On the other hand, placing more value on the individual or a single family
rather than on the community is quintessentially American behavior. I'm no
teacher, but the story can illustrate assimilation just as much as cultural
differences.
And BTW, why did the media initially describe the shooter simply as an Asian
student? As he was otherwise not described for purposes of identification and
indeed may already not have been at large, his race was wholly irrelevant.
By the next day, I think, the description changed to "resident alien" from
Korea, which was perhaps more dubious. It may be harsh to question the attempts
to dig up every scrap of info on the shooter, but aside from suggesting that
his being an immigrant or not having naturalized was newsworthy, it was bizarre
to use that term rather than the more conventional lawful permanent resident
(legal term) or green card holder (popular term). I'd hate to think how he'd
have been labeled if he was out of status.
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]; [email protected]
Sent: Wed, 25 Apr 2007 7:45 AM
Subject: Re: [UC] VA Tech and "The Untold Story"
Dear Liz,
My heart goes out to with regard to Maggie. I also know what it’s like to lose
a sister.
I didn’t mean to imply that mental illness etc. is an immigrant problem. I was
pointing out the cultural differences in how people process it and deal with it.
Many of the cultures people come from are repressive and harsh toward those
who are ‘different’. Most parents do not want others to point out the faults of
their children. That’s natural even though I feel it’s unfair to ask for help
but not for input or advise.
I personally know of a case where an immigrant parent form North Africa was
suing the School District because he wanted his very violent son who had a
congenital affliction mainstreamed into classrooms no matter how much he
disturbed others’ education.
In his home country, his kid would NOT have been allowed into a regular school
environment and he knew it. He was bellicose and arrogant about his son’s
rights, even after a teacher was hurt.
He did not want to accept the fact that his only son was not like other normal
children.
I could be wrong but I feel it a bit unfair to emigrate in order to perpetuate
this situation and not get counselling for the child. He blamed all the
teachers, everyone, not himself or his child.
Last year, I had another student who fits the profile of the VA Tech killer to
a turn. It could be just a matter of time for him and that scares me.
On 4/25/07 1:02 AM, "Elizabeth F Campion" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Dear Wilma, Sande & List neighbors.
Please don't buy into the delusion that "Mental Illness" or mass murder are
"immigrant" problems.
Feeling safer is not the same as being safer.
We should not hesitate to keep our eyes open, much closer to home.
Like Wilma, I wonder what part, if any, race played in the progression of
killing at Virginia Tech.
I'll share my doubts and fears.
I heard the news with horror, and as facts were delivered, I thought of
"Horror", films in which the black guy and a pretty ingenue are usually the
first casualties. Than I thought about race and "old Virginny" and wondered if
the first on the first crime scene saw a "couple", one that had crossed racial
borders, and assumed a murder-suicide that was emotionally confirmed by the
dark skin of the man.
As a parent, I can not imagine that German and Math and other classes
continued at the Campus on a day when a double murder had just taken place,
especially with the murderer still at-large. And so, I search for explanations
that make it seem possible.
It is easier for me to believe that the school screwed up, than that the
parents didn't try to get their son help.
I do not have the experience of having black skin, but I grew up from poverty
and enjoy the company of black friends and diverse neighbors and have noticed
that behaviors towards me and expectations of me do seem to change in some
reaction to the people I am with. As a result, I tend to examine choices
through lenses that highlight class, race and gender. I try to filter out the
facts, or mentally role play the scenario substituting different types, to
estimate if the result would be the same.
I have had the experience of being raised with a two (of twelve) siblings who
I consider mentally ill.
Both were incapable of seeing their own illness.
Both were resistant to the therapies (including medicine or self analysis)
that might have helped them.
One I consider "evil". Maybe because he was male, older, stronger and because
the victims of his rage (frustrations, confusions?) were myself and family
members who I loved. Age and illness have made him more benign, and me more
forgiving, but... I do not forget, and I do not take chances with myself or my
children.
The other I mourn, sometimes inconsolably. She was two years younger, delicate
and beloved by all her siblings. Her illness was simultaneously chronic and
random and perceived as a tragedy. Ironically, she may have done more damage
than my angry brother.
Manifestation of her mental illness included:
rampant, insatiably needy sexuality and
fire starting.
From the sex, she contracted AIDS. And she continued to have sex, lots of it;
with many partners; sometimes many in one day.
The system fought diligently to save her from her "physical" disease and from
suicide attempts and incidents of physical violence but could not be enlisted
as a Chastity belt for the protection of those who would have sex with her.
