On Wed, Aug 15, 2018 at 6:03 AM Doug Eastick <[email protected]> wrote:
> I always wondered who makes the labels for sex lube. You’re welcome. > > On Wed, Aug 15, 2018, 12:00 AM Kevin M., <[email protected]> wrote: > >> Back when I was an NBC Page, Howie Mandel had his clone of Rosie >> O’Donnell’s daytime talk show. I got along really well with nearly >> everybody on the crew, the writers in particular. One day, while seating >> the audience, I couldn’t help but notice it was not the usual “paid hobos” >> as That Scottish Conan Guy used to refer to them. For reasons I could not >> understand, the entire Portland Trailblazers Dancers crew was there to >> attend a taping... a couple dozen NBA cheerleaders... and me. Upon learning >> this, word came down from the writer’s room: If I could get the >> cheerleaders into their room after the show, I’d be guaranteed a job. >> >> Granted, Howie’s show was not the best representation of the talents of >> anyone involved; Howie wasn’t allowed to be Howie, and the writers weren’t >> really allowed to produce any material that wasn’t in the style of what >> Rosie would do (keep in mind she dominated daytime at that point). Guests >> were rarely A-List. Along the way Howie did manage to find his own local >> characters to regularly appear (think Mujibur and Sirajul), including an >> elderly lady named Francis who ran what she called a “cake museum.” >> Nevertheless, a job was a job (one was only allowed to be an NBC Page for a >> year). I worked my magic (my magic involved a lot of pathetic begging) and >> filled the writer’s room with cheerleaders. >> >> This was an absolute lock for me. Howie liked me. The writer’s liked me. >> The talent department liked me. The announcer (aka the voice of The Brain) >> liked me. I’d even appeared on camera on the show a couple times. What >> could possibly go wrong? >> >> Enter Jeff Kopp. >> >> Kopp was the executive in charge of production for the studio that >> financed the show. He was the money. He also, it turned out, had no sense >> of humor and had no business being around the world of comedy. I see — >> looking at his IMDB page — that he is now over at James Corden’s show. >> Can’t say I’m surprised. >> >> A day or two after my hook up with the lovely ladies of the NBA, I was >> stationed in the hallway between studio 1 (where Howie taped) and studio 3 >> (where Jay Leno taped... and yes, they still used tape back then). My job >> was basically to check names off a guest list for the Tonight Show. >> Couldn’t be simpler. What could possibly go wrong? >> >> Enter Jeff Kopp. >> >> Kopp emerged from studio 1 and apropos of nothing, asked me who Jay’s >> guests were that night. I don’t recall who specifically, but it was a night >> of big named celebrities. Kopp nodded as I told him... and then it >> happened... I opened my big, fat, gaping hole of a mouth. Couldn’t resist >> it. Couldn’t help myself. Immediately after I’d told him whatever >> supermodel or action film star was on, I added, “... but I’m sure that’s >> only because Francis the cake lady was unavailable.” >> >> “You’re a smart-mouthed little shit,” I was rightly told by Mr. Kopp. >> >> I was not hired on Howie’s show. I don’t know if it was possible to be >> fired when I was never actually hired, but however you want to define it, >> one stupid comment by me derailed my career. I would go on to derail six or >> seven different careers... and I ain’t done yet. >> >> I am sorry for your circumstances and hope they change for the better. I >> spend my working days in the warehouse of a hot print shop making labels >> mostly for manufacturers of sex lube. Workers of the world unite! >> >> On Tue, Aug 14, 2018 at 6:58 PM Doug Eastick <[email protected]> wrote: >> >>> The TIFU means "today I f'd up" >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> TIFU by posting a pic to reddit and destroying my career >>> >>> Obligatory "this happened several months ago." >>> >>> For the past 20 years, basically right out of college, I worked in >>> closed captioning and subtitling. This involves transcribing television >>> programs and movies and timing the transcription to sync to the video. It's >>> a lot of typing and even more watching a bizarrely varied amount of TV and >>> film. >>> >>> I worked for several companies around the country. What started as a >>> "just for now" job grew into a career, I became production director in a >>> few organizations, and I became one of the fastest captioners in the >>> country. When my company in New York City shut down, I found myself in >>> possession of a very expensive piece of captioning software and a fair >>> amount of clients, so I began working freelance. >>> >>> The clients began to dwindle as more and more work started going >>> overseas, but I was working steadily based on one Huge Client that had >>> robust Netflix, HBO, and Hulu contracts, and the rates they paid were >>> ridiculously large. If you ever watched Chicago PD or Ray Donovan with the >>> subtitles turned on, that was me. >>> >>> For the first time in my life, I was able to put money away for >>> retirement, travel to Europe, go out to eat without checking my balance, >>> never worry about the bank account running dry, all while working maybe 4 >>> hours a day out of my bedroom walk-in closet. It was a magnificent few >>> years. >>> >>> One day, I am captioning a Disney Channel cartoon that I had never seen >>> before, and in one scene, a child is hanging his doodles in an art gallery. >>> One of the doodles is of Trogdor the Burninator of Homestar Runner fame. >>> "He lives on!" I think, and then, being a hopeless reddit addict, I post a >>> screenshot to the Homestar sub and forget all about it. >>> >>> Fast forward three months when I get an email from Huge Client >>> investigating a "very serious matter" in which a screenshot of a cartoon >>> had been posted to reddit. Turns out, the cartoon had never aired before. >>> Turns out, Disney was pissed. Turns out, the list of suspects that had >>> access to the video was very short. >>> >>> I took immediate responsibility and profusely apologized, but the damage >>> had been done. I had boneheadedly violated every nondisclosure and employee >>> contract I'd signed with them by posting that single screenshot, and they >>> terminated all future dealings with me, voided the $6,000 in invoices I had >>> outstanding, and stated in very polite terms that I was lucky Disney wasn't >>> suing my pasty white ass. >>> >>> After the fallout settled, I had no steady income. A few commercials and >>> YouTube broadcasts that needed subtitles, but nothing reliable, and NYC >>> rent drains bank accounts quickly. I reached out to every other captioning >>> outfit in the country, but no luck. So, that left me at 40 with a >>> staggeringly narrow and largely obsolete skill set forced to start over >>> from square one. I am currently working for the Postal Service doing >>> blue-collar work in 90-degree heat and mourning the days when watching TV >>> in my jammies till 3 PM was my job. >>> >>> All gone because of a reddit post of a forgettable cartoon that only got >>> a measly 150 updoots. >>> >>> TLDR: I violated the terms of an absurdly kushy job by posting to >>> reddit, and now I deliver packages. >>> >>> >>> https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/97a8in/tifu_by_posting_a_pic_to_reddit_and_destroying_my/ >>> >>> -- >>> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google >>> Groups "TVorNotTV" group. >>> To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send >>> an email to [email protected]. >>> For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout. >> >> >>> -- >> Kevin M. (RPCV) >> >> -- >> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups >> "TVorNotTV" group. >> To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an >> email to [email protected]. >> For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout. >> > -- > You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups > "TVorNotTV" group. > To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an > email to [email protected]. > For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout. > -- Kevin M. (RPCV) -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "TVorNotTV" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.
