While browsing the web for new trends of human-horse communication & horse management, I found the website of Marjorie Smith, and I've been deeply influenced by her; her thoughts about links between man-to-man and man-to-horse communication - really an example of advantages of NVC - were extremely interesting and inspiring.
I don't know why she removed her website from the web, but I saved a copy of it into my own website, with an Italian translation (with Marjorie permission) but - luckily - with original English front-text. You can find it here: http://www.alexbrollo.com/people-for-peace/ If yoi like horses and peace, it's a very interesting text. It points attention on fear, and to how fighting against fear is important for NVC. Alex 2014-02-18 4:33 GMT+01:00 Isarra Yos <zhoris...@gmail.com>: > If you're pissed, that's when you use something like NVC, except taking it > even further, perhaps. Put other people on edge too, but then if they do > anything about it, weeeell... > > I think this may be the standard approach on a lot of discussion boards on > enwp. > > > On 18/02/14 03:26, Adam Wight wrote: > >> Interesting... >> >> I have very little authority to stand on, but in my exposure to so-called >> NVC, it seems more appropriate for diplomatic negotiations than for any >> real-life human situation. IMO this approach boils down to getting your >> way without looking like a dick. Creeps me out. >> >> That said, yes it's important to always deal generously with others. >> Unless you're pissed :p >> >> love, >> Adam >> >> >> On Mon, Feb 17, 2014 at 3:14 PM, Derk-Jan Hartman < >> d.j.hartman+wmf...@gmail.com> wrote: >> >> On 17 feb. 2014, at 21:45, Monte Hurd <mh...@wikimedia.org> wrote: >>> >>> +1 >>>> >>>> When I read certain threads on this list, I feel like the "assume good >>>> >>> faith" principle is often forgotten. >>> >>>> Because this behavior makes me not want to participate in discussions >>>> >>> about issues I actually care about, I wonder how many other voices, like >>> mine, aren't heard, and to what degree this undermines any eventual >>> perceived consensus? >>> >>>> To be sure, if you don't assume good faith, your opinion still matters, >>>> >>> but you unnecessarily weaken both your argument and the discussion. >>> >>> +many >>> >>> Yes on this list we have some strong opinions and we aren't always >>> particularly careful about how we express them, but assume good faith[1] >>> does indeed go a long way and that should be the default mode for >>> reading. >>> The default mode for writing should of course be "don't be a dick" [2]. >>> >>> We have to remember that although many people are well versed in English >>> here, it is often not their mother tongue, making it more difficult to >>> understand the subtleties of the opinions of others and/or to express >>> theirs, which might lead to frustration for both sides. And some people >>> are >>> simply terse where others are blunt and some people have more time than >>> others to create replies or to wait for someones attempts to explain >>> something properly. >>> Being inclusive for this reason is usually regarded as a good thing and >>> is >>> thus a natural part of assume good faith. It is why 'civility' often is >>> so >>> difficult too map directly to community standards, because it is too >>> tightly coupled with ones own norms, values and skills to be inclusive. >>> >>> I'm personally good with almost anything that keeps a good distance from >>> both Linus Torvalds-style and NVC. We shouldn't be afraid to point out >>> errors or have hefty discussions and we need to keep it inside the lines >>> where people will want to participate. But this is no kindergarten either >>> and some of the more abrasive postings have made a positive difference. >>> It's difficult to strike the right balance but it's good to ask people >>> once >>> in a while to pay attention to how we communicate. >>> >>> DJ >>> >>> [1] https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Assume_good_faith >>> [2] https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_be_a_dick >>> >>> PS. >>> >>> Because this behavior makes me not want to participate in discussions >>>> >>> about issues I actually care about, I wonder how many other voices, like >>> mine, aren't heard, and to what degree this undermines any eventual >>> perceived consensus? >>> >>> If that's what you think of wikitech-l, I assume it is easy to guess what >>> you think about the talk page of Jimmy Wales, en.wp's Request for >>> adminship >>> and en.wp's Administrator noticeboard ? :) >>> >>> PPS. >>> I'm quite sure Linus would burn NVC to the ground if he had the chance :) >>> For those who haven't followed it and who have a bit of time on their >>> hands: There was a very 'interesting' flamewar about being more >>> professional in communication on the Linux kernel mailinglist last July. >>> >>> http://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2013/ >>> 07/linus-torvalds-defends-his-right-to-shame-linux-kernel-developers/ >>> If you distance yourself a bit and just read everything, you'll find that >>> there is some basic truth to both sides of the spectrum and it basically >>> once again sums up to: we often forget how potty trained we are, even >>> more >>> so that there are different styles of potty around the world and whether >>> or >>> not a human/animal actually needs training to go potty to begin with. >>> That >>> doesn't give an answer, but it's an interesting/lively discussion every >>> single time :D >>> Slightly related fun: >>> https://twitter.com/wyshynski/statuses/430734034113536000 >>> >>> >>> On Feb 17, 2014, at 11:45 AM, "Derric Atzrott" < >>>>> >>>> datzr...