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LOL!
David L.
Ben Franklin: "Only a
virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt, they have
more need of masters."
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand
the
rules when dealing with women. This merit/demerit
guide
will
help you to understand just how it works.
Remember, in the world of
romance, one single rule
applies:
Make the woman happy. Do
something she likes, and you
get points. Do something she dislikes and
points are
subtrac-
ted. You don't get any points for doing something
she
expects.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make
the
bed.............................................................+1
You
make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pillows..-1
You throw
the bedspread over rumpled
sheets.....................-2
You leave the
toilet seat
up.................................................-5
You
replace the toilet paper roll when it is
empty................+5
When
the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex..-1
When the
Kleenex runs out you use the next
bathroom........-2
You go out to buy
her extra-light panty liners with
wings.....+5
in
the
rain.....................................................................+7
but
return
with
beer.............................................................-1
and
no
pads.....................................................................-25
You
check out a suspicious noise at
night....................+1
You check
out a suspicious noise and it is
nothing........ 0
You check out a
suspicious noise and it is
something...+5
You pummel it with a
six
iron............................................+10
It's
her
cat........................................................................-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire
party......................... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then
leave to chat
with a
school drinking
buddy................................................-2
Named
Tiffany.........................................................-20
Tiffany
is a
dancer...................................................-50
With
breast
implants..............................................-100
HER
BIRTHDAY
You remember her
birthday...................................... +1
You buy a card and
flowers......................................... +2
You take her out to
dinner........................................... +5
You take her out
to dinner and it's not a sports
bar.........+6
Okay, it is a sports
bar...............................................-20
And it's
all-you-can-eat
night.......................................-30
It's a
sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and
your
face is painted the
colors of your favorite
team..............-40
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE
BOYS
Go with a
pal.......................................................... 0
The pal
is happily
married.......................................+1
The pal is
single....................................................-10
He drives
a
Ferrari.................................................-20
With a
personalized license plate
(GR8NBED).........-30
A NIGHT OUT WITH
HER
You take her to a
movie...............................................+2
You take her to
a movie she
likes.................................+5
You take her to a
movie you
hate..................................+8
You take her to a
movie you
like....................................-5
It's called Death
Cop
III................................................-10
Which
features Cyborgs that eat
humans......................-15
You lied and
said it was a foreign film about
orphans.....-20
YOUR
PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable
pot
belly..........................................-15
You develop a
noticeable pot belly & exercise to get
rid of it..+10
You develop a
noticeable pot belly and resort to
loose
jeans and baggy
Hawaiian
shirts............................................-30
You say,
"It doesn't matter, you have one
too."............-1000
THE BIG
QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in
responding.........................-10
You reply,
"Where?"..................................-35
You reply, "No, I think
it's your big
butt!".......... Game Over-
You
lose
Greg Hopper
"Why is it that our children can't
read a Bible in school, but they can
in
prison?"
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