Same thing goes for me, so I have made a great effort to start changing my blue routines and get out of the house more. I took a master gardening course this spring and have now increased the number of hours I am volunteering. Now that school has started I signed up to go to the local elementary school and work with kindergartners and some first graders. They are still small enough to sit in my lap while I read to them, or the first graders read to me. I get a great deal of pleasure over the school year watching the children mature and learn to accept me as a person and not just an oddity to be stared at in a wheelchair.
For me at 75 it is sometimes hard to remember that I have the type of personality that has to have something to look forward to, because it is more comfortable for me to just withdraw into my shell and eventually find myself withdrawing from outside activities. Then I find that I hurt more, sleep more poorly, and start to become a “bitch” and find myself being critical of little petty things that shouldn’t matter. I have also volunteered in the past at our local library during children’s hours reading to them. It doesn’t always help and I have my down days, but it certainly goes a long way to improve my mental attitude. Sometimes I put on a good face in front of other people, and then find I have actually improved how I really do feel. Getting old isn’t so much fun, but I am looking at other people my age with out SCI and they are having just as many problems only with different things. I don’t know how long I will be blessed with relatively good health and already ¼ my classmates from high school have passed on, so I plan to treasure as much as possible each day that I am given and as Bobbie says “smile everyday” and im trying to make somebody laugh every day. My sister and I used to say about my mother that she didn’t have something to worry about she would go look for something to worry about. Damn if I don’t find myself staring to do the same thing, money, how long is my chair going to last, etc etc etc and so forth. I wish there was a shutdown button for my brain, but since I haven’t discovered it I’m going to have to assume there isn’t one. Hang in there, find something innocuous to worry about. Good luck and I hope you have a great day. Joan From: Larry Willis [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, August 20, 2014 4:10 AM To: [email protected] Subject: Fwd: [QUAD-L] Bad few Days I've had those same feelings quite a few times, Greg. It feels like you are about to explode. I also sometimes chill/shiver when I am hot. I small dose of Xanax before bed helped me a lot. Growing old in the land of quadom is a .........Yes, it is. ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: greg <[email protected]> Date: Tuesday, August 19, 2014 Subject: [QUAD-L] Bad few Days To: [email protected] Just spent 2 days in the ER, well 1 in the ER, 1 in a room. Woke up overheated which sometimes causes a claustrophobic / panic feeling. I felt panicked and like I could not get enough of a breath. I also felt like I was going to get sick. I thought maybe a UTI or something. They were worried about my heavy chest, so I had an x-ray, CAT scan, which lead to an angioplasty. Luckily everything came out fine. They think my heavy chest is from my spine curving causing pressure. So they are setting up an appointment with a lung doctor soon. I did have a UTI also. But I get so frustrated with this stupid panic feeling. I worry about everything and can't stop. I worry about that I'm going to worry. Wake up feeling like I just have to get up into my chair. It's a scary panic. It use to happen maybe once every few years, but lately it's more often. I think it's my heavy chest making it worse. I just don't feel like I'm getting enough oxygen. The doc says the lung doc might subscribe an oxygen tank at night. Once the feeling is one, I feel so stupid about worrying about that stuff. Getting overheated seems to be the trigger point most of the time. The problem is I feel so cold at night, even shivering. I would swear I'm cold… But if I uncover a bit and cool off, I actually get better. So I swear I'm cold, but actually I'm too hot. This only started a few years ago. Anyone else have that issue? I'm sure it's a nerve ending issue. But I just shake I feel so cold, problem is sometimes it is because I'm cold. So anything I do to get warmer only makes me shiver more and get more overheated. So I just don't know if I'm hot or cold, it feels exactly the same. No fun getting old, Greg
