Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Asudani, Rajesh]

Of course not, whatever the theoriticians say.


-Original Message-
From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of 
Vamshi. G
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 9:04 PM
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the 
disabled.
Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

Can any independent VI partner be a match with a sighted partner?  I
am confining this to  the mobility and independent living issue, and
not in general about attitude, good heartedness, etc.

On 2/8/17, sadaf khan <ksadaf1...@gmail.com> wrote:
> considering that independence is the key to have a good and
> self-sufficient life, what can one do in cases where the parents are
> not open to train the child in mobility? in cases where parents fear
> to leave their child to handle a gas? and in cases where the child is
> independent but still the parents prefer a sighted partner instead of
> an independent VI partner?
>
> On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>> I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be
>> my
>> last post on this issue.
>>
>> Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be
>> true.
>> Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to
>> office
>> etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they
>> might
>> have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come
>> and
>> they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but
>> parents of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their
>> daughter
>> as well. And this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of
>> independence would be a big contributor in the belief system.
>>
>> And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions
>> would reveal that.
>>
>>
>> -Original Message-
>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On
>> Behalf
>> Of SKYLINER
>> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
>> To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
>> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>>
>> Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples
>> today.
>>  Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand,
>> no
>> house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it
>> paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
>>
>> As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for
>> being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely
>> one
>> cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time
>> including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted
>> partner.
>>
>>
>> Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which
>> everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser
>> concerns
>> to family dependence.
>>
>> I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their
>> duties
>> as brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind
>> newcomer in their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every
>> household chores or for personal needs.  After all, everybody is
>> dependent
>> in family on each other for food, health & entertainment.
>>
>> As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as
>> God
>> wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared &
>> accept it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born
>> totally blind by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent
>> operation
>> & recovered 70% vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short
>> vision
>> to hundred% & with aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.
>>
>> One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2
>> footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden
>> inferiority
>> & superiority relating vision  possessions.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal  wrote
>>
>>>Disclaimer:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about
>> it.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> As a rule, there is around 1 percent chanc

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Amar Jain]

Everyone has underlined the importance of skill sets for independent living for 
this attitudinal barrier to be broken.

So in this case, couple of issues emerge:

1. I agree with Sadaf (exceptional case so be happy), that when parents are 
just not open to the idea of giving skills beyond a point and given the family 
value systems, it is indeed difficult to object for a girl, then later on this 
affects your life in areas like marriage.

2. Another complexity arises when parents decide themselves on issues like 
marriage without considering child's opinion.

3. Even if one was to live independently, then after parents the life will be 
affected to an extent, no matter how good the siblings are.

There seems to be no way out than to keep batteling.

Regards,
Amar Jain

Sent from my iPhone

> On 08-Feb-2017, at 9:58 PM, Vamshi. G <gvamsh...@gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> Dinesh,
> 
> But the decission of disability being normal should not be taken by
> the parents for their children.  That would amount to infringement of
> the rights of the child.  We can't decide that our children would not
> be unhappy about their disability.  I remember a case in a western
> country where  deaf parents wanted their child to be deaf out of their
> love towards that disability which was objected by the court on this
> ground.  I know we are not deliberately giving birth to disabled
> children as in that case.  But a child should have the right to decide
> whether he is happy about his disability, and not his parents.
> 
> 
>> On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>> Start small. Instead of gas directly, start with microwave.
>> 
>> 
>> -Original Message-
>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf
>> Of sadaf khan
>> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 8:30 PM
>> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning
>> the disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
>> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>> 
>> considering that independence is the key to have a good and
>> self-sufficient life, what can one do in cases where the parents are
>> not open to train the child in mobility? in cases where parents fear
>> to leave their child to handle a gas? and in cases where the child is
>> independent but still the parents prefer a sighted partner instead of
>> an independent VI partner?
>> 
>>> On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>> I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be
>>> my
>>> last post on this issue.
>>> 
>>> Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be
>>> true.
>>> Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to
>>> office
>>> etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they
>>> might
>>> have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come
>>> and
>>> they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but
>>> parents of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their
>>> daughter
>>> as well. And this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of
>>> independence would be a big contributor in the belief system.
>>> 
>>> And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions
>>> would reveal that.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> -Original Message-
>>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On
>>> Behalf
>>> Of SKYLINER
>>> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
>>> To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>>> 
>>> Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples
>>> today.
>>> Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand,
>>> no
>>> house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it
>>> paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
>>> 
>>> As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for
>>> being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely
>>> one
>>> cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time
>>> including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted
>>> partner.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for whi

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Vamshi. G]

Dinesh,

But the decission of disability being normal should not be taken by
the parents for their children.  That would amount to infringement of
the rights of the child.  We can't decide that our children would not
be unhappy about their disability.  I remember a case in a western
country where  deaf parents wanted their child to be deaf out of their
love towards that disability which was objected by the court on this
ground.  I know we are not deliberately giving birth to disabled
children as in that case.  But a child should have the right to decide
whether he is happy about his disability, and not his parents.


