Hi Nicki. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. Fifteen year olds can have a strange way of thinking. To me, it sounds like she is being a typical teenager not seeing past herself. You can see that as good if you think of all the other kids her age going through the same thing. Unfortunately, she is also someone who you need and she just doesn't realize it. I doubt she is doing it to be mean, but just stuck in her own little world.
The attitude of your older kids breaks my heart. I have no idea why that would be such an issue with him. I know people who help their mob normal parents with their trees just because they want to. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that attitude. I had people who didn't want to go out of their way to help me because they felt that I needed to adjust to my situation and not expect everyone to help. That was fine, but they seemed to forget that adjusting to my situation meant that I would not be able to do the things that I had in the past for them, such as sewing clothes, child care, and home decorating/repair. They seemed to want me to adjust to my situation when I needed help, but to be my old self when they needed help. We do not have kids and often volunteered to babysit for our friends. I had one friend who offered to drive me places in return for free babysitting. I thought it was nice of her to want to help and I agreed. She really took advantage. My one or two trips out a month somehow equated to watching her three kids at least one night every week. Then, they needed a babysitter for their youngest because they were having trouble making arrangements for rides for the little one at day care to the preschool program. I agreed to fill in until they found something suitable. Their mother had trouble taking me out, but I kept babysitting because I really liked the little one. Even on days when I was stuck in bed, it was nice to have someone to run to the fridge to grab a drink for me. Watching children's shows was a small price to pay. Then I had to refuse to babysit one weekend when their mother wanted to go out because I had been having such a horrible time with pain. I didn't want to have three children when I was on pain meds. The mother got grumpy and went off on me. So I reminded her of our arrangement and how she had not taken me on any errands in nearly six months, but I was still doing free babysitting for her. She said something about me having to get used to my situation and pain. In her angry state she started to say, "As for the free babysitting, we can fix that." meaning that she was going to take the little girl away from me. I had been prepared for that and said that I agreed and she had until the end of the month, over two weeks, to get another sitter. She tried to take back her words because I know I was saving them over $200 a month for babysitting and that would take out of her shopping/partying money. I also used her words saying that I agreed and that I did need to adjust to my situation. I said that she should plan for someone else to watch her kids when she wanted to go out even if I was feeling up to it when she asked, my situation was unpredictable and could change at any moment. That was over three years ago. We still see them because we are the kids' god parents. I have greatly decreased my time with her and only go when there is a big event which had been Thanksgiving Dinner this year. I might get out of Christmas with her, yeah! She did try the other day to rope me into babysitting. She did it subtly saying that the kids really wanted me to watch them on the night of her husband's co-worker's party. I acted like I was really listening and let it drop because she said it in front of everyone at Thanksgiving. Then later, I texted her saying that it probably wouldn't work because I would hate to have a her plan on me and then have to skip the party because I couldn't function that day. If she was going to insist, I was going to wait until the last minute saying that I was in too much pain. I have decided to quit being nice and going out of my way for her. I figure if I cause her problems, she quit with all the manipulating. So sorry, please keep your spirits up as much as possible and write whenever you need a pick me up. The list is great and you can always write me off list. Anyone can if they need to share something. I will write back as soon as I can. Pondering_cat