There was almost an attitude of "she is not competent to consent, therefore
anyone who has sex with her is a rapist, therefore they deserve what they get",
and no matter what we did, there was no sense that maybe:
Some of the man were also mentally ill
Maggie had healthy looking days
The "rapist" might have an innocent partner or seed a child that did not
"deserve" the disease.
No matter how much we (our family) loved Maggie and no matter what was spent
or done or attempted or desired, we could not make her well and we could not
find or buy services that could. But believe me, we tried. And often heard
criticisms from people who can not imagine how hard we tried.
And I am left, to wonder, how much did Maggie suffer and how many people did
she harm, because we, our family and our society, did not have the ability or
will to humanely contain her.
I could talk for days about trying to get her help.
Incidents (like setting a fire in an occupied apartment building at 4 AM) that
I was certain would be grounds for commitment were dismissed.
Different siblings, with different styles and talents all worked (sometimes
separately, sometimes together) toward her safe containment.
Intellectually I know that Maggie was harmed, by action and neglect, with and
without intent and almost daily.
Emotionally, I can not bear to contemplate the full extant of her suffering.
But I also wonder how much death and suffering resulted from her sex acts and
how many other families suffered as we did.
I can remember sitting in a court room, trying to arrange a commitment for
Maggie.
Many cases would be heard in the same session.
Some of the mentally ill had terrifying appearances.
Maggie often looked like a fragile angel.
But, she was often the one who arrived in full restraints.
Orderlies fed up with her biting, spitting and flailing would drag her into
court in shackles and a muzzle.
The pros were terrified of her rages and unpredictable behaviors.
But the judge(s) would see past the chains to the frail, white, female and
would "release" her.
I mourn for the lives cut short at Virginia Tech.
I feel sorrow for the families of killer and victims and for the loss to us
all.
But, I can not blame the family of the killer, or any single person or a
computer game as the catalyst for these murders.
There seems to have been a perfect storm of events and opportunities that
permitted this tragedy.
It may be that frustrated hopes for greater racial harmony (I'm still hoping
and working toward that end) and / or
agonizing over a family situation that found no happy resolution has left me
incapable of clear vision.
But I see a broken system that seems prepared to warehouse homeless families
and force the unsustainable burdens of mental illness upon its victims and
their families.
I do not have the strength to volunteer in these areas (yet?).
I applaud those who do volunteer.
I am grateful for the people who work, with good heart, often in low paid
jobs, to bring comforts and stability to victims in group homes and mental
health wards.
And I hope we, as individuals in a larger society, find ways to open our eyes
and delegate our desires (through voting and spending).
I'll probably be sorry I pressed send, but I hope my words encourage those
with the skills to do research, create medicines and test therapies to strive
to do no harm, while doing good (and hopefully well). I hope that care givers
find rewards in their acts of compassion and care. I pray that caring for a
loved one with mental illness does not overwhelm healthy members of families or
cause the disease to jump to younger, more vulnerable generations.
It is late, good night.
Sleep well and in safety (both real and perceived).
All the best!
Liz
On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 22:00:33 -0400 "SKnight" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes:
Wilma,
Your post points out a very frustrating problem for us native born Americans.
That is the lip service paid to diversity prevents us from being able to treat
so many, if not all, of these problems among our immigrant population, children
in particular, because of the refusal of the parents. We completely forget what
a testing ground our country is for so many different ethnic groups. These
situations don't even exist in most of the world because of the innate
homogeneity of the populations. In that sense, it is truly exciting. But oh so
frustrating.
sk
----- Original Message -----
From: Wilma de Soto <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: UnivCity listserv <mailto:[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2007 7:28 PM
Subject: [UC] VA Tech and "The Untold Story"
Dear Neighbors,
As a Teacher of English As a Second Language, I have seen many children from
overseas from MANY different countries and cultures, who surely would have
been ostracized in their countries' traditional and very old societies.
Their parents brought them to the US and foisted their kids upon our School
Systems and resources using statutes created from Affirmative Action Laws
rather than acknowledge their child may have a serious problem.
It is a cultural taboo especially among the most educated and conscientious
parents and more so if the children are boys.
Still, we taught those children with all due care and respect and tried to
get their parents to get them help that we would pay for to no avail.
These are not just Asian students, but Arab, Pakistani, Albanian etc.
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/20070422_Asians_often_reticent_ab
out_seeking_mental_care.html
I sent this link from the Sunday Inquirer not because the VA shooter was
Asian but to the contrary, the parents who are NOT Asian raised the biggest
stink.
Some parents have even sued the School District of Philadelphia to demand
services for their children that would not be available to them in their
countries.
That is not to say that most American parents would not deny the same about
their children, but American parents would at least blame everyone else for
their problems and then eventually seek help.
I just wonder
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