On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> Start small. Instead of gas directly, start with microwave.
>
>
> -Original Message-
> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf
> Of sadaf khan
> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 8:30 PM
> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning
> the disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>
> considering that independence is the key to have a good and
> self-sufficient life, what can one do in cases where the parents are
> not open to train the child in mobility? in cases where parents fear
> to leave their child to handle a gas? and in cases where the child is
> independent but still the parents prefer a sighted partner instead of
> an independent VI partner?
>
> On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>> I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be
>> my
>> last post on this issue.
>>
>> Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be
>> true.
>> Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to
>> office
>> etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they
>> might
>> have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come
>> and
>> they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but
>> parents of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their
>> daughter
>> as well. And this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of
>> independence would be a big contributor in the belief system.
>>
>> And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions
>> would reveal that.
>>
>>
>> -Original Message-----
>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On
>> Behalf
>> Of SKYLINER
>> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
>> To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
>> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>>
>> Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples
>> today.
>>  Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand,
>> no
>> house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it
>> paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
>>
>> As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for
>> being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely
>> one
>> cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time
>> including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted
>> partner.
>>
>>
>> Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which
>> everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser
>> concerns
>> to family dependence.
>>
>> I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their
>> duties
>> as brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind
>> newcomer in their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every
>> household chores or for personal needs.  After all, everybody is
>> dependent
>> in family on each other for food, health & entertainment.
>>
>> As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as
>> God
>> wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared &
>> accept it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born
>> totally blind by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent
>> operation
>> & recovered 70% vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short
>> vision
>> to hundred% & with aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.
>>
>> One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2
>> footings of blind &

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Dinesh Kaushal]

I am sorry to break my promise that I will not post again.

Vamshi Said: I think it is unfair towards a child to have him/her disabled if 
parents unilaterally feel that bringing up a disabled child is normal.

Dinesh: so is disability greater than life? We are not asking to make someone 
disabled, but disability could be part of the person. I don't like the idea if 
my parents would have aborted me if they could determine that I could be blind. 
And my siblings would also not have born if my parents were at risk of having 
one blind child.

-Original Message-
From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of 
Vamshi. G
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 8:16 PM
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the 
disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

There are genetic centres like LVP, Hyderabad and SN, Chennai etc.
that can advise on the children getting the disability.  This is
something very important and should not be ignored by parents.  Though
I accept that a blind parent is more familiar about methods required
to bring up a blind child, there are certain issues where children
need support which can not be provided by that parent.  More
importantly, I think it is unfair towards a child to have him/her
disabled if parents unilaterally feel that bringing up a disabled
child is normal.

On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be my
> last post on this issue.
>
> Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be true.
> Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to office
> etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they might
> have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come and
> they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but
> parents of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their daughter
> as well. And this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of
> independence would be a big contributor in the belief system.
>
> And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions
> would reveal that.
>
>
> -Original Message-
> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf
> Of SKYLINER
> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
> To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>
> Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples today.
>  Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand, no
> house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it
> paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
>
> As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for
> being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely one
> cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time
> including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted partner.
>
>
> Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which
> everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser concerns
> to family dependence.
>
> I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their duties
> as brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind
> newcomer in their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every
> household chores or for personal needs.  After all, everybody is dependent
> in family on each other for food, health & entertainment.
>
> As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as God
> wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared &
> accept it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born
> totally blind by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent operation
> & recovered 70% vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short vision
> to hundred% & with aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.
>
> One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2
> footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden inferiority
> & superiority relating vision  possessions.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal  wrote
>
>>Disclaimer:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability
> would have children with d

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Dinesh Kaushal]

Start small. Instead of gas directly, start with microwave.


-Original Message-
From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of 
sadaf khan
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 8:30 PM
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the 
disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

considering that independence is the key to have a good and
self-sufficient life, what can one do in cases where the parents are
not open to train the child in mobility? in cases where parents fear
to leave their child to handle a gas? and in cases where the child is
independent but still the parents prefer a sighted partner instead of
an independent VI partner?

On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be my
> last post on this issue.
>
> Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be true.
> Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to office
> etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they might
> have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come and
> they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but
> parents of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their daughter
> as well. And this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of
> independence would be a big contributor in the belief system.
>
> And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions
> would reveal that.
>
>
> -Original Message-
> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf
> Of SKYLINER
> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
> To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>
> Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples today.
>  Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand, no
> house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it
> paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
>
> As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for
> being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely one
> cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time
> including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted partner.
>
>
> Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which
> everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser concerns
> to family dependence.
>
> I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their duties
> as brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind
> newcomer in their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every
> household chores or for personal needs.  After all, everybody is dependent
> in family on each other for food, health & entertainment.
>
> As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as God
> wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared &
> accept it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born
> totally blind by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent operation
> & recovered 70% vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short vision
> to hundred% & with aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.
>
> One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2
> footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden inferiority
> & superiority relating vision  possessions.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal  wrote
>
>>Disclaimer:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability
> would have children with disability. Not sure if it is for all disabilities
> or each major disability has 1 percent chance.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> But if both partners have a gene that can cause same disability even if they
> do not have disability themselves, they have a very high chance of a child
> with disability. So many people without disability don't know that their
> children could be disabled. But high chance does not mean hundred percent
> chance; It could be at most 50 percent. Since I am no genetic expert, please
> check.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Same disability means exact cause of disability. For example, if both
> pa

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Vamshi. G]

Can any independent VI partner be a match with a sighted partner?  I
am confining this to  the mobility and independent living issue, and
not in general about attitude, good heartedness, etc.

