life is hard for many people..........and you don't have to be gay to figure 
that out.
 
But on the other hand if he sees his former life as a sin, then he probably is 
better off in church.

--- On Wed, 5/6/09, Bill aka LeFantome <[email protected]> wrote:

From: Bill aka LeFantome <[email protected]>
Subject: {Dawgs/Dittos} Gay life is not all it's cracked out to be for some
To: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday, May 6, 2009, 9:36 PM



This was a friend of mine. I had no idea he was gay. One of my popular gifs 
came from him....in early days of webtv. I will leave out names.
Bill,

This is a bit long... grab a cup of coffee or glass of tea...
How nice of you to write, NO, I pulled it down when my Webmaster moved to 
Arizona and I chose to retire at the ripe age of 60. I just had no more 
students that required any teaching. Most have graduated on upwards are now are 
teaching for our organization themselves in Arizona, Minnesota, Sequim , 
Washington. It was a hard choice but once I hit the big 60 and my EX 
Roommmate/Lover Etc... beat the heck out of me and left, I had to make choices 
that were to MY benefit I turned from the Gay Life completely and went back to 
the Church (United Methodist) and am moving on the 20th (at present) to a place 
literally around the corner. It is a Deluxe Studio on the ground floor with a 
balcony facing a main street and still near the Library and Park (which are 
across the street... my Birds will love it!) It is a downstairs Apt. and the 
rental is much less. As a Vet I only received $985.00 monthly and the rental 
here in this two bedroom, 2 bath was $885.00. I tried
 for months to get a roommate and then suddenly my Ex just disappeared to 
Florida. My Doctor wanted to call the police and have an APB placed on him and 
have him returned to stand charges of Assault & Battery but I said NO.. there 
is no physical evidence so it would amount to he said, he said. 

I am better off for this move-although I am exhausted doing all the packing 
myself. All of my "So called Friends that swore if he ever left they would be 
at my side-never called or showed their faces or emailed in the last five 
month's of my struggles. I did have what you may call, "Hysterical Anxiety 
Episodes". These were brought on first in 2002 when Dad passed and continued 
until just recently. The Psych Dr. at VA and my Medical Dr. at Va feel it was 
my Ex-"it" as I will refer to him that caused these spells. It started in a 
bar.. when I wanted to leave after four hours there and since I do not drink, 
smoke or do drugs or have sex-We were Celibate!-I felt I had been there long 
enough. This was the weekend after I returned from my Father's Funeral in Reno 
where I went myself. I dropped to the ground and began flailing my arms and 
legs and screaming at the top of my voice to help me. That;s when HE decided 
that he was going to leave.

Then, I had all types of tests: MRI's/EEG's-3 of them/ Thyroid Scans, Blood 
works up the Gump stumps and tests to see if it was mental or not. It wasn't. 
They even did a Bone Marrow and Lumbar Puncture to check ck for lack of 
serotonin At any rate Bill, this went on with these "seizures, episodes, spells 
what ever you choose to call them. I was placed on Cloneazapam only a mild ..05 
Miligrams 3 times a day and Depekote for the actual seizures in the evenings 
being a 24 hour time-released pill in addition to my other HIV+ medications and 
Blood Sugar meds.

The final crush came after I had those surgeries: the remove the "Buffalo Hump" 
off my neck in Oct. 2007 and then in February 2008 had Liposuction down under 
the chin to remove fatty cells and then above the groin the "hump" was growing 
there. I could not see to urinate properly. I missed the toilet and had trouble 
sitting down. That too, was cut out and I recuperated. Then on October 23d, Mom 
passed away. I couldn't;t fly-both Dr's felt that me flying by myself would be 
like the episode of the Simpson's when Marge had a fear of flying and kept 
saying, "let me Off... Let Me Off". After the funeral Mom was shipped funeral 
van to North Hollywood Pierce Brother's Valhalla Memorial Cemetery and lowered 
on top of my father five days later. I couldn't;t go there-"It" wouldn't drive 
me to the cemetery. (he lost 9 members of his immediate family all at once in a 
fire when he was 19 and couldn't;t stand funerals after that). That evening the 
next door neighbor
 passed away right in my arms actually from lung cancer. He cleaned her up as 
Oncology was his medical specialty. I received boxes of her items I requested 
and they were broken almost 90% in each box after paying over $60.00 to get 
them here. We went that holiday to get another Angel for the top of the tree.. 
walked all over Wal-Mart. When we returned home, I was tired, exhausted and my 
legs went into spasms and cramped. Trying to get up and get my pills for it, I 
stumbled and HE smacked me and beat me in the face so hard he cracked a tooth 
that had a filling and a cavity beside it. He chose then to leave. To finalize 
the story... he left while I was at VA having my check-ups. I was transported 
by Medical Van with 10 others and we were there from 7:30am until 5:45pm. I 
retuned home to a darkened house except for the birds small TV I left on Turner 
Classic Movies. I never noticed anything much,. The Sunday before he went to 
the Bar to watch the Chargers
 play. Returned home midnight. Got up, cooked a few meals ahead and left. I 
never saw him again... he never came home that night. Next morning I got a call 
at am from a potential roommate who was on a 3 hour layover at our airport. He 
was going to Chicago to be in a wedding. I asked him to come by and went to 
make coffee. On the coffee maker was an envelope that read, "I'm Off To 
Florida". "Good Luck"  "Here are The Keys".

