant future. I know they won't. She
doesn't listen. She walks around crying saying "I have no
mother." I feel bad for her. Needing her mothers approval has
turned into a sick obsession in my opinion. What should I do?
This is where things get complicated. Amy is pregnant. Normally
this would be great news to share with you but with her
family ... To get the whole picture, you really need to
understand how screwed up and evil Amy's mother is. A couple
years ago, Amy had a friend's kid over at her mother's house and
the baby was crying. Amy's mother says "he's crying because he
comes from a broken home." His parents were not married at the
time. Amy's mom is the kind of nut that would tell our kid that
his/her parents are going to hell because they are not married.
Funny story. Amy's sister got married a couple weeks after we did
outside at disneyworld. During the ceremony there is a rumble of
thunder in the distance and Amy's mother says out loud so all 16
people attending heard "that's because God doesn't approve of this
marriage." She was sitting next to the groom's mother when she
said it.
Anyway, Amy knows her mother is way to stressful to tell before
she's well into her third trimester, but we're thinking about not
telling them before at all. Amy's afraid that, if her mother
comes to see her in the hospital, she will say something horrible
and ruin the birth experience. She hasn't decided whether to call
afterwards or just send her parents a birth announcement. I said
we should just send them a high school graduation picture. lol
This is just for the birth. We don't know how much of our child's
life we want them to be. They've completely shunned Amy and made
it clear they want nothing to do with her as long as she's with
me. We don't think they really deserve to know or be part of the
kids life. Do we want to expose our kid to people that hate his /
her dad because he's disabled?
Part of me hopes that, if we do tell them, it will bring us
together but I know it won't. They will ask her to bring the
baby over but only if she comes alone. That's what they told her
at Christmas. Part of me wants to use the kid as a bargaining
chip. I'd like to call Amy's dad and tell him they better start
treating Amy like a daughter deserves and quick or they will NEVER
see this kid. Anyone have an opinion?
Eric