On 2/8/17, sadaf khan <ksadaf1...@gmail.com> wrote:
> considering that independence is the key to have a good and
> self-sufficient life, what can one do in cases where the parents are
> not open to train the child in mobility? in cases where parents fear
> to leave their child to handle a gas? and in cases where the child is
> independent but still the parents prefer a sighted partner instead of
> an independent VI partner?
>
> On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>> I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be
>> my
>> last post on this issue.
>>
>> Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be
>> true.
>> Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to
>> office
>> etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they
>> might
>> have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come
>> and
>> they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but
>> parents of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their
>> daughter
>> as well. And this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of
>> independence would be a big contributor in the belief system.
>>
>> And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions
>> would reveal that.
>>
>>
>> -Original Message-
>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On
>> Behalf
>> Of SKYLINER
>> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
>> To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
>> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>>
>> Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples
>> today.
>>  Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand,
>> no
>> house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it
>> paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
>>
>> As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for
>> being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely
>> one
>> cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time
>> including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted
>> partner.
>>
>>
>> Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which
>> everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser
>> concerns
>> to family dependence.
>>
>> I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their
>> duties
>> as brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind
>> newcomer in their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every
>> household chores or for personal needs.  After all, everybody is
>> dependent
>> in family on each other for food, health & entertainment.
>>
>> As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as
>> God
>> wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared &
>> accept it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born
>> totally blind by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent
>> operation
>> & recovered 70% vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short
>> vision
>> to hundred% & with aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.
>>
>> One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2
>> footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden
>> inferiority
>> & superiority relating vision  possessions.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal  wrote
>>
>>>Disclaimer:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about
>> it.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability
>> would have children with disability. Not sure if it is for all
>> disabilities
>> or each major disability has 1 percent chance.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> But if both partners have a gene that can cause same disability even if
>> they
>> do not have disabilit

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[sadaf khan]

considering that independence is the key to have a good and
self-sufficient life, what can one do in cases where the parents are
not open to train the child in mobility? in cases where parents fear
to leave their child to handle a gas? and in cases where the child is
independent but still the parents prefer a sighted partner instead of
an independent VI partner?

On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be my
> last post on this issue.
>
> Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be true.
> Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to office
> etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they might
> have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come and
> they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but
> parents of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their daughter
> as well. And this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of
> independence would be a big contributor in the belief system.
>
> And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions
> would reveal that.
>
>
> -Original Message-
> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf
> Of SKYLINER
> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
> To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>
> Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples today.
>  Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand, no
> house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it
> paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
>
> As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for
> being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely one
> cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time
> including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted partner.
>
>
> Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which
> everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser concerns
> to family dependence.
>
> I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their duties
> as brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind
> newcomer in their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every
> household chores or for personal needs.  After all, everybody is dependent
> in family on each other for food, health & entertainment.
>
> As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as God
> wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared &
> accept it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born
> totally blind by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent operation
> & recovered 70% vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short vision
> to hundred% & with aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.
>
> One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2
> footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden inferiority
> & superiority relating vision  possessions.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal  wrote
>
>>Disclaimer:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability
> would have children with disability. Not sure if it is for all disabilities
> or each major disability has 1 percent chance.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> But if both partners have a gene that can cause same disability even if they
> do not have disability themselves, they have a very high chance of a child
> with disability. So many people without disability don't know that their
> children could be disabled. But high chance does not mean hundred percent
> chance; It could be at most 50 percent. Since I am no genetic expert, please
> check.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Same disability means exact cause of disability. For example, if both
> partners have genetic modification to cause glaucoma then it is same. But if
> one has genes for glaucoma and the other has genes for another cause such as
> Optic Atrophy, then the chance is as good as chance in a general population
> i.e. 1 percent. So if both partners are blind due to different causes, they
> should not worry too much about it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Besides, In my 

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Vamshi. G]

There are genetic centres like LVP, Hyderabad and SN, Chennai etc.
that can advise on the children getting the disability.  This is
something very important and should not be ignored by parents.  Though
I accept that a blind parent is more familiar about methods required
to bring up a blind child, there are certain issues where children
need support which can not be provided by that parent.  More
importantly, I think it is unfair towards a child to have him/her
disabled if parents unilaterally feel that bringing up a disabled
child is normal.

On 2/8/17, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be my
> last post on this issue.
>
> Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be true.
> Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to office
> etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they might
> have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come and
> they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but
> parents of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their daughter
> as well. And this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of
> independence would be a big contributor in the belief system.
>
> And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions
> would reveal that.
>
>
> -Original Message-
> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf
> Of SKYLINER
> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
> To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>
> Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples today.
>  Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand, no
> house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it
> paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
>
> As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for
> being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely one
> cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time
> including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted partner.
>
>
> Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which
> everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser concerns
> to family dependence.
>
> I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their duties
> as brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind
> newcomer in their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every
> household chores or for personal needs.  After all, everybody is dependent
> in family on each other for food, health & entertainment.
>
> As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as God
> wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared &
> accept it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born
> totally blind by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent operation
> & recovered 70% vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short vision
> to hundred% & with aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.
>
> One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2
> footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden inferiority
> & superiority relating vision  possessions.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal  wrote
>
>>Disclaimer:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability
> would have children with disability. Not sure if it is for all disabilities
> or each major disability has 1 percent chance.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> But if both partners have a gene that can cause same disability even if they
> do not have disability themselves, they have a very high chance of a child
> with disability. So many people without disability don't know that their
> children could be disabled. But high chance does not mean hundred percent
> chance; It could be at most 50 percent. Since I am no genetic expert, please
> check.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Same disability means exact cause of disability. For example, if both
> partners have genetic modification to cause glaucoma then it is same. But if
> one has genes for glaucoma and the other has genes for another cause such as
> Optic Atrophy, then the chance is as good as chance in a general population

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Dinesh Kaushal]

I just realized we might be going beyond list guidelines, so this will be my 
last post on this issue.

