hermespal <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Actually, that's a pretty fair approximation full stop. Thanks. I
take it you've experienced this particular hell?
Would love to check out the link, but unfortunately my parents'
computer is on dial up and does not handle movies well. Will come
back to it when I'm on the high speed with the laptop later in the
week, if I manage to escape the house and get down to the library.
--- In [email protected], Eleanor Keyser
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> Sigh. I, too, have no life. I've been meaning to second (and now
third and fourth) the supportive shout out, and I do so now: I'm
sending out psychic sympathy rays. Do you feel better? No? Okay,
well then, here's this link:
>
> http://tinyurl.com/7njwc
>
> Click "Watch Movie" and turn the subtitles on. I must warn you,
though, this song will get stuck in your head, terminally.
>
> Also, hospitals suck. No, I mean it--they really, really suck. It
seems almost barbaric as the loved one of a seriously ill person to
sit endlessly and uselessly as people who could help muddle their way
through what is to them just another day at a job they're tired of.
It's a ruthless alternative universe that seems both completely
shocking and infinite, like you've been doing this and will keep
doing this all your life. Yet you know intellectually that it's
inevitably going to stop, and then quite abruptly. There's no
insulation, and there's no time to process what's happening. You're
just thrust into a new monotonous routine, surrounded by pain,
sickness, and death. You can't give your good health to someone
else, and your friends can't give their good spirits to you. And
it's especially perverse that the world keeps spinning anyway.
Worst, you know it has to be this way, and you want so much to get
back into orbit, but it's not that simple. It feels like a
> part of your soul is always going to be anchored in this moment,
and hereafter you're always going to be a little less free, a little
more tethered down. You can't let it go, but you want to, but you
feel like you shouldn't. I mean, where does the horror go? The pain
and grief are so tangible they can't just evaporate, right? People
memorialize death, but they don't memorialize dying. You'll go stark
raving mad if it doesn't stop, but you'll be completely lost when it
does. You feel everything and nothing. You're bouncing from
reassuring optimist to steeled pragmatist every thirty seconds. You
love dearly and hate dearly everyone around you. It's rather like
being a teenager again. Also, hospital soap really smells. It's
truly nauseous stuff.
>
> Okay, so that's like, a fair (and rambling) approximation of about
a tenth of what you're feeling now, right? And you kind of want me
to piss off (because I don't really understand) but you want to
appreciate that I've tried? Kinda sorta? Fair enough. Wish I could
say something wonderful, but I can't. I'm really, truly sorry. You
do know how lucky your family is to have you, I hope. It will end,
and it will get better, and you will be different afterward. Life
sucks, but at least James will always be here with a well-placed
snarky comment, so there is that.
>
> Also, popsicles help.
>
> hermespal <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: Look, I know it's the weekend
and most of you actually have lives,
> but you're really letting me down fellow weingarten chatters.
Where
> is the humor? The interesting links to something bizarre or laugh-
> worthy? (okay, the cow stuff was great, but it was yesterday!)
>
> Okay, I hereby withdraw the guilt trip. Sort of. I mean, if I was
> REALLY going to withdraw it I wouldn't post this, would I?
>
> One of your bretheren, or is it sisteren? is going stir crazy in a
> small town tonight. Missing a HUGE birthday bash for a dear friend
> aka SO's business partner back home (my home, anyway). Feeling a
bit
> blue. If I'd thought of it, I would have sent (er, I mean asked
very
> kindly if he would consent) Areo in my stead (which would have
been
> truly interesting vis a vis the SO, but what is life without a
little
> mystery?).
>
> Allrighty then. I feel better just spilling that out. Sorry to
> impose, but thanks for reading. Hope you had a great weekend!
>
> (moving away from the computer now) mumble, mumble, grumble,
sniff...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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