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Subject: mini-AIR June 2001 -- Telephone Hi, Big Placebos, etc.
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================================================================
mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 2001-06
June, 2001
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in the
Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
================================================================
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2001-06-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
2001-06-01 Table of Contents
2001-06-02 mini-Housekeeping
2001-06-03 What's New in the Magazine
2001-06-04 Telemarketing Optimization
2001-06-05 Big Placebo News
2001-06-06 In a
2001-06-07 AIR Vents: Curiosity and Directionality
2001-06-08 Genug?
2001-06-09 Ask You Friends
2001-06-10 Are You Getting Married?
2001-06-11 Attention Deficit Pecking Disorder Finalists
2001-06-12 Pointless
2001-06-13 More Hair
2001-06-14 Jar Search
2001-06-15 Chemical Counter-Punches
2001-06-16 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Loooooong, Astrology, Monkees
2001-06-17 Loop
2001-06-18 About Last Month's Coded Message
2001-06-19 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: The Scoop on the Scoop
2001-06-20 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Crabby, Choosy, Psycho
2001-06-21 AIRhead Events
2001-06-22 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
2001-06-23 Our Address (*)
2001-06-24 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
2001-06-25 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
mini-AIR is
a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine
----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-02 mini-Housekeeping
There will be an AIR show in New York City on Thursday, June 7.
See section 2001-06-21 for details -- and for a poster.
Spread the word.
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2001-06-03 What's New in the Magazine
AIR 7:3 (May/June 2001) is a special Physics issue. It will be
emerging from the printers any moment now. If you subscribe to the
magazine, here are some of some of the articles to prepare
yourself for:
"Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass," by Lucas Kovar. A
firsthand account of the gritty life of a researcher.
"Quantum Gravity Treatment of the Angel Density Problem," by
Anders Sandberg. Modern physics techniques give a more precise
solution to the ancient problem.
"The Latest on Long-Running Experiments," by Marc Abrahams. AIR
checks the status of three experiments that have been running for
decades (in one case for more than 160 years!).
"Breaking Up is Hard to Do," by Kurt Vial. A photo essay or sorts.
"The Physics is Not Well Understood," by Alice Shirrell Kaswell et
al. Several of the world's most and least eminent physicists
describe their favorite mundane-yet-puzzling physics problems.
..and much, much more.
The full table of contents (and several of the articles) are at
<http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume7/v7i3/v7i3-toc.html>
(What you are reading at this moment is mini-AIR,
a small, monthly e-mail supplement to the print magazine.)
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2001-06-04 Telemarketing Optimization
We receive many telephone call from telemarketers. Until recently
these seemed annoyances, but now we realize they are research
opportunities.
You are invited to collaborate on our Telemarketing Optimization
Project.
The project consists of a number of protocols. Here we describe
several that we have used.
TECHNICAL DESCRIPTION: The project takes advantage of a quirk of
modern technology. Many telemarketing calls begin with a brief
period of silence, in which the telemarketer's automatic equipment
tries to determine whether the call recipient is a likely target.
You can easily learn to recognize this silence, and so be ready to
implement a protocol the moment the human telemarketer is switched
onto the line.
PROTOCOL: Say "hi."
DESCRIPTION: Whenever the telemarketer asks you to say anything,
pause for several seconds, and then softly, plaintively, say just
the word "hi." Pronounce it as if it were written in lowercase and
spoken by a wispy child.
[NOTE: Our lab notebook for this project may be instructive to new
investigators. Here is a typical entry:
May 29, 2001. 11:08 am.
Another telemarketer, another round of plaintive "hi"s.
She hung up after round three.]
PROTOCOL: Read methodically from a prepared text. So far we have
conducted test runs using each of the following texts:
<> "The World of Mathematics," Newman, volume 4
<> "The Integrative Action of the Nervous System," Sherrington
<> The digits of pi
PROTOCOL: Sing from a prepared score. The quality of the singing
matters not. So far we have conducted test runs using the
following:
<> The complete works of Philip Glass
PROTOCOL: Whatever the telemarketer says to you, you repeat back
to the telemarketer.
We invite you to devise your own protocols, run the experiments,
and then tell us about it. We will report the most compelling
results.
When you send in a report, please include the following data:
1. A brief (twenty words or fewer) description of the protocol
2. The number of phone calls to which you applied the protocol
3. Average time elapsed before a telemarketer hung up.
Please do the research carefully, and above all, lovingly. Send
your complete, BRIEF report to: TELEMARKETING OPTIMIZATION PROJECT
c/o <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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2001-06-05 Big Placebo News
On May 24, 2001, two years after AIR clarified the question, a
research report and accompanying editorial in the New England
Journal of Medicine claimed that the placebo effect does not
exist. Clearly, the New England Journal authors did not read
Frederic Firestone's classic report on double-strength placebos.