Saying that independence is not an issue for blind persons may not be true. 
Many people are actually not independent though they may be going to office 
etc. I think even parents would not be consciously thinking that they might 
have to do extra work, but they might be thinking that someone will come and 
they will no longer have to worry about their child. I am not sure, but parents 
of blind girls would be worried about the safety of their daughter as well. And 
this things may or may not be correct, but I feel lack of independence would be 
a big contributor in the belief system.

And if you ask, they may not be able to articulate it, but their actions would 
reveal that.


-Original Message-
From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of 
SKYLINER
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2017 4:17 PM
To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples today.  
Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand, no 
house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it paid 
one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.

As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for being 
independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely one cannot 
move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time including moving 
to work places for advantages of having a sighted partner.  

Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which 
everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser concerns to 
family dependence.  

I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their duties as 
brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind newcomer in 
their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every household chores or 
for personal needs.  After all, everybody is dependent in family on each other 
for food, health & entertainment.

As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as God 
wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared & accept 
it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born totally blind 
by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent operation & recovered 70% 
vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short vision to hundred% & with 
aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.  

One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2 
footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden inferiority & 
superiority relating vision  possessions.

 





On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal  wrote

>Disclaimer:







I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about it.







As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability would 
have children with disability. Not sure if it is for all disabilities or each 
major disability has 1 percent chance.







But if both partners have a gene that can cause same disability even if they do 
not have disability themselves, they have a very high chance of a child with 
disability. So many people without disability don't know that their children 
could be disabled. But high chance does not mean hundred percent chance; It 
could be at most 50 percent. Since I am no genetic expert, please check.







Same disability means exact cause of disability. For example, if both partners 
have genetic modification to cause glaucoma then it is same. But if one has 
genes for glaucoma and the other has genes for another cause such as Optic 
Atrophy, then the chance is as good as chance in a general population i.e. 1 
percent. So if both partners are blind due to different causes, they should not 
worry too much about it.







Besides, In my view a well-trained blind parent can take better care of a blind 
child as he or she has already learned to live a life with disability, and the 
real acceptance about disability would come only when people stop worrying 
about unborn disabled children.







-Original Message-



From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of 
P. Subramani



Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 7:53 PM



To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the 
disabled. 



Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners







another aspect for discouraging marriage between 2 disabled persons is 



more to do with genetics, the chances of having offsprings with disabilities 



is quite high, although close-relation marriages are also the causes of 



offspring with disabilities. In my experience, less than one percent of 



such cou

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[SKYLINER]

Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples today.  
Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand, no 
house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it paid 
one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.

As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for being 
independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality.  Definitely one cannot 
move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time including moving 
to work places for advantages of having a sighted partner.  

Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which 
everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser concerns to 
family dependence.  

I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their duties as 
brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind newcomer in 
their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every household chores or 
for personal needs.  After all, everybody is dependent in family on each other 
for food, health & entertainment.

As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as God 
wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared & accept 
it, fight it out.  I have a few examples where their son was born totally blind 
by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent operation & recovered 70% 
vision.  We know every sighted person is 4-5% short vision to hundred% & with 
aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually.  

One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2 
footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden inferiority & 
superiority relating vision  possessions.

 





On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal  wrote

>Disclaimer:







I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about it.







As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability would 
have children with disability. Not sure if it is for all disabilities or each 
major disability has 1 percent chance.







But if both partners have a gene that can cause same disability even if they do 
not have disability themselves, they have a very high chance of a child with 
disability. So many people without disability don't know that their children 
could be disabled. But high chance does not mean hundred percent chance; It 
could be at most 50 percent. Since I am no genetic expert, please check.







Same disability means exact cause of disability. For example, if both partners 
have genetic modification to cause glaucoma then it is same. But if one has 
genes for glaucoma and the other has genes for another cause such as Optic 
Atrophy, then the chance is as good as chance in a general population i.e. 1 
percent. So if both partners are blind due to different causes, they should not 
worry too much about it.







Besides, In my view a well-trained blind parent can take better care of a blind 
child as he or she has already learned to live a life with disability, and the 
real acceptance about disability would come only when people stop worrying 
about unborn disabled children.







-Original Message-



From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of 
P. Subramani



Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 7:53 PM



To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the 
disabled. 



Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners







another aspect for discouraging marriage between 2 disabled persons is 



more to do with genetics, the chances of having offsprings with disabilities 



is quite high, although close-relation marriages are also the causes of 



offspring with disabilities. In my experience, less than one percent of 



such couples lead an independent life without depending on others for 



cooking, household work, etc. I do feel some strong reactions would be 



expected to my mail, but lets not be hypocratical, most blind/disabled 



have non-disabled partner.



E-Mail: subramani6...@gmail.com



Mob: 9738150192



Facebook: facebook.com/subu.subramani.16



- Original Message - 



From: "Dinesh Kaushal" 



To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning 



the disabled." 



Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 2:42 PM



Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners











> Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated.



>



> Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine 



> concern that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage 



> or not. 2. Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start 



> depending on them for their daily needs.



>



> Unless people with disabili

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Dinesh Kaushal]

Disclaimer:

I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about it.

As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability would 
have children with disability. Not sure if it is for all disabilities or each 
major disability has 1 percent chance.

But if both partners have a gene that can cause same disability even if they do 
not have disability themselves, they have a very high chance of a child with 
disability. So many people without disability don't know that their children 
could be disabled. But high chance does not mean hundred percent chance; It 
could be at most 50 percent. Since I am no genetic expert, please check.

