Fear of babies...yes, this is ON-topic!

[Brinatello]

Hi, all Yes, that's the right time; I can't sleep at the moment.  Been trying to find sources online of what the heck is wrong with me.  I thought for sure there'd be a phobia for this but maybe I'm just acting immature.  I'll say it here.  Babies make me uncomfortable!  I hate how I act around them: giggly, all smiley-face while on the inside I'm thinking, "What am I doing?"  Tristan seems to like it so I keep doing it.  When I watch others, I can only hold out for so long before leaving the room.  I don't even feel right when holding Tristan.  I have to be asked first if I want to hold him.   Now, here's the hard part.  Kat and Josh have been home since late June.  Both know they need jobs so Kat was the first to go and apply at the temp agency Office Team.  They immediately got her a job!  Now, Josh, has also been searching but he can't leave Tristan home alone.  They'd ask Christine (who has the better experience) but now she's going to be starting work at that nursing home.  We won't even discuss my grandmother because she's acting like a complete psycho and really can't be trusted to sit with Tristan again.  That leaves just one other person.  Me.  :(  Even though Kat wrote out excellent directions to taking care of Tristan, I'm completely terrified with being left to watch him.  They keep saying to me, "Oh, you'll be fine.  You can handle it."  Yes, but by choice?  I don't even know how to change a diaper!  Never did it before!  It's not hard but I'd feel odd doing it.  He's totally exposed and everything!  It's something I really don't want to do but if I don't, I'll probably get yelled at and then I'll really feel awful!   Here's why I've kept this on-topic.  I'm sure at times April and Casey left Shadow in the care of the four turtles and Splinter.  Michaelangelo and Splinter I can see not having a problem with that, Leonardo would be very responsible, Raphael would probably do fine as well but Donatello, I bet, would sit at the computer all night long!  I've teased him a few times of this subject in my fanfics, even made one short out of it if one can remember.  It'd be rather humorous of how he'd handle it...being technical and all.  Though, I have the most pity for him because he's so much like my uncle whom I can just sense feeling uncomfortable when handling Tristan.  Mom even asked him over the phone, "What if you were left alone in the house with him and had to change his diaper?"  I think he said something about calling one of us to come over and do it!   Just for laughs, I've had ideas of writing a short fanfic of the TMNT baby-sitting Shadow but now seeing how scary it is, for me anyway, I don't think I can do that to the poor guys.  It would almost seem hypocritical of me.  Writing in their words of how easy it can be while the author chews her fingernails in the corner.  I guess getting a taste of the real thing changes how I feel.  I think if I wrote it now, well, no, maybe not.  Even back when I was first planning the story, I felt awkward about it.  Always have been for as long as I can remember.   Ugh, I didn't look at the clock.....Yes, I did!  Sorry, to ramble about this; I think I fully confessed now.  Today is Mom's birthday so we're going over to my aunt's to celebrate with a birthday lunch and cake and goodies.  I have a feeling I will be asked by Kat if I can watch Tristan on Monday and even though I'll be a nervous wreck, I can't say no.  It wouldn't be right of me.  Lord, I hate my life right about now!  I need to change but hate the fact of being forced to!   Hey....I'll give some biiiiiig birthday wishes to Green, too!  Wherever he may be!   Brinatello