Ellen <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
where did you get this from? I personally was never instructed to use
toilet seat covers and/or hover, so I haven't had the extent of this
experience, although lack of hook, lack of door lock, and lack of
toilet paper, as well as automatic flushers and automatic sinks are
constant irritations. I always thought the toilet seat cover business
was ridiculous--I don't think the part of your body that is actually
in contact with the toilet seat is the part with the germs.
--- In [email protected], Diane Lochner
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Peeing !
> Women's Trip to the Restroom
> Is this true? I think it's just a cover up for why u all take so
long! New & Revised 6 P's:
> My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms. When I was a little
> girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper
and
> wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to
cover
> the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public
toilet
> seat.
> Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over
> the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your
> flesh make contact with the toilet seat.
> By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd have to go home to
> change my clothes. That was a long time ago. Even now, in my more
> "mature years, The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to
> maintain, especially when one's bladder is full.
> When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
> women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Nelly's
> underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other
> ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely.
> You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is
> occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down
> the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't
latch. It
> doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new fangled "seat covers"
> (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would
> hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't
- so
> you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck (Mom would turn
over
> in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and
> assume "The Stance."
> Ahhhh, relief. More relief. But then your thighs begin to shake. You'd
> love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat
> or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance" as your thighs
> experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter
scale. To
> take your mind off of your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
> discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can
> hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you would have tried to
> clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your
> thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose
> on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse. That would have to
do.
> You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than
> your thumbnail.
> Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.
The
> door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of
your
> chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the
> toilet.
> "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
> precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly
> onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up, knowing all too well that
> it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable
> germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down
> toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to
> try.
> You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew,
> because you're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public
> toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of
> diseases you could get."
> By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
> confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a
> fountain that suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you
> grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to
> China. At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the splashing
water.
> You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your
> pocket, and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't
> figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so
you
> wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line
of
> women, still waiting, cross-legged and, at this point, no longer
able to
> smile politely.
> One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are
> trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the
Mississippi
> River! (Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from
your
> shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just
> might need this."
> As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and
exited
> the men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for
> you. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse
> hanging around your neck?"
> This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a
> public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally
> explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers
> their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom
> in pairs. It's so the other woman can hold the door, hold your purse
and
> hand you Kleenex under the door.
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messenger�s low PC-to-Phone
call rates.
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and
30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.
>
Be a chatter box. Enjoy free PC-to-PC calls with Yahoo! Messenger with Voice.
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
- Visit your group "weingartenchatters" on the web.
- To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
- Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
