A very open mail and I am sure its going to be a looong one...so..take ur time...and read it at ease.
Now...I dont' know whr to start actually. Mm.....just to let you know...I am gng to go ahead and write down whtevr comes to mind...as it is..without editing or rephrasing. Some might find the whole deal stupid or just not a big deal (thr u go..I started already). Obviously I dont' feel so...and hence the mail. Mail not intended to munch on ur brain or chew ur time...but expecting ur thoughts on the same. ************************************************ Rajus' father coming and crying seeking monetary help...sayin rightaway that he needed 10k...and chandra garu arranging it (borrowing,out of his own pocket), prasanthi asking why he has come only to us for help and he saying there was no other go...... all this...has set off a blinker in my brain. The bulb goes ON OFF ON OFF ON OFF and multiple thoughts. Pardon me if I am sounding inhuman and ungrateful or otherwise to this poor mans' plead for help. But...the thought that pinches me more is....did he just lay back in peace and not put in any efforts to save atleast whatevr little he cud if he tried for his sons' immediate unforeseen expenses (????) since he knew we were there anyways?? THIS THOUHT BUGS ME LIKE ANYTHING. I totally understand and accept that we donot know how hard it is for them perhaps to meet their daily needs. But still....something feels soo missing here. Mind you..this is not an issue about money...or how much we spent on this case till now or so. Money is irrelevant to me here. It is more the affect & effect thing. Are we giving wrong signals to people....inspite of our best efforts to try Make A Difference?? I must share here...(with Prasanthis' permission...since I shared this thought only with her till now..)....that when I met Raju and his father back in hyd...I somehow had a very otherwise impression about Rajus' father. Otherwise as in....I felt he must be an alchoholic, a person who somehow wud always take advantage if he could - specially in monetary terms...and also that he was perhaps irresponsible. Again...how could I say all this about a person talking to him for just an hr...??? I donno. A Gutt Instinct though...like many of us experience in our lives...from just personal experiences. However...I wanted to give this man the benefit or doubt...but still wanted to play smart (? mean/devious/materialistic??? - donno). It is here that I kind of directly told in smooth n soft words...explaining parallelly...that they cannot expect more help from us..and have to put in their efforts and knock other doors for maintenance medications...since we will have to help others in a more serious situation. I also made a point...that Raju has to appreciate every healthy minute he now enjoys...and realise..that many hands put together has made this possible..and I like him...do not even know who this other hand holding mine...belongs to. He needs to understand that we intend to help..and we did more than we actually thought possible...and pulled him through the surgery part. Now his father has to put in extra efforts...and also try and do as much as he can. All said and done....and after that I conveyed to Prasanthi what I felt....and that we shud do all we can to avoid mis-use of funds/our efforts (both equally weigh here). I suggested we buy medicines directly and not give money...give cheques directly to hospital authorities....try co-ordinating first and c if it does the magic, instead of spending the money first on other cases....not put in public files all the list of our aquaintances in help/source of major funds...and so on. All was well...some guidelines kind of put to work....and suddenly this man shows up..and all this. I still stand by my statement that there is no second thought about doing all we can to save Rajus' life. Life is life..be it of a Sireesha or a Raju...or some other old man. Doing so much to save him till now..and letting it go now...doesnt' make sense. But at the same time.....how do we move forward if this goes on like this??? Every case will come back with more need...and we keep duin this. Two things will happn if this goes on....one/we will end up raising funds n funds n funds all the time...for new (? if we can afford them in future) and Old cases that come back to us like a vicious circle.....two/we will feel awful when we loose some lives becos of our inability to raise required amounts in time (how much will we keep raising? for how long? the same case on & on and how many will contribute??). A third scenario will be even more hopeless...some of us(who can never say no when sum1 comes in and asks for money) might even borrow money from others...and end up in debts (might not be too huge..but still is a seriously wrong situation). Am I thinking way ahead??? Isnt' that what we should do though...see/prepare for things before hand..and plan ahead...?? MAD is still at its infancy...and I think...this is where we should set some guidelines. To where will we help....how will we help...when we help - how do we make sure the other party gets the right picture...whr do we say STOP on a case n based on what....and XYZ many such as these. I am soo tired...had a super busy day...was almost sleeping reading my baby her bedtime book. BUT...this blinker like I said..was gng ON OFF ON OFF ON OFF...and I HAD to mail and get it all out. For those of you who are thinking right now that I shud take it easy and sleep over it....hello.....why join MAD in the first place then?? I dont' mean that I went restless over these thoughts and could think nothing else but stress out. I am surely not so beyond control of my own thoughts...and besides, I do set my priorities straight and have a full time life of a mom n wife to lead (defensive - wonder why??? - may be becos I wudn't like sum1 laughing at the mail sayin U SILLY) I had a qn in mind...and when I look for an answer..many other qns were popping up. Not a great feeling..and so the Mail. Pls mail me ur thoughts on this. I shall wait to hear back. Sorta Confused but smiling Divya