Same disability means exact cause of disability. For example, if both partners 
have genetic modification to cause glaucoma then it is same. But if one has 
genes for glaucoma and the other has genes for another cause such as Optic 
Atrophy, then the chance is as good as chance in a general population i.e. 1 
percent. So if both partners are blind due to different causes, they should not 
worry too much about it.

Besides, In my view a well-trained blind parent can take better care of a blind 
child as he or she has already learned to live a life with disability, and the 
real acceptance about disability would come only when people stop worrying 
about unborn disabled children.

-Original Message-
From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of 
P. Subramani
Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 7:53 PM
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the 
disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

another aspect  for discouraging marriage  between 2 disabled persons is 
more to do with genetics, the chances of having offsprings with disabilities 
is quite high, although close-relation marriages are also the causes of 
offspring with disabilities.  In my experience, less than  one percent of 
such couples lead an independent life without depending on others for 
cooking, household work, etc.  I do feel some strong reactions would be 
expected to my mail, but lets not be  hypocratical, most blind/disabled 
have non-disabled partner.
E-Mail:  subramani6...@gmail.com
Mob:  9738150192
Facebook: facebook.com/subu.subramani.16
- Original Message - 
From: "Dinesh Kaushal" <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com>
To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning 
the disabled." <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 2:42 PM
Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners


> Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated.
>
> Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine 
> concern that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage 
> or not. 2. Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start 
> depending on them for their daily needs.
>
> Unless people with disabilities become independent, they cannot hope to be 
> able to make decisions for their life. Well, there is another problem 
> which I cannot address here, that Indian parents often do not allow their 
> children to make their decision anyways.
>
> The most important skill is mobility skill. For example, it is not 
> blindness that prevents blind persons to be able to independently move 
> around, but it is lack of training in mobility and orientation skills. 
> During my student life, my parents didn't allow me to travel alone, but 
> that limited my skill development in independent living. Once I realized 
> it is not going to work out, I had to insist that I will travel alone. If 
> I didn't take that step, later my parents would have thought that I would 
> not able to manage on my own. I have seen too many examples of blind 
> persons depending on others for mobility. It is ok to ask for directions 
> or assistance for new places, but if you need assistance for the same 
> place for years or months, then you need to think whether you have made 
> enough effort to become independent. It is important to note that we often 
> ask what society does for us without pausing to reflect how much we limit 
> ourselves without challenging our own limitations. While I am on the topic 
> of independent mobility I would also caution reckless behavior. For 
> example trying to cross a busy road might not be a wise idea. Often I had 
> to wait for 10 or 15 minutes near my college as the traffic was too heavy.
>
> Another very important skill is how to seek help. For new places, you 
> cannot always go with someone whom you trust. So it is important that you 
> feel ok to ask for help. It is also important to have confidence that you 
> will manage when you face the problem. I remember when I started to trave

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Ajay Minocha]

Hi,

Saying from my personal experience, the only thing we need for
convincing is independence.

On 2/7/17, P. Subramani <subramani6...@gmail.com> wrote:
> another aspect  for discouraging marriage  between 2 disabled persons is
> more to do with genetics, the chances of having offsprings with disabilities
>
> is quite high, although close-relation marriages are also the causes of
> offspring with disabilities.  In my experience, less than  one percent of
> such couples lead an independent life without depending on others for
> cooking, household work, etc.  I do feel some strong reactions would be
> expected to my mail, but lets not be  hypocratical, most blind/disabled
> have non-disabled partner.
> E-Mail:  subramani6...@gmail.com
> Mob:  9738150192
> Facebook: facebook.com/subu.subramani.16
> - Original Message -
> From: "Dinesh Kaushal" <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com>
> To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning
>
> the disabled." <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
> Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 2:42 PM
> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>
>
>> Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated.
>>
>> Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine
>> concern that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage
>>
>> or not. 2. Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start
>>
>> depending on them for their daily needs.
>>
>> Unless people with disabilities become independent, they cannot hope to be
>>
>> able to make decisions for their life. Well, there is another problem
>> which I cannot address here, that Indian parents often do not allow their
>>
>> children to make their decision anyways.
>>
>> The most important skill is mobility skill. For example, it is not
>> blindness that prevents blind persons to be able to independently move
>> around, but it is lack of training in mobility and orientation skills.
>> During my student life, my parents didn't allow me to travel alone, but
>> that limited my skill development in independent living. Once I realized
>> it is not going to work out, I had to insist that I will travel alone. If
>>
>> I didn't take that step, later my parents would have thought that I would
>>
>> not able to manage on my own. I have seen too many examples of blind
>> persons depending on others for mobility. It is ok to ask for directions
>> or assistance for new places, but if you need assistance for the same
>> place for years or months, then you need to think whether you have made
>> enough effort to become independent. It is important to note that we often
>>
>> ask what society does for us without pausing to reflect how much we limit
>>
>> ourselves without challenging our own limitations. While I am on the topic
>>
>> of independent mobility I would also caution reckless behavior. For
>> example trying to cross a busy road might not be a wise idea. Often I had
>>
>> to wait for 10 or 15 minutes near my college as the traffic was too
>> heavy.
>>
>> Another very important skill is how to seek help. For new places, you
>> cannot always go with someone whom you trust. So it is important that you
>>
>> feel ok to ask for help. It is also important to have confidence that you
>>
>> will manage when you face the problem. I remember when I started to travel
>>
>> independently, I tried to think all possible problems that I would face.
>> But this paralyzed me and I would avoid to go out. but when I decided to
>> take things as they come, I felt easy to start and after solving some
>> challenges I got more confidence that I can travel alone.
>>
>> I still face challenges, but they are no longer a significant one to
>> prevent me in dealing with daily life issues.
>>
>> I can't say too much about cooking as my skills are limited to heating up
>>
>> food and occasionally making things such as Maggie. But I know my friends
>>
>> Payal Kapoor, Veena  Mehta and Pranay Gadodia, and my wife Madhu Bala
>> Sharma who are able to cook as good as any sighted person. So I can
>> conclude that cooking is not a problem of blindness, though  it could be a
>>
>> good excuse if you don't want to do it.
>>
>> If you can afford, cooking can also be managed by hiring someone to do it
>>
>> for you.
>>
>> At the end if you can demonstrate that you can manage with or without paid
>>
>> or unpaid help, your family members would trust you. 

