[RecipesAndMore] On the Lighter Side

[steve doyle]

On the Lighter Side...   SHORTHAND   The whole neighborhood shook from the ear splitting explosion in a nearby Pharmacy. As 911 was called, shopkeepers ran outside to see what happened, people spotted the pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building. His white uniform was now scorched black. He looked like Frankenstein. He went up to a shaken and shivering old lady standing nearby. "Lady!" he said, "Would you please ask your doctor to write that prescription again. And this time, insist he better PRINT IT!"   HIP HIP HOORAY   A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up. Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn't a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back." The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?" "Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face. Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Baptists," he enunciated. The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation. "All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshipers. "Three cheers for the Baptists!"   SENIOR CITIZEN AND PROUD OF IT   I'm the life of the party...even when it lasts until 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going. I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over. I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians... I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg. I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...uhhhh...ummmm I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. If you are what you eat, I'm Shredded Wheat and All Bran. I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days. I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? I'm supporting all movements now...by eating bran, prunes, and raisins. I'm a walking storeroom of facts...I've just lost the storeroom. I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN...and I think I am having the time of my life!! LR FROM NOTTINGHAM ENGLAND --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Access the Recipes And More list archives at: http://www.mail-archive.com/recipesandmore%40googlegroups.com/ Visit the group home page at: http://groups.google.com/group/RecipesAndMore -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---