All in all he hit and or beat me four times within the last five years we were 
together. He told the guys at the bar -only one time! HA! The strange thing was 
the night before my Birthday 11-29 he took me to the bar and I had my once 
every ten years 1/2 shot of Bailey's on the rocks and nursed it. Got a couple 
card-no gifts. Then, he beats the HELL out of me and bruises both my upper 
cheeks and forehead and cracks my tooth and then tosses me an ice-bag from the 
freezer and said hold it . And leaves.

This is the main reason I stopped teaching,. Since he taped the Video Lessons 
for me while I demonstrated and answered their questions -he was gone. No one 
to help. Plus I looked like HELL and I do not mind saying that-I did. I went 
from 199.9 down to 177.5 for the first surgery of the Hump and then down to 165 
for the second series. I went after he left and I was 161.5 and the last time 
-four month's after he had gone and all the stress of not finding a roommate 
who wasn't;t an Alcoholic or had warrants or was doing drugs-NONE OF WHICH I 
STOOD AND STAND FOR, I went down to 146.5. My Dr.-She said that's low enough 
Richard. You can build up the weight and play around with 10 lbs either way BUT 
that's it.

I have only one friend here who knew the rotten #$$^^&%...@#@ that left (Sorry 
Lord!), and he's been my best friend. He's 65 and to my family who are in 
Maryland-Bea, my sister is 10 years younger; No. Carolina Bonnie, my sister who 
is 12 years my Junior and then my Brother Joe who lives in Reno, Nevada and is 
14 years my junior all think Carl is the Patriarch now for assisting me.

He allowed me to do the packing and provides me with council and will arrange 
for the movers. I don't know where the money is coming from as I don't have 
much. I need movers to move as with being HIV+ and in Good Health, my back is 
not all that swift. I am in a test group at VA for Osteoporosis and all I have 
left after Blood tests, X-Rays and consultations with Psych and Medical Dr's, 
is the Bowel and Colon and Urine Check which will be accomplished by July 
16th,2009.

NOW... you can see why I no longer have my website up and running. It hurt to 
pull it down but I couldn't concentrate out of fear that I would set him off. 
He always warned me that if If had another episode he would leave or WORSE and 
this became a phobia I had to overcome. 

Lastly Bill, I have come out and emerged a good Solid Christian Man -away from 
the evils of the Gay World. I believe in let them live their own life but keep 
it from me as I have no time for it. My four Cockatiels are my life. If you'd 
like, I can send their pictures to you to see. The first one we had when I 
built the website and met you on line with H. Kelley and the guys from "Gifts 
To Go"...  feel off the sin, broke her wing and it was pinned. she rode over to 
this location on "it's" shoulder on his bicycle. She passed away 2004, 2 years 
after my Dad. Boy were they inseparable! I now have four: Three of them are 
from the same Clutch (family) and they are "White-Faced-Cinnamon-Peral-Pieds". 
Kind of white with Cinnamon sprinkled. I have two females and a male. The first 
bird who died was called, "Girlfriend" and she is buried in the back yard.. I 
will miss her when I leave this month. The second one I called, "Casey" and 
then we went to the Pet Store
 to get a water cup for her outdoor cage-the inside cage is 4 1/2 feet square 
and 5 1/2 Feet Tall. I can stand inside! The male I called, "Boyfriend" and he 
has streaks of Grey down his back. The last girl was "Lacey". Then, a friend 
called from the Bar and said a Cockatiel flew in between Ace-True Value   
Lumber's Fence and the Bar and it was greenish brown with orange cheeks (like 
Girlfriend had!) and yellow crop. He nursed it a few days and then we went and 
picked it up. I do not have the DNA on It/Him/Her yet. I suspect a male but 
someone laid an eggs the other day and it wasn't one of the other two girls as 
they were inspecting it. It hadn't been fertilized
yet. Anyway, I called him "Lucky" and the pics of him are in the cage and on my 
finger. The four are my life-my family and what keeps me sane through out this 
whole ordeal.

It's hard to go from a basically 1 bedroom and bath and living room and kitchen 
and yard to a studio! You get rid of lots. I have and probably will call the 
Aids Assistance Thrift Store here to come get the rest to sell in their shop 
they call, "Revivals".

Well, now you know the whole story Bill, I tried to spare you the details and 
when I'd write to the family and a few close friends I would click your address 
and then,m go back and take it off. Guess I felt you wouldn't be interested in 
my troubles. After all we make our own beds and must lay within them on our own.

I hope you'll keep in touch with me. You were such an inspiration when you 
assisted me in setting up the HTML that I did and took to my webmaster to 
finalize into my site. What pleased me the most was... I did it MY way and I 
did a great job. I had over 40 students around the world and USA and not 
counting those locally!

Take care Bill, God Bless You,


SEAT AL FRANKEN!



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