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[P. Subramani]

another aspect  for discouraging marriage  between 2 disabled persons is 
more to do with genetics, the chances of having offsprings with disabilities 
is quite high, although close-relation marriages are also the causes of 
offspring with disabilities.  In my experience, less than  one percent of 
such couples lead an independent life without depending on others for 
cooking, household work, etc.  I do feel some strong reactions would be 
expected to my mail, but lets not be  hypocratical, most blind/disabled 
have non-disabled partner.

E-Mail:  subramani6...@gmail.com
Mob:  9738150192
Facebook: facebook.com/subu.subramani.16
- Original Message - 
From: "Dinesh Kaushal" <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com>
To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning 
the disabled." <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>

Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 2:42 PM
Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners



Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated.

Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine 
concern that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage 
or not. 2. Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start 
depending on them for their daily needs.


Unless people with disabilities become independent, they cannot hope to be 
able to make decisions for their life. Well, there is another problem 
which I cannot address here, that Indian parents often do not allow their 
children to make their decision anyways.


The most important skill is mobility skill. For example, it is not 
blindness that prevents blind persons to be able to independently move 
around, but it is lack of training in mobility and orientation skills. 
During my student life, my parents didn't allow me to travel alone, but 
that limited my skill development in independent living. Once I realized 
it is not going to work out, I had to insist that I will travel alone. If 
I didn't take that step, later my parents would have thought that I would 
not able to manage on my own. I have seen too many examples of blind 
persons depending on others for mobility. It is ok to ask for directions 
or assistance for new places, but if you need assistance for the same 
place for years or months, then you need to think whether you have made 
enough effort to become independent. It is important to note that we often 
ask what society does for us without pausing to reflect how much we limit 
ourselves without challenging our own limitations. While I am on the topic 
of independent mobility I would also caution reckless behavior. For 
example trying to cross a busy road might not be a wise idea. Often I had 
to wait for 10 or 15 minutes near my college as the traffic was too heavy.


Another very important skill is how to seek help. For new places, you 
cannot always go with someone whom you trust. So it is important that you 
feel ok to ask for help. It is also important to have confidence that you 
will manage when you face the problem. I remember when I started to travel 
independently, I tried to think all possible problems that I would face. 
But this paralyzed me and I would avoid to go out. but when I decided to 
take things as they come, I felt easy to start and after solving some 
challenges I got more confidence that I can travel alone.


I still face challenges, but they are no longer a significant one to 
prevent me in dealing with daily life issues.


I can't say too much about cooking as my skills are limited to heating up 
food and occasionally making things such as Maggie. But I know my friends 
Payal Kapoor, Veena  Mehta and Pranay Gadodia, and my wife Madhu Bala 
Sharma who are able to cook as good as any sighted person. So I can 
conclude that cooking is not a problem of blindness, though  it could be a 
good excuse if you don't want to do it.


If you can afford, cooking can also be managed by hiring someone to do it 
for you.


At the end if you can demonstrate that you can manage with or without paid 
or unpaid help, your family members would trust you. While we are on the 
issue of help, remember you need to have broad set of people whom you can 
depend for help. Like you, everyone else also has their own life so  don't 
expect people to help you all the time.


At the end, action speaks louder than words, so if you can demonstrate 
that you can live independently, you have better chance of convincing your 
parents.




-Original Message-
From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On 
Behalf Of avinash shahi

Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 11:10 AM
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning 
the disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>

Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

Realistic solutions aminate from experience. Families will have to be
convinced to accept the couple and things will 

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Zoher Kheriwala]

