Hi Paul, My condolences. Splitting-up is hard to do. My wife of 20+ years and three kids asked to bow-out about three years after my C5/6 injury (about 4 years ago). She was never the primary caregiver, but was backup on occasion and *hated* it. The notion of having her former mate become one of her childen, so to speak, was too much. She was also active, athletically, as I once was (mine was a skiing injury), so that played into it also. And of course, there were many other reasons, but I credit my injury, mostly.
But life and love have carried-on. I thank on-line personals for helping me get back into the field with some great results, though no long-tem prospects yet (by my choice, this time). I am greatly encouraged by the power of the Internet to allow mostly home-bound people to meet, and I recommend it! There are caveats though: Beware of scammers, they do exist, and if you do "click" with someone, just be sure to keep in mind it takes face time (and a lotof it) to *really* get to know someone. Oh yea, and always be honest. As the classic New Yorker cartoon said, "Nobody knows you're a dog on the Internet," but eventually they find out. As for care, I pay out-of-pocket for someone to come for 3 hours each morning starting at 5AM, 7 days-a-week. I've had good luck finding reliable people (on Craig's List) by paying well and allowing occasional paid days off (including all days I've spent in hospital). I am able to skip my regimen for a day here and there, but no more than one so having reliable help is essential. They not only help me with personal care and range of motion, but also do laundry, dishes, clean the floors (in my living area of about 700 square feet) and help with breakfast. I also pay (for two hours) ad hoc, to have them come help for an hour or less, when something happens during the day (e.g., a loose BM). That's it for help for me. I don't need nite help (more on that in a sec). For emergencies I have a close friend I can call, and on occasion I've called my ex (we're on good terms, in frequent contact about our kids, and she lives close by). Mostly, I live (and work), alone at home. My single biggest enabler (aside from power chair and adapted van) is my "Handi Move" (see http://www.handimove.be/ ). Its a remote-controlled, ceiling-mounted lift on a track that has "grippers" to squeeze my torso and hooks for under my legs, so I can use it to get in/out of bed from my chair. Thus, I can get into bed myself at nite. I stay up late and sleep fully clothed, shoes and all. My leg bag is big (32 oz.), so I don't need a nite bag. Aside from that, not much to tell. I shop for myself and use the microwave (almost exclusively) to cook. I have a power can-opener, power jar-opener and use a powered-teapot to heat water for instant coffee, hot-chocolate or tea. For the micro-brew beers I like, I have a wall-mounted bottle-top remover. The one thing I haven't found yet is an accessible cork-remover, so that's another thing my care-giver does (though, no, I don't have wine with breakfast. She replaces the cork with an easy-for-me, snap-to-tighten bottle top). The only other essential to my independence is my cell phone, which is with me always ('cept for charge time). Hope that helps, bob quinn ________________________________ From: Paul Jacobson <[email protected]> To: [email protected]; [email protected] Sent: Tuesday, February 24, 2009 10:38:50 AM Subject: [QUAD-L] Splitting Up Hi, I'm Paul a c5/6 complete quad. After 2 1/2 years of marriage, I am sadly getting a divorce. The 'quad life' was more than she could handle, and I understand. It's very very sad. Of those who are c5/6.......do you have a 24 hr live in? If not can you share how you mange your caregivers and who helps at night. Thanks so much, pj