In the interest of public understanding, we have now put it on our
web site:
"The Need for Double-Strength Placebos"
<http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume%205/v5i2/placebos-5-2.h
tml>
We urge you to print out a copy and bring it to your doctor.
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2001-06-06 In a
See section 2001-06-12
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2001-06-07 AIR Vents: Curiosity and Directionality
Here are some recent effusions from readers:
In reference to a citation in last month's mini-AIR -- "Do Not
Snog the Dog: Infective Endocarditis Due to Capnocytophaga
canimorsus," -- investigator Daniel Lichtblau writes frmo the USA:
Okay, now I am worried. What exactly is snog[ging]?
A Brit term for sex?
In reference to recent additions to our web feature "The Science
of G. Bush," investigator Paul A. Kuckein writes:
I am intrigued to note that G. Bush's article: "Pleasure
Island: Tourism and Temptation in Cuba," was published in
the Pacific Historical Review. Doesn't this show a lack of
understanding of geography? And if so, on whose part? (Is
this possibly related to the Attention Deficit Pecking
Disorder problem?)
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2001-06-08 Genug?
Philosophers do not often enough ask the so-called "genug-genug"
question: when is enough enough? Investigator B. Mango sent us the
following passage, which first appeared in a listserv discussion:
A silly question occurred to me after I finished reading
another paper (one of thousands in my career) that ended
with the line, "...but more research is necessary."
Has there ever been a paper that ended with something like
the following line: "We have answered this question;
no more research is necessary."
-- Jeff Ricker
If you know of such a paper, please send the citation and a copy
of the pertinent passage to: GENUG-GENUG RESEARCH c/o
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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2001-06-09 Ask You Friends
This year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will be held on October 4, at
Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. As always, a number of high-
spirited Nobel Laureates will be on hand to physically present the
Ig Nobel Prizes to the Ig winners.
If you
(a) have a friend or colleague who is a Nobel Laureate
and who has a sense of humor, or
(b) are yourself a Nobel Laureate
and have a sense of humor,
please inform
(a) your friend or colleague or
(b) yourself
that we would love to have
(a) him or her or
(b) you
join us and take part in the ceremony.
To arrange the details, please get in touch with
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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2001-06-10 Are You Getting Married?
If you are planning to get married, we invite you to do it on
stage at Sanders Theatre on October 4 as part of this year's Ig
Nobel Prize Ceremony.
The theme for this year's Ig ceremony will be "Complexity."
Working an actual marriage into the fabric of the Ig Nobel
ceremony can only enhance that concept. The entire marriage
portion of the ceremony will have to be accomplished in sixty
seconds, but it will be a thrilling sixty seconds, televised live
on the Internet and with 1200 very happy people (and several
thousand paper airplanes) physically present in the theatre.
To arrange the details, please get in touch with
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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2001-06-11 Attention Deficit Pecking Disorder Finalists
Thank you to everyone who entered the Attention Deficit Pecking
Disorder 35-or-fewer-words essay contest. Now it is time to choose
the winner. The topic was:
Social Scientists are Fully as Able
to Categorize and Measure
the Things We Are Trying to Understand
as Chemists, Physicists, and Biologists are Able
to Categorize and Measure
the Things They Are Trying to Understand
A surprisingly large number of social scientists sent the topic
description itself ("Social Scientists are Fully...") as their
essay. All were disqualified.
Several asked whether their entry "counts as a professional
publication." The answer: Ask your dean.
Now, here are the three finalists:
* * *
#1: Some count the genes
in human bein's;
Some watch the stars, some watch the ants.
The only thing that matters is
Who gets the biggest research grants.
You got the bucks,
You wear the pants.
--Edward A Gedeon
#2: My son shines amongst somewhat duller bodies.
The sun shines amongst somewhat duller bodies.
If you cut me do I not bleed?
A measuring stick can be used for beatings.
--Paul Williams
#3: First, measure the length of your index finger.
Next, decide on a finger you prefer to use to scratch
your nose. Repeat the experiment every day, for a week.
The first, natural science. The second, social science.
--Jamus Jerome Lim
* * *
Please help us choose the winner. Send your vote to PECKING
CONTEST VOTE c/o <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
-----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-12 Pointless
See section 2001-06-17
----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-13 More Hair
The Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists proudly reports
that it has several new members. You can see them at
<http://www.improbable.com/projects/hair/hair-club-top.html>
----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-14 Jar Search
Many readers have engaged in the search for the (apocryphal?) book
titled "Men Who Made Fruit-Jar History." Thanks to all.