ne to do it
>> for you.
>>
>> At the end if you can demonstrate that you can manage with or without paid
>> or unpaid help, your family members would trust you. While we are on the
>> issue of help, remember you need to have broad set of people whom you can
>> depend for help. Like you, everyone else also has their own life so  don't
>> expect people to help you all the time.
>>
>> At the end, action speaks louder than words, so if you can demonstrate
>> that you can live independently, you have better chance of convincing your
>> parents.
>>
>>
>>
>> -Original Message-
>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On
>> Behalf Of avinash shahi
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 11:10 AM
>> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning
>> the disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
>> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
>>
>> Realistic solutions aminate from experience. Families will have to be
>> convinced to accept the couple and things will be normal within weeks
>> and months. One could take their parants to one's friends who are apt
>> at living independently and cooking with their families. Remember, not
>> only disability but caste, region and religion are still major
>> barriers which cause tsunami in the love-life of consenting couples.
>> Normally, No parants of blind people want them to marry a blind
>> girl/boy, but we will have to convince them if we desire. Tensions
>> might occur but things get settled as we choose the path. Parants
>> should be convinced that its me who is gonna spend life with my
>> partner not you. So continue to shower blessings and accept us.
>>> On 2/7/17, Amar Jain <amarj...@amarjain.com> wrote:
>>> Hi All,
>>>
>>> I am sure some of you would have faced the issue of convincing either of
>>> the
>>> family where parents just do not wish to consider a potential match
>>> purely
>>> because in their opinion, people with blindness are incapacitated to be
>>> a
>>> couple and independent living with family support is the only way out.
>>>
>>> Importantly, in such cases, skills like mobility, cooking etc are
>>> absent.
>>> While there are ways to address the issue of skill set, how does one
>>> deal
>>> with attitudinal barriers where parties are not open to hear and
>>> understand
>>> the ways and means adopted by other couples?
>>>
>>> Any realistic solutions are welcomed.
>>>
>>> Warmly,
>>> Amar Jain
>>>
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>
>>>
>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility
>>> of
>>> mobile phones / Tabs on:
>>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in
>>>
>>>
>>> Search for old postings at:
>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/
>>>
>>> To unsubscribe send a message to
>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in
>>> with the subject unsubscribe.
>>>
>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes,
>>> please
>>> visit the list home page at
>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
>>>
>>>
>>> Disclaimer:
>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of
>>> the
>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity;
>>>
>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the
>>> mails
>>> sent through this mailing list..
>>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Avinash Shahi
>> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
>>
>>
>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of
>> mobile phones / Tabs on:
>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in
>>
>>
>> Search for old postings at:
>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/
>>
>> To unsubscribe send a message to
>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in
>> with the subject unsubscribe.
>>
>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes,
>> please visit the list home page at
>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
>>
>>
&

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Amar Jain]

Indeed substantial points. I'll bother you over this weekend to take this 
further.

Warm Regards,
Amar Jain

Sent from my iPhone

> On 07-Feb-2017, at 2:42 PM, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> 
> Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated.
> 
> Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine concern 
> that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage or not. 2. 
> Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start depending on 
> them for their daily needs.
> 
> Unless people with disabilities become independent, they cannot hope to be 
> able to make decisions for their life. Well, there is another problem which I 
> cannot address here, that Indian parents often do not allow their children to 
> make their decision anyways.
> 
> The most important skill is mobility skill. For example, it is not blindness 
> that prevents blind persons to be able to independently move around, but it 
> is lack of training in mobility and orientation skills. During my student 
> life, my parents didn't allow me to travel alone, but that limited my skill 
> development in independent living. Once I realized it is not going to work 
> out, I had to insist that I will travel alone. If I didn't take that step, 
> later my parents would have thought that I would not able to manage on my 
> own. I have seen too many examples of blind persons depending on others for 
> mobility. It is ok to ask for directions or assistance for new places, but if 
> you need assistance for the same place for years or months, then you need to 
> think whether you have made enough effort to become independent. It is 
> important to note that we often ask what society does for us without pausing 
> to reflect how much we limit ourselves without challenging our own 
> limitations. While I am
  on the topic of independent mobility I would also caution reckless behavior. 
For example trying to cross a busy road might not be a wise idea. Often I had 
to wait for 10 or 15 minutes near my college as the traffic was too heavy.
> 
> Another very important skill is how to seek help. For new places, you cannot 
> always go with someone whom you trust. So it is important that you feel ok to 
> ask for help. It is also important to have confidence that you will manage 
> when you face the problem. I remember when I started to travel independently, 
> I tried to think all possible problems that I would face. But this paralyzed 
> me and I would avoid to go out. but when I decided to take things as they 
> come, I felt easy to start and after solving some challenges I got more 
> confidence that I can travel alone.
> 
> I still face challenges, but they are no longer a significant one to prevent 
> me in dealing with daily life issues.
> 
> I can't say too much about cooking as my skills are limited to heating up 
> food and occasionally making things such as Maggie. But I know my friends 
> Payal Kapoor, Veena  Mehta and Pranay Gadodia, and my wife Madhu Bala Sharma 
> who are able to cook as good as any sighted person. So I can conclude that 
> cooking is not a problem of blindness, though  it could be a good excuse if 
> you don't want to do it.
> 
> If you can afford, cooking can also be managed by hiring someone to do it for 
> you.
> 
> At the end if you can demonstrate that you can manage with or without paid or 
> unpaid help, your family members would trust you. While we are on the issue 
> of help, remember you need to have broad set of people whom you can depend 
> for help. Like you, everyone else also has their own life so  don't expect 
> people to help you all the time. 
> 
> At the end, action speaks louder than words, so if you can demonstrate that 
> you can live independently, you have better chance of convincing your parents.
> 
> 
> 
> -Original Message-
> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf 
> Of avinash shahi
> Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 11:10 AM
> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning 
> the disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners
> 
> Realistic solutions aminate from experience. Families will have to be
> convinced to accept the couple and things will be normal within weeks
> and months. One could take their parants to one's friends who are apt
> at living independently and cooking with their families. Remember, not
> only disability but caste, region and religion are still major
> barriers which cause tsunami in the love-life of consenting couples.
> Normally, No parants of blind people want them to marry a blind
> girl/boy, but we will have to con

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Dinesh Kaushal]

Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated.

Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine concern 
that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage or not. 2. 
Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start depending on 
them for their daily needs.

Unless people with disabilities become independent, they cannot hope to be able 
to make decisions for their life. Well, there is another problem which I cannot 
address here, that Indian parents often do not allow their children to make 
their decision anyways.

