AOL EmailDear Jude, As usual, beautifully said and of course so right.
I'm afraid I had a bit of a rant which was not aimed at our list and certainly not of the many wonderful caregivers, who I acknowledge suffer as much as we do in a different way. I also acknowledge that we certainly don't suffer from the worst afflictions. My rant was very personal and comes from recent events which affected me fairly deeply and Rob was the catalyst for me to have a bit of a lash about them. One of my children's in laws has health problems and she seems to think I'm her personal support group and when we are all together as a family, it's always all about her and I'm expected to be very sympathetic and when I'm not I'm the wicked witch of the west! Happened again on Wednesday. I do try to be supportive but there are days when it's just too hard for me and I know you all understand that. I do think it's because mostly we look so damned healthy that it's hard for others to comprehend the pain and difficulties we endure. Sorry to ramble so much but I've been feeling very badly about upsetting people. Especially our truly wonderful caregivers without whom we could not exist I'm sure. much love to you all Gilly ----- Original Message ----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: [email protected] Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 7:07 PM Subject: Re: [TMIC] Anybody else been there? Hello All, Don't we remember how much it hurts to stub one's toe? I do...it hurts like hell for a few minutes. And, no...on the scale of TM, a stubbed toe is nothing, but for those few minutes it is something to the person it happens to. My husband is my only caretaker as we have no other family to step in and give him a break. I require constant care and he gets debilitating migraine headaches. When he is down, I must fend for myself until he is able to lend a hand. So I go for a few hours without a meal, it hasn't killed me yet. I am willing to do what I have to do as long as it keeps me out of the dreaded nursing home. For those of us lucky enough to have a caregiver spouse, as much as we suffer through every minute of every day, we have to remember that our caregivers are people too and their feelings don't just end when we become ill. They hurt. They get the flu, get headaches, stub their toes and they are entitled to bitch a little bit about it when they are under the weather. I'm not taking anything away from the torment we with TM live with on a daily basis. But, as bad as we have it...there are others in worse shape who have diseases we should be thankful not to have. I have been in this bed for over a year, but I feel fortunate that I am not as sick right now as I was back then when I was not expected to live. As often as I have said, "I just wish I were dead." "I'd be better off dead." Blah, blah, blah...when truly faced with it, I realized that I do not want to die...I want to live! I want to live even with TM if that's how I am meant to live. Everything happens for a reason, for our own growth, and for the honor of God. I need to go to sleep now, and pray that I will wake in the morning, not in the hospital, but here at home, in my own little lumpy hospital bed. I love each and every one of you and am so very thankful for your friendship and support. Without you I would have not made it this far. Without you and without God, I would have taken my life a long time ago on one of those nights I spent writhing in neverending pain and agony. Thank you for helping me be strong. Thank you for helping me be again...to have value as a human being. Thank you especially for the one person who has called me every day for almost a year until they became ill themselves. My dear Scarlett...I owe you everything...TIAD Hugs to you all, Jude I don't think we ought to minimize our pain, but we have to allow our families and friends to indulge themselves with a little bit of time to bitch about their cares and woes. I'm tired now, and am sure you get the picture. I've gone on now for some time. In a message dated 11/19/2008 10:00:20 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: My wife has been sick for around 5 days with a sore throat/cough (she is getting better). Anyway she asks me last night if I ever recall her feeling bad this long……what I should have answered was "no"…which is true….but instead I answered "imagine how it feels to be sick for more than 11 years"…her reply was "why does it always have to be about you?"…I apologized and just answered her question with a resounding NO! The point of this story is to show that even the people closest to us really have no idea how TM effects our daily life. How even the easiest things are now hard…and for the most part I (we) complain rarely and just go about our day dealing with our condition to the best of our ability. When we had the NJ TM support group on 11/2 I requested that the TM'rs bring their spouses or parents..hoping hearing from others would enlighten them in dealing with us. I would never wish TM on anyone (well maybe Bin Laden) but if our friends and loved ones could feel how we feel for just 5 minutes then they would be able to better relate. This will not happen and that is why this list and support groups are so important. We have a forum where we can discuss our TM related problems to people who truly understand! Just my thought for the day! Rob in New Jersey ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ One site has it all. Your email accounts, your social networks, and the things you love. Try the new AOL.com today!
