Ok-- now you get to vote on the best replacements for the two words. I used "earnest" partly for a little off-rhyme with girls, but I can see it should go. As for tender, I'm not so sure-- the dictionary uses it to describe both youthfulness and old age, and its particular meaning here should be clear from the context. So I still prefer tender, but I give some options on that too.
Here are the various options-- there are only so many possible English words. Or perhaps someone would like to suggest some completely different solution? In both these series, my own vote/preference goes to the first line in the series. passionate girls of the clear melodious lyre ardent girls of the clear melodious lyre aspiring girls of the clear melodious lyre vernal girls of the clear melodious lyre pedomorphic girls of the clear melodious lyre (just kidding) my body was supple but old age has seized it my body was nimble but old age has seized it my body was limber but old age has seized it my body was lissome but old age has seized it Waiting for your freer, raunchier version, Jane... V. > >Suitors to the fragrant-blossomed Muses, >earnest girls of the clear melodious lyre: > >my body was tender but old age >has seized it. My hair is white, > >my heart is heavy. My knees -- that once >were quick for the dance as fawns -- give in. > >It hurts to know there’s no way >to be human and not grow old: > >as Tithonus, whom rose-armed Dawn >carried to the world’s end, was lovely > >and young, before age fell even >on that husband of an immortal wife. > >--Vivek N > > -- You are encouraged to post poetry, respond critically to the poems circulated and participate in discussions. To post, email your message to [email protected] OR post online at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/post/ Tell friends to subscribe to ZESTPoets by sending a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED], OR, if they have a Yahoo! ID, by visiting http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/join/ ---theZESTcommunity-------------- [1] ZESTCurrent: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCurrent/ [2] ZESTEconomics: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTEconomics/ [3] ZESTGlobal: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTGlobal/ [4] ZESTMedia: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTMedia/ [5] ZESTPoets: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ [6] ZESTCaste: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCaste/ [7] ZESTAlternative: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTAlternative/ [8] TalkZEST: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TalkZEST/ --- Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
