Cheers-- I was worried about "earnest" as well-- do you or anyone else have any alternate suggestions?
V. Sunalini Kumar wrote: > Dear Vivek, > > I like your version of the Sappho poem better than the original. I > especially like the reworked stanza which says 'it hurts to know'. > Just one word which I thought wasn't perfect was 'earnest'. Perhaps > another, which conveys youth and eagerness both? Just a suggestion. > > Regards, > > Sunalini > > > > > 'All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story or tell a story > about them." Isak Dinesen > > > >From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > >To: [email protected] > >Subject: [ZESTPoets] My version etc > >Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2005 10:36:58 +0200 (CEST) > > > >I couldn’t resist doing my own version of the Sappho poem— it seemed like > >a good exercise – and I append it below. Critiques, comments, suggestions > >for revision, very welcome. > > > >Below that, for those on this list who are not so inclined to read prose > >about poetry, Martin West’s translation and a very short excerpt of > >exegesis. If he’s right, and I think he is, then Sappho speaks of her own > >girl students as her eternally young wives and, quite likely, sexual > >consorts. I think it possible that she may have been teaching some of her > >students more than just poetry and dance. > > > > > >Suitors to the fragrant-blossomed Muses, > >earnest girls of the clear melodious lyre: > > > >my body was tender but old age > >has seized it. My hair is white, > > > >my heart is heavy. My knees -- that once > >were quick for the dance as fawns -- give in. > > > >It hurts to know there’s no way > >to be human and not grow old: > > > >as Tithonus, whom rose-armed Dawn > >carried to the world’s end, was lovely > > > >and young, before age fell even > >on that husband of an immortal wife. > > > >--Vivek N > > > >*** > > > >Here is the poem in my own restoration and translation. The words in > square > >brackets are supplied by conjecture. > > > > > >[You for] the fragrant-blossomed Muses’ lovely gifts > >[be zealous,] girls, [and the] clear melodious lyre: > > > >[but my once tender] body old age now > >[has seized;] my hair’s turned [white] instead of dark; > > > >my heart’s grown heavy, my knees will not support me, > >that once on a time were fleet for the dance as fawns. > > > >This state I oft bemoan; but what’s to do? > >Not to grow old, being human, there’s no way. > > > >Tithonus once, the tale was, rose-armed Dawn, > >love-smitten, carried off to the world’s end, > > > >handsome and young then, yet in time grey age > >o’ertook him, husband of immortal wife. > > > > > >This truth is illustrated, as typically in Greek lyric, by a mythical > >example. It is a tale that was popular at the time, the story of > >Tithonus, whom the Dawn-goddess took as her husband. At her request, Zeus > >granted him immortality, but she neglected to ask that he should also > have > >eternal youth, so he just grew ever older and feebler. Finally she shut > >him up in his room, where he chatters away endlessly but barely has the > >strength to move. > > > >Sappho is very economical with the myth, giving it just four lines and > >ending the poem with it. At first sight it might seem a lame ending. But > >the final phrase gives a poignant edge to the whole. Tithonus lived on, > >growing ever more grey and frail, while his consort remained young and > >beautiful – just as Sappho grows old before a cohort of protégées who, > >like undergraduates, are always young. The poem is a small masterpiece: > >simple, concise, perfectly formed, an honest, unpretentious expression of > >human feeling, dignified in its restraint. It moves both by what it says > >and by what it leaves unspoken. It gives us no ground for thinking that > >Sappho’s poetic reputation was undeserved. > > > >-- Martin West > > > > -- You are encouraged to post poetry, respond critically to the poems circulated and participate in discussions. To post, email your message to [email protected] OR post online at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/post/ Tell friends to subscribe to ZESTPoets by sending a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED], OR, if they have a Yahoo! ID, by visiting http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/join/ ---theZESTcommunity-------------- [1] ZESTCurrent: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCurrent/ [2] ZESTEconomics: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTEconomics/ [3] ZESTGlobal: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTGlobal/ [4] ZESTMedia: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTMedia/ [5] ZESTPoets: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ [6] ZESTCaste: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCaste/ [7] ZESTAlternative: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTAlternative/ [8] TalkZEST: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TalkZEST/ --- Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