@alizeepathology.com> wrote: >>> >>>> Hoy all, >>>>> >>>>> I've been meaning to start a thread about this for a while, but just >>>>> >>>> hadn't >>> >>>> gotten around to it. Things have been rather heated the past few days, >>>>> >>>> so I >>> >>>> figured now would be as good a time as any to go about starting this >>>>> >>>> thread. >>> >>>> Have any of you ever heard of Non-Violent Communication (NVC). It's a >>>>> >>>> method of >>> >>>> communicating, well really more a method of thinking, that aims to >>>>> >>>> reduce and >>> >>>> resolve conflicts between people. NVC has sometimes also been called >>>>> >>>> Empathetic >>> >>>> Communication or Needs Based Communication. The idea of NVC is to >>>>> >>>> frame the >>> >>>> discussion in terms of needs and feelings, followed up by requests. >>>>> >>>> "Nonviolent >>> >>>> Communication holds that most conflicts between individuals or groups >>>>> >>>> arise from >>> >>>> miscommunication about their human needs, due to coercive or >>>>> >>>> manipulative >>> >>>> language that aims to induce fear, guilt, shame, etc. These 'violent' >>>>> >>>> modes of >>> >>>> communication, when used during a conflict, divert the attention of the >>>>> participants away from clarifying their needs, their feelings, their >>>>> perceptions, and their requests, thus perpetuating the conflict." [0] >>>>> >>>>> The core of NVC is an NVC expression, which is made up of four >>>>> >>>> components: >>> >>>> Observations ("When I see/hear/notice..."), Feelings ("...I feel..."), >>>>> >>>> Needs >>> >>>> ("...because I need/value..."), and Requests ("Would you be willing >>>>> >>>> to...?"). >>> >>>> Observations are the facts themselves, and are not broad >>>>> >>>> generalizations. >>> >>>> Feelings are emotions, they are distinct from stories, thoughts, and >>>>> evaluations. Feelings are also self-owned and not attributed to others >>>>> >>>> (so one >>> >>>> doesn't feel attacked, one feels angry, likewise one doesn't feel >>>>> >>>> betrayed, one >>> >>>> feels hurt or stunned, or perhaps even outraged). Finally requests are >>>>> >>>> simply >>> >>>> that requests, but they are not demands. You have to be willing to >>>>> >>>> hear the >>> >>>> other person say no. >>>>> >>>>> To take a recent example from the mailing list: >>>>> "Cool, I'll just pop in. Oh, wait." (David, I want you to know I am not >>>>> >>>> picking >>> >>>> a quote from you specifically for any reason, it was just one that >>>>> >>>> stood out to >>> >>>> me as something that could have been much better expressed within the >>>>> >>>> NVC >>> >>>> framework) >>>>> >>>>> This could have been expressed as: >>>>> When people talk about things off-list, I feel resentful and frustrated >>>>> >>>> because >>> >>>> my needs for community, consideration, and to be heard are not being >>>>> >>>> met. Would >>> >>>> you be willing to keep the discussion on-list so that I can participate? >>>>> >>>>> NVC values honestly expressing your own needs and feeling and >>>>> >>>> empathetically >>> >>>> listening to those of others. Two things that really harm this >>>>> >>>> connection are >>> >>>> blaming others and blaming ourselves. >>>>> >>>>> I really encourage everyone on this list to do a little bit of reading >>>>> >>>> into NVC. >>> >>>> I've linked to the Wikipedia article at the bottom of this email along >>>>> >>>> with the >>> >>>> website for the Center for Non-Violent Communication. The NVC way of >>>>> >>>> thinking >>> >>>> has really made a huge difference in how I understand and express >>>>> >>>> myself to >>> >>>> people. I'm by no means perfect at it myself, but even with the >>>>> >>>> practice that I >>> >>>> have I've already seen a huge improvement in how I relate to others. I >>>>> >>>> really >>> >>>> think that it could do a lot of good here. >>>>> >>>>> Thank you, >>>>> Derric Atzrott >>>>> Computer Specialist >>>>> Alizee Pathology >>>>> >>>>> [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication NVC on >>>>> >>>> Wikipedia >>> >>>> [1] http://www.cnvc.org/ Center for Non-Violent Communication >>>>> [2] https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory Feelings >>>>> >>>> Inventory (really >>> >>>> useful for those of us who aren't in touch with our feelings, like >>>>> >>>> myself) >>> >>>> [3] http://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory Needs Inventory (also >>>>> >>>> very >>> >>>> useful for those of us who aren't in touch with our needs, again, like >>>>> >>>> myself) >>> >>>> >>>>> _______________________________________________ >>>>> Wikitech-l mailing list >>>>> Wikitech-l@lists.wikimedia.org >>>>> https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/wikitech-l >>>>> >>>> _______________________________________________ >>>> Wikitech-l mailing list >>>> Wikitech-l@lists.wikimedia.org >>>> https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/wikitech-l >>>> >>> >>> _______________________________________________ >>> Wikitech-l mailing list >>> Wikitech-l@lists.wikimedia.org >>> https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/wikitech-l >>> >>> _______________________________________________ >> Wikitech-l mailing list >> Wikitech-l@lists.wikimedia.org >> https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/wikitech-l >> > > > _______________________________________________ > Wikitech-l mailing list > Wikitech-l@lists.wikimedia.org > https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/wikitech-l > _______________________________________________ Wikitech-l mailing list Wikitech-l@lists.wikimedia.org https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/wikitech-l