The most important skill is mobility skill. For example, it is not blindness 
that prevents blind persons to be able to independently move around, but it is 
lack of training in mobility and orientation skills. During my student life, my 
parents didn't allow me to travel alone, but that limited my skill development 
in independent living. Once I realized it is not going to work out, I had to 
insist that I will travel alone. If I didn't take that step, later my parents 
would have thought that I would not able to manage on my own. I have seen too 
many examples of blind persons depending on others for mobility. It is ok to 
ask for directions or assistance for new places, but if you need assistance for 
the same place for years or months, then you need to think whether you have 
made enough effort to become independent. It is important to note that we often 
ask what society does for us without pausing to reflect how much we limit 
ourselves without challenging our own limitations. While I am o
 n the topic of independent mobility I would also caution reckless behavior. 
For example trying to cross a busy road might not be a wise idea. Often I had 
to wait for 10 or 15 minutes near my college as the traffic was too heavy.
 
Another very important skill is how to seek help. For new places, you cannot 
always go with someone whom you trust. So it is important that you feel ok to 
ask for help. It is also important to have confidence that you will manage when 
you face the problem. I remember when I started to travel independently, I 
tried to think all possible problems that I would face. But this paralyzed me 
and I would avoid to go out. but when I decided to take things as they come, I 
felt easy to start and after solving some challenges I got more confidence that 
I can travel alone.

I still face challenges, but they are no longer a significant one to prevent me 
in dealing with daily life issues.

I can't say too much about cooking as my skills are limited to heating up food 
and occasionally making things such as Maggie. But I know my friends Payal 
Kapoor, Veena  Mehta and Pranay Gadodia, and my wife Madhu Bala Sharma who are 
able to cook as good as any sighted person. So I can conclude that cooking is 
not a problem of blindness, though  it could be a good excuse if you don't want 
to do it.

If you can afford, cooking can also be managed by hiring someone to do it for 
you.

At the end if you can demonstrate that you can manage with or without paid or 
unpaid help, your family members would trust you. While we are on the issue of 
help, remember you need to have broad set of people whom you can depend for 
help. Like you, everyone else also has their own life so  don't expect people 
to help you all the time. 

At the end, action speaks louder than words, so if you can demonstrate that you 
can live independently, you have better chance of convincing your parents.

 

-Original Message-
From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of 
avinash shahi
Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 11:10 AM
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the 
disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

Realistic solutions aminate from experience. Families will have to be
convinced to accept the couple and things will be normal within weeks
and months. One could take their parants to one's friends who are apt
at living independently and cooking with their families. Remember, not
only disability but caste, region and religion are still major
barriers which cause tsunami in the love-life of consenting couples.
Normally, No parants of blind people want them to marry a blind
girl/boy, but we will have to convince them if we desire. Tensions
might occur but things get settled as we choose the path. Parants
should be convinced that its me who is gonna spend life with my
partner not you. So continue to shower blessings and accept us.
On 2/7/17, Amar Jain <amarj...@amarjain.com> wrote:
> Hi All,
>
> I am sure some of you would have faced the issue of convincing either of the
> family where parents just do not wish to consider a potential match purely
> because in their opinion, people with blindness are incapacitated to be a
> couple and independent living with fami

Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[avinash shahi]

Realistic solutions aminate from experience. Families will have to be
convinced to accept the couple and things will be normal within weeks
and months. One could take their parants to one's friends who are apt
at living independently and cooking with their families. Remember, not
only disability but caste, region and religion are still major
barriers which cause tsunami in the love-life of consenting couples.
Normally, No parants of blind people want them to marry a blind
girl/boy, but we will have to convince them if we desire. Tensions
might occur but things get settled as we choose the path. Parants
should be convinced that its me who is gonna spend life with my
partner not you. So continue to shower blessings and accept us.
On 2/7/17, Amar Jain  wrote:
> Hi All,
>
> I am sure some of you would have faced the issue of convincing either of the
> family where parents just do not wish to consider a potential match purely
> because in their opinion, people with blindness are incapacitated to be a
> couple and independent living with family support is the only way out.
>
> Importantly, in such cases, skills like mobility, cooking etc are absent.
> While there are ways to address the issue of skill set, how does one deal
> with attitudinal barriers where parties are not open to hear and understand
> the ways and means adopted by other couples?
>
> Any realistic solutions are welcomed.
>
> Warmly,
> Amar Jain
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
>
> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of
> mobile phones / Tabs on:
> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in
>
>
> Search for old postings at:
> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/
>
> To unsubscribe send a message to
> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in
> with the subject unsubscribe.
>
> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please
> visit the list home page at
> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
>
>
> Disclaimer:
> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the
> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity;
>
> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails
> sent through this mailing list..
>


-- 
Avinash Shahi
Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU


Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of 
mobile phones / Tabs on:
http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in


Search for old postings at:
http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/

To unsubscribe send a message to
accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in
with the subject unsubscribe.

To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please 
visit the list home page at
http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in


Disclaimer:
1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the 
person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity;

2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent 
through this mailing list..

[AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners

[Amar Jain]

Hi All,

I am sure some of you would have faced the issue of convincing either of the 
family where parents just do not wish to consider a potential match purely 
because in their opinion, people with blindness are incapacitated to be a 
couple and independent living with family support is the only way out.

Importantly, in such cases, skills like mobility, cooking etc are absent. While 
there are ways to address the issue of skill set, how does one deal with 
attitudinal barriers where parties are not open to hear and understand the ways 
and means adopted by other couples?

Any realistic solutions are welcomed.

Warmly,
Amar Jain

Sent from my iPhone


Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of 
mobile phones / Tabs on:
http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in


Search for old postings at:
http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/

To unsubscribe send a message to
accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in
with the subject unsubscribe.

To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please 
visit the list home page at
http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in


Disclaimer:
1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the 
person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity;

2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent 
through this mailing list..