Go for it and good luck!!!! I relearned to water ski! I couldn't do it the way I did it before TM, I was on 2 skis this time. They were nailed together with wood and spikes and the rope was attached to the skis and then up to my arms. It took me an entire week of trying to get up and stay up for only 15 or 20 seconds, but it was sooooo worth it!!!!! I totally understand where you are coming from and what you feel you need, go and do! Be careful out there tomorrow, you are still withdrawing from your meds. I went cold turkey also, over 10 years ago and would rather live with the pain than in a fog and after time, my psychologist taught me all sorts of self hypnosis techniques that really help me. Send some of that adrenalin this way tomorrow! Lori
From: j ra Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2010 12:50 PM To: Transverse Myelytis Subject: RE: [TMIC] alive I truely appreciate everything that you each said to me about this. I guess it killed me a little inside when I saw what I was doing to my wife and the pressure she was under. I live in Brazil and I have a lot of faith in my team of doctors, but being a 10 on a pain scale of 1-10 everyday is sooooo hard. I do see a psychiatrist and don't believe I'm suffering from depression. It's just that before this I lived a really adventurous lifestyle. I Sky-dived, scuba-dived, spear-fished, hunted, rappeled....lived off adrenaline. Now I can't even get off the damn bed without tipping over. So, I came up with the idea to move to the caribbean by myself, just to see if I can dive again or do anything with this level of pain and get by. I am forcing myself to pick up my old lifestyle, but I really want to do it without meds and the look of my wife's face as I try to live and feel alive again. I think the only time I ever truely felt alive was when I first jumped out of an airplane at 12000 feet or when I shot my first 50 lb Grouper at 75 feet below sea level. I miss that. I want that again so bad. TM took everything I loved away from me, but gave me a remarkable appreciation for the life I once had. Guys, I'm just trying to do this for a couple of months.....challenge myself to go it alone, pretend it never happened. Use a cane and get around with my pain for a bit and sky-dive again, hunt again....maybe this is all very dangerous, but I have to do it for ME! I know getting off meds cold turkey was a bad idea....I feel it now as I type this, but I hate feeling so damned drugged up all the time. So, I selfishly chose adrenaline, at least for another 2 months or so......believe or not, my wife supports the idea....because she knows that I miss being Jeron. I refuse to be just a TM patient. Pain level today, honestly, 9 out of 10. I'm going scuba-diving in Tobago tomorrow with pain and a spear-gun....just to feel alive one more time. Jeron -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hotmail: Free, trusted and rich email service. Get it now.