While no one has yet unearthed a book with that exact title, this
tantalizing clue came from fruit jar investigator Dave Hinson
(relayed via Yoel A. Strimling and others):
My fruit jar discussion group suggests that the book you
are looking for may actually be a chapter from a book
written in 1969 by Toulouse. I thought I had once seen
this as a pamphlet or reprint but nobody was able to
confirm this.
"A Collector's Manual Fruit Jars," by Julian
Harrison Toulouse; Thomas Nelson Inc., New Jersey
and Everybody's Press, Hanover, PA. p. 340.
We received a tremendous amount of arresting fruit jar data, and
plan to compile it for a future report in mini-AIR or HotAIR.
In the meantime, if you have access to a copy of the Toulouse
book, please tell us whether it does indeed have a chapter with
the holy grail of fruit jar titles. And if someone has a copy of
the pamphlet -- if it exists -- we would very much enjoy hearing
from you.
Please send pertinent info to: FRUIT JAR GRAIL c/o
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-15 Chemical Counter-Punches
Liquid nitrogen, and the topic of non-flammable rocket
propellants, is much in the minds of many, it turns out. Last
month's inquiry by investigator Keith G. Tomazi ("I wonder if
anybody else has proposed a non-flammable rocket fuel?") has
ignited a flame of protests, suggestions, and outrage. Here is a
sampling:
If your investigator cares to pull out the nozzle from a plastic
washbottle, unscrew the lid, quarter-fill the wash bottle with
water, then add liquid nitrogen, rapidly screw the lid back on and
invert, he'll see the propellant power of liquid nitrogen.
--Allan Blackman
Amateur Rocket enthusiasts have been using compressed gases and
liquefied gases such as nitrogen and argon for many decades. They
work great, although they have not yet been used to launch a space
shuttle.
--Michael Sivertz
This brings to mind a tradition I have in my practice (family
medicine) involving liquid nitrogen, which I use for Wart Parade
every Wednesday morning, freezing off various little warts and
bumples which the patients present to me for tidying up. I do the
time-honoured pouring of the excess liquid nitrogen onto the
linoleum floor, producing a satisfying circle of fumes, and
occasionally drop a coleus leaf into the cup of frigid liquid and
proceed to crumple it up into a satisfying powder.
--Kirsten Emmott
Readers (many of whom gleefully identified themselves as "rocket
scientists") supplied us with descriptions, data, URLs,
invitations, innuendoes, opinions and poetry. Space does not
permit a complete presentation, but if time and circumstance
permit, we will compile some of it into presentable form. Thanks
to all who send in everything!
----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-16 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Loooooong, Astrology, Monkees
Here are concise, incomplete, flighty mentions of some of the
features we've posted on HotAIR since last month's mini-AIR came
out. You can get to all of them by clicking on "WHAT'S NEW" at the
web site, or by going to:
<http://www.improbable.com/navstrip/whatsnew.html>
==> We are happy to report that three of the world's longest-
running scientific experiments are indeed still running.
<http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume7/v7i3/long-run-7-3.html
>
==> The Astrology Gap between India and the rest of the world
<http://www.improbable.com/news/2001/may/atrology-gap.html>
==> Wheezers receive little attention in the popular press.
<http://www.improbable.com/news/2001/may/wheezers.html>
==> Today is approximately the 48th birthday of the famous 101th
monkey that learned to wash potatoes by being somewhere physically
far removed from the 100 monkeys that lived together on island of
Koshima and taught each other how to wash potatoes.
<http://www.improbable.com/news/2001/may/100-monkeys.html>
==> MAY WE RECOMMEND: Overwork
<http://www.improbable.com/news/2001/may/work-hours.html>
==> AN AIR CLASSIC: Waste Not Want Not: Appendix Transplantation
<http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume6/v6i3/appendix-2000-06.
html>
THESE, AND MORE, ARE ON HOTAIR AT
<http://www.improbable.com/navstrip/whatsnew.html>
-----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-17 Loop
See section 2001-06-06
----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-18 About Last Month's Coded Message
Last month's unbreakably coded message proved to be unbreakable.
-----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-19 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: The Scoop on the Scoop
Each month we select for your special attention a research report
that seems especially worth a close read. This month's selection:
"The Effect of Ice-Cream-Scoop Water on the Hygiene of Ice Cream,"
I.G. Wilson, J.C. Heaney, and S.T. Weatherup, Epidemiology and
Infection, vol. 119, no. 1, August 1997, pp. 35-40. (Thanks to
Moira Feeney for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who
are at Northern Ireland Public Health Laboratory, Belfast City
Hospital Trust, report that:
A survey of unopened ice cream, ice cream in use, and
ice-cream-scoop water (n = 91) was conducted to determine
the effect of scoop water hygiene on the microbiological
quality of ice cream.... EC guidelines for indicator
organisms in ice cream were exceeded by up to 56%
of samples.
