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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Friday, December 5, 2003
While reading a textbook of chemistry, I came upon the statement
'nitric acid acts upon copper,' and I determined to see what this meant.
Having located some nitric acid, I had only to learn what the words 'act
upon' meant. In the interest of knowledge, I was even willing to sacrifice
one of the few copper cents then in my possession. I put one of them on
the table, opened a bottle labeled 'nitric acid,' poured some of the
liquid on the copper, and prepared to make an observaction. But what was
this wonderful thing which I beheld? The cent was already changed, and it
was no small change either. A greenish-blue liquid foamed and fumed over
the cent and over the table. The air became colored dark red. How could I
stop this? I tried by picking the cent up and throwing it out the window.
I learned another fact: nitric acid acts upon fingers. The pain led to
another unpremeditated experiment. I drew my fingers across my trousers
and discovered nitric acid acts upon trousers. That was the most
impressive experiment I have ever performed. I tell of it even now with
interest. It was a revelation to me. Plainly the only way to learn about
such remarkable kinds of action is to see the results, to experiment, to
work in the laboratory. Ira Remsen, author of a chem text published in
1901 |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your slogan for the week should be "Carpe Dium", or "Sieze
the Day!." Once you sieze it, give it a good shake, just to prove you
mean business.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
This is a good time to remember Einstein's advice, to make
things as simple as possible, but no simpler. That applies both to
theoretical physics, and in your case, to dinner.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
It's time to stop beating around the bush. Move on to
beating around the ornamental shrubbery.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to introduce a bit of randomness into your life.
Try getting dressed in the dark, for example (it's what I do).
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Good day to wear tropical fruit on your head.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good time to invest some time in self-improvement. Or if
that seems too hard, you can always improve someone else. Oh sure,
they may gripe about it at first, but they'll thank you later.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You may have to share a hotel room with a business
colleague, to save travel expenses. Here's a tip to keep them from
talking all night: bring along a teddy bear, and punch it really hard
in the head a few times at bedtime, screaming "Shut up, Mr. Teddy!
Shut up!."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will hear a strange flapping sound today. Glancing
outside, you will see a precision drill team marching by wearing scuba
flippers and waving feather dusters. Avoid eye contact. Stay indoors.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
It's ok to whistle while you work. Your co-workers will
draw the line at yodelling while you work, however. They're probably
just jealous.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Something will start to bother you, and you will
eventually have to ask someone to explain it. The thing is, some birds
have very acute hearing - so WHERE ARE THEIR EARS??
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will be overly impressed by a commercial for a golf
club, which describes it as a "weapon of incredible range and power."
You will make people nervous by referring to your pencil as "a weapon
of incredible pointyness and surprise."
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will answer the phone today by shouting "You bloated
sack of protoplasm!." Unfortunately, it's not your friend calling.
It's your mother. |
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