*bows to all*
I wasn't going to comment on this thread, but after reading DP's posts on this,
i decided to share an experience i am having right now..
To begin, I was struck when you wrote that what really bothers you is that
people attack you about what the "truth" is when it comes to religion. I have
said before here that, in my view, there really is no such thing as "the" truth
or even "a" truth. Its simply one's perception of it--beit a person, idea,
theology or event. The need to be right or somehow prove that one person's
perception is correct and therefore, another's is wrong, is at the heart of
our societal and global conflicts.
I think most of that is ego-driven, but to pretend or deny that humans don't
have egos is equally foolish. Its okay to have opinions, beliefs, values and
moral constructs. I think the danger of ego in this is when one insists
their viewiint is the only correct one.
I agree with Chris-- great wisdom there when he suggests that when you do not
respond to some flaming post or insult or complaint, you actually demonstrate
greater emotional maturity, and they are aware you maintain your views, but are
now moving on to the more important matters of your real life.
I also agree with Bill. Such matters cannot be analized in some logical
frame. If you have faith-- then logic has little to do with it, and perhaps
use your faith that perhaps your message will resonate somehow via less
Now, as I am now facing a problem that started with internet discussion, but
has now become a real life threat, I must caution others to beware those
on-line who indeed may have psychiatric buttons you do not want to inflame.
The man I've written about here who claims a lifetime of trauma , abuse,
tragedy and drama is at it again. After calmly making it clear to him that I
will no longer be a part of his self-created dramas, but wish him well-- the
following events have unfolded..
I received an e-mail from a man claiming to be an ordained minister, and
friend of this man. Telling me that **** was in a serious car accident and
has been taken to a local hospital.. Stating that the event details were
still unclear, but reassuring me this man is alive. Etc., etc.. He offers his
e-mail if I have questions or concers.. as if I must certainly be anxiously
awaiting any information on this tragic event.
Certain that this is more of the same I do not reply or respond. For people
with this type of psychological disorder which is to a large degree
attention-seeking, grandiose ideation, and other symtoms. There is a bit of
narcissisism, but his whole personality is more complex, and best left to be
diagnosed by medical professionals.
But I do know the worst thing you can do to such a person is ignore them.
Though it is the only appropriate and sane respomse or treatment.
I received a second e-mail a day later stating that the car was totally
destroyed, and he had retrieved the personal belongings (and cell phone) of
our "friend", and encouraged me tio call him with support. He is being
transferred to another hospital. Reminding me to keep jim in our heart and
prayers. And so and so on.
Again, I do not respond, and suspect that the person writing the e-mails is
indeed my "friend" himself.
This morning, i received a third e-mail from this minister friend of the man.
Starting out with telling me that the man in the hospital had told him a bit
of what i said to him.. and could not believe how i could be so horrible to
such a wonderful, decent, giving man Etc., Etc. It escalated into a temper
tantrum on-line with capitalized angry retorts and profanity. (Ministers
aren't what they used to be) *sigh*
At this point, I know I'm dealing with a very unbalanced individual who is
indeed in psychic pain. But this is out of my league. I care deeply about
prople and ache for every child on the globe. Not knowing me, its hard for
anyone here to know my real heart or values. I am not being cruel, I am
doing the right thing for him and myself.
This is hard on two levels. First, this man is much "sicker" than I
realized, and I am personally afraid. He has my address. I have blocked his
numbers from my phones, and will keep all e-mails in a folder for evidence.
But this man does own firearms, is emotionally unstable and I got into this
mess by just trying to be a friend at an interfaith workshop and discussion
It is times like this that having a family of attorneys is comforting. I have
contacted friends who are MD's and a psychiatrist, and explained the events. I
just want to be left alone, and let the medical personnel where he is sort this
BUT~~ what if its all a lie? If he is seeing all these doctors, they are
going to pick up on this. But if he is just a neurotic man behind a computer
screen, I have reason to fear.
My point is-- sheezus-- take a breath. Stand by your convictions if its
important to you. Let go. The other option is surrender to listening to
others views with a softened heart. We all have the right to have our on
viewpoint, so long as it does not hurt self or others. Or maybe get a new
--- On Thu, 9/30/10, DP <wookielife...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
From: DP <wookielife...@yahoo.ca>
Subject: [Zen] More about arguments and ego
Date: Thursday, September 30, 2010, 12:51 PM
I've thought some more about my problrm with getting into arguments on the
internet. I think that the internet has fueled a certain type of ugliness in
arguments, with its tendency towards short comments that snipe at miniscule
errors in one's posts. I want to walk away, and yet I hate the idea of the
bullies winning the argument.
I find that in religious discussions the "internet atheists" (a specific term
for these type of arguers, not all atheists) tend to crowd out people who want
to sincerely discuss religion on particular forums, so I get frustrated.
But here's where the ego comes in. Obviously, there is ego involved in winning
an argument, but there is also some ego in leaving. I feel like I'm saying "i'm
taking my ball and going home."
As well, i'm very insecure about my beliefs, and I feel like I'm somehow not
worthy of my arguments. How does insecurity relate to ego, or is that a
completely different question?