-----------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-20 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Crabby, Choosy, Psycho
Here is a further selection of items that merit a trip to the
library.
THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
"The Evolutionary Advantages of Being Stupid," E.D. Robin,
Perspectives in Biology and Medicine, vol. 16, no. 3, Spring 1973,
pp. 369-80. (Thanks to Simon Richardson for bringing this to our
attention.)
CRABBY, CHOOSY
"Avoidance of Recently Eaten Foods by Land Hermit Crabs, Coenobtia
compressus," R.W. Thacker, Animal Behavior, vol. 55, part 2,
February 1998, pp. 485-496. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing
this to our attention.)
SUPER MODEL; STREAKING
"A Model of Water Streaking Down a Wall," David A. Benson, Water
Resources Research, vol. 37 , no. 2 , 2001, pp. 427-30. (Thanks to
Tom Gill for bringing this to our attention.)
EACH TO HIS OWN
"Psychopaths for Themselves and Among Themselves. A Quasi
Philosophical Study on the Odd Person" [article in German], K.
Kolle, Psychiatria Clinica, vol. 2, no. 5, 1969, pp. 257-67.
For additional, more extensive lists of citations, subscribe to
(or borrow a copy of) the magazine.
------------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-21 AIRhead Events
==> For details and updates see <http://www.improbable.com>
==> Want to host an event? <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> 617-491-4437.
HUNTER COLLEGE, NEW YORK CITY THURS, JUNE 7, 2001
6:00 PM
Room 1403 (Fourteenth Floor, North Building)
69th Street Entrance (between Park Avenue and Lexington Avenue)
AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS and other AIRheads will describe and
demonstrate the latest findings in improbable research. and the Ig
Nobel Prizes. This event is sponsored jointly by the NY/NJ section
of the Society of Applied Spectroscopy and by the American
Chemical Society, and by the Science Writers of New York (SWINY).
A nifty DOWNLOADABLE POSTER is at
<http://www.improbable.com/news/2001/jun/poster-AIR-NYC-June-2001.pdf>
[NOTE:
Afterward, there will be a dinner at a neighborhood restaurant.
The dinner, unlike the talk, will not be free.
For dinner (cost $20.00) reservations, please call or e-mail:
Prof. David Locke 718-997-3271 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> or
Ewa Bucher at <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> or 1-914 577-7303 or
Gary Ritchie at <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> or 1-914-709-2634.]
CORNELL UNIVERSITY THURS, SEPT 20, 2001
AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will describe and demonstrate the latest
findings in improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes, as after-
dinner speaker at the Cornell Nanofabrication Facility's annual
meeting. The talk is open to the public.
INFO: Sandip Tiwari <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> (607)255-2329 (x101)
11th FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, OCT 4, 2001
Sanders Theatre, Harvard University
TICKETS will go in sale in August.
IG INFORMAL LECTURES TBA
SPECIAL AIR SESSION
at AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, BOSTON FEB 2002
--------------------------------------------------------------
2001-06-22 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print
journal The Annals of Improbable Research (the real thing, not
just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading
here in mini-AIR).
...............................................................
Name:
Address:
Address:
City and State:
Zip or postal code:
Country
Phone: FAX: E-mail:
...............................................................
SUBSCRIPTIONS (6 issues per year):
USA 1 yr/$24.95 2 yrs/$44.95
Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$28.95 US 2 yrs/$49.95 US
Overseas 1 yr/$41.95 US 2 yrs/$71.95 US
...............................................................
BACK ISSUES are available, too:
First issue: $8 USA, $11 Canada/Mex, $16 overseas Add'l issues
purchased at same time: $6 each
...............................................................
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to:
Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
-----------------------------------------------------
2001-06-23 Our Address (*)
Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
SUBSCRIPTIONS: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
WEB SITE: <http://www.improbable.com>
---------------------------
2001-06-24 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the
material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR
for commercial purposes.
------------- mini-AIRheads -------------
EDITOR: Marc Abrahams ([EMAIL PROTECTED])
MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last
few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
([EMAIL PROTECTED])
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen ([EMAIL PROTECTED])
ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
DISTRIBUTIVE EDITOR: Robin Pearce
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki
Rohloff
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts
(c) copyright 2001, Annals of Improbable Research
-----------------------------------------------------
2001-06-25 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!)
tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
----------------------------
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