Dear Wilma, Sande & List neighbors.
Please don't buy into the delusion that "Mental Illness" or mass murder
are "immigrant" problems.
Feeling safer is not the same as being safer.
We should not hesitate to keep our eyes open, much closer to home.
Like Wilma, I wonder what part, if any, race played in the progression of
killing at Virginia Tech.
I'll share my doubts and fears.
I heard the news with horror, and as facts were delivered, I thought of
"Horror", films in which the black guy and a pretty ingenue are usually
the first casualties. Than I thought about race and "old Virginny" and
wondered if the first on the first crime scene saw a "couple", one that
had crossed racial borders, and assumed a murder-suicide that was
emotionally confirmed by the dark skin of the man.
As a parent, I can not imagine that German and Math and other classes
continued at the Campus on a day when a double murder had just taken
place, especially with the murderer still at-large. And so, I search for
explanations that make it seem possible.
It is easier for me to believe that the school screwed up, than that the
parents didn't try to get their son help.
I do not have the experience of having black skin, but I grew up from
poverty and enjoy the company of black friends and diverse neighbors and
have noticed that behaviors towards me and expectations of me do seem to
change in some reaction to the people I am with. As a result, I tend to
examine choices through lenses that highlight class, race and gender. I
try to filter out the facts, or mentally role play the scenario
substituting different types, to estimate if the result would be the
same.
I have had the experience of being raised with a two (of twelve) siblings
who I consider mentally ill.
Both were incapable of seeing their own illness.
Both were resistant to the therapies (including medicine or self
analysis) that might have helped them.
One I consider "evil". Maybe because he was male, older, stronger and
because the victims of his rage (frustrations, confusions?) were myself
and family members who I loved. Age and illness have made him more
benign, and me more forgiving, but... I do not forget, and I do not take
chances with myself or my children.
The other I mourn, sometimes inconsolably. She was two years younger,
delicate and beloved by all her siblings. Her illness was simultaneously
chronic and random and perceived as a tragedy. Ironically, she may have
done more damage than my angry brother.
Manifestation of her mental illness included:
rampant, insatiably needy sexuality and
fire starting.
>From the sex, she contracted AIDS. And she continued to have sex, lots
of it; with many partners; sometimes many in one day.
The system fought diligently to save her from her "physical" disease and
from suicide attempts and incidents of physical violence but could not be
enlisted as a Chastity belt for the protection of those who would have
sex with her. There was almost an attitude of "she is not competent to
consent, therefore anyone who has sex with her is a rapist, therefore
they deserve what they get", and no matter what we did, there was no
sense that maybe:
Some of the man were also mentally ill
Maggie had healthy looking days
The "rapist" might have an innocent partner or seed a child that
did not "deserve" the disease.
No matter how much we (our family) loved Maggie and no matter what was
spent or done or attempted or desired, we could not make her well and we
could not find or buy services that could. But believe me, we tried.
And often heard criticisms from people who can not imagine how hard we
tried.
And I am left, to wonder, how much did Maggie suffer and how many people
did she harm, because we, our family and our society, did not have the
ability or will to humanely contain her.
I could talk for days about trying to get her help.
Incidents (like setting a fire in an occupied apartment building at 4 AM)
that I was certain would be grounds for commitment were dismissed.
Different siblings, with different styles and talents all worked
(sometimes separately, sometimes together) toward her safe containment.
Intellectually I know that Maggie was harmed, by action and neglect,
with and without intent and almost daily.
Emotionally, I can not bear to contemplate the full extant of her
suffering.
But I also wonder how much death and suffering resulted from her sex acts
and how many other families suffered as we did.
I can remember sitting in a court room, trying to arrange a commitment
for Maggie.
Many cases would be heard in the same session.
Some of the mentally ill had terrifying appearances.
Maggie often looked like a fragile angel.
But, she was often the one who arrived in full restraints.
Orderlies fed up with her biting, spitting and flailing would drag her
into court in shackles and a muzzle.
The pros were terrified of her rages and unpredictable behaviors.
But the judge(s) would see past the chains to the frail, white, female
and would "release" her.
I mourn for the lives cut short at Virginia Tech.
I feel sorrow for the families of killer and victims and for the loss to
us all.
But, I can not blame the family of the killer, or any single person or a
computer game as the catalyst for these murders.
There seems to have been a perfect storm of events and opportunities that
permitted this tragedy.
It may be that frustrated hopes for greater racial harmony (I'm still
hoping and working toward that end) and / or
agonizing over a family situation that found no happy resolution has left
me incapable of clear vision.
But I see a broken system that seems prepared to warehouse homeless
families and force the unsustainable burdens of mental illness upon its
victims and their families.
I do not have the strength to volunteer in these areas (yet?).
I applaud those who do volunteer.
I am grateful for the people who work, with good heart, often in low paid
jobs, to bring comforts and stability to victims in group homes and
mental health wards.
And I hope we, as individuals in a larger society, find ways to open our
eyes and delegate our desires (through voting and spending).
I'll probably be sorry I pressed send, but I hope my words encourage
those with the skills to do research, create medicines and test therapies
to strive to do no harm, while doing good (and hopefully well). I hope
that care givers find rewards in their acts of compassion and care. I
pray that caring for a loved one with mental illness does not overwhelm
healthy members of families or cause the disease to jump to younger, more
vulnerable generations.
It is late, good night.
Sleep well and in safety (both real and perceived).
All the best!
Liz
On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 22:00:33 -0400 "SKnight" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
writes:
Wilma,
Your post points out a very frustrating problem for us native born
Americans. That is the lip service paid to diversity prevents us from
being able to treat so many, if not all, of these problems among our
immigrant population, children in particular, because of the refusal of
the parents. We completely forget what a testing ground our country is
for so many different ethnic groups. These situations don't even exist
in most of the world because of the innate homogeneity of the
populations. In that sense, it is truly exciting. But oh so
frustrating.
sk
----- Original Message -----
From: Wilma de Soto
To: UnivCity listserv
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2007 7:28 PM
Subject: [UC] VA Tech and "The Untold Story"
Dear Neighbors,
As a Teacher of English As a Second Language, I have seen many children
from
overseas from MANY different countries and cultures, who surely would
have
been ostracized in their countries' traditional and very old societies.
Their parents brought them to the US and foisted their kids upon our
School
Systems and resources using statutes created from Affirmative Action Laws
rather than acknowledge their child may have a serious problem.
It is a cultural taboo especially among the most educated and
conscientious
parents and more so if the children are boys.
Still, we taught those children with all due care and respect and tried
to
get their parents to get them help that we would pay for to no avail.
These are not just Asian students, but Arab, Pakistani, Albanian etc.
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/20070422_Asians_often_reticent
_ab
out_seeking_mental_care.html
I sent this link from the Sunday Inquirer not because the VA shooter was
Asian but to the contrary, the parents who are NOT Asian raised the
biggest
stink.
Some parents have even sued the School District of Philadelphia to demand
services for their children that would not be available to them in their
countries.
That is not to say that most American parents would not deny the same
about
their children, but American parents would at least blame everyone else
for
their problems and then eventually seek help.
I just wonder
