The following is an entry in my Zen Journey blog that I would like to share
with you all. I wrote this as part of my Birthday Cleansing Ritual.
 
 
Cleansing my soul 
Ok so it is January 6th my birthday was over 2 minutes ago. I turned 35 and
feel so damn depressed because I have not done anything with my life. My
biggest accomplishment is having a beautiful son and a stable relationship.
Tonight my brother grabbed the garbage can and said "just another year of
garbage" that really hurt me and has got me to thinking how f.... Up I have
made things for myself. I have been an alcoholic, a cocaine addict, a (b...)
 and a lazy-ass. I make excuses for everything and pretend all is good when
it isn't. I am battling a cocaine demon that just feels like he is gonna win
this battle. I am trying to make peace with my self and put my issues in the
past. I feel like I have failed so many people, especially my mom.
As a Buddhist I should not cling to these feelings, but right now I can't
help it. My heart and soul are heavy with sadness and sorrow, full of
regrets and dismay. I don't know how to rid myself of the guilt, the pain,
the anger, and the regret. How do I forgive myself and let it go? 
I want to use all the experienceI I have gained as a stepping stone to a
better life. I hope that at 35 I can let the past go and send it away
forever. I can't look to a better tomorrow if I keep crying about yesterday.

Please, Lord Buddha I ask that you guide me on this new journey and help me
avoid the temptations that can mess things up for me.
 
Thanks for letting me share

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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