I couldnt resist posting
this.
Malcolm
NEW CALIFORNIA BLUE STATES NATION!
Dear
Red States
We're
ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided
we're
leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the
other
Blue States with us.
In
case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota,
Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe
this
split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people
of
the new country of New California.
To
sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get
stem
cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get
Ken
Lay.
We
get the Statue of Liberty. You get
OpryLand.
We
get Intel and Microsoft. You get
WorldCom.
We
get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We
get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You
get Alabama.
We
get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red
states
pay their fair share.
Since
our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's,
we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms.
Please
be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti- war, and
we're
going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
people
to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently
willing
to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you
don't
show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.
We
do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're
not
willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With
the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
the
country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
lettuce,
92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
quality
wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of
all
cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
low-sulfur
coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and
Seven
Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With
the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent
of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92
percent
of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90
percent
of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually
100
percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
Clemson
and the University of Georgia.
We
get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally,
38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually
swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're
discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution
is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and
61
percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals
than
we lefties.
By
the way, we're taking the good pot, too.
You
can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Author
Unknown in New California.
