[RR] rewards and "bribery"

[mrkcrcl12]

As an better reply to a recent conversation of rewards aka "bribery" I read this article in Focus on the Family, June edition,magazine..the following question and answer were taken directly from the "answers" section...while it applies to parents dealing with their children it also can be applied to RR ministry. The question is from an unidentified source...the answer comes from Dr. James Dobson's "Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide". Mike Archer   Question; I am uncomfortable using rewards to influence my kids. It seems too much like bribery to me. What are your views on the subject?    Answer; Many parents feel as you do, and in response I say, don't use them if your are philosophically opposed to the concept. It is unfortunate, however, that one of our most effective teaching tools is rejected because of what I would consider to be a misunderstanding of terms. Our entire society is based on a system of rewards. As adults we go to work each day and receive a paycheck everyother Friday. Getting out of bed each morning and meeting the requirements of a job are therefore rewarded. Medals are given to brave soldiers, plaques are awarded to successful businesspeople and watches are presented to retiring employees. Rewards make responsible effort worthwhile.   The main reason for the overwhelming success of capitalism is that hard work and personal discipline are rewarded materially. The great weakness of socialism is the absence of reinforcement; why should a person struggle to achieve if there is nothing special to be gained? This system destroys motivation, yet some parents feel it is the only way to approach children. They expect little Marvin to carry responsibility simply because it is noble for him to do so. They want him to work and learn and sweat for the sheer joy of personal accomplishment. He isn't going to buy it.   Consider the alternative approach to the "bribery" I've recommended. How are you going to get your 5-year-old son to behave more responsibly? The most frequently used substitutes are nagging, threatening, begging, screaming, threatening and punishing. The mother who objects to the use of rewards may also go to bed each evening with a headache, vowing to have no more children. She doesn't like anything resembling a bribe, yet later she will give money to her child when some opportunity comes along. Since her youngster never earns his own cash, he doesn't learn how to save it or spend it wisely or pay tithe on it. The toys she buys him are purchased with her money, and he values them less. But most importantly he is not learning self-discipline and personal responsibility.   Yes, I do believe the judicious use of rewards can be very useful to parents.