>I just finished watching "Dungeons & Dragons". I'm not proud of
>that, but I (a) had a free rental coming to me at the video
Ha! Wimp!! I went with a bunch of friends to see it in the theater. Now
*that* was painful! :)
>In the name of all the Dark Gods of the Universe, I never, ever, saw
>a movie this bad.
I don't know about all that. Maybe it was because I was with a troop of
fellow geeks, but I managed to have a *little* fun between the groans and
eye-rolls when I saw it.
>The range of talent they got for this film is amazing, considering
>how bloody awful the script is. Halle Berry must have had a truck
>full of money backed up to her house,
Umm, to be fair, Halle Berry is not in this movie. The black elven ranger
was played by Kirsten Thomas. Now, if you want to laugh at her for
promoting this new Travolta movie as the one where they payed her an extra
$500,000 for getting nekkid you'll be on to something.
>and I can only assume the producer is holding Jeremy Irons' family
>hostage.
They should take away Mr. Irons Oscar for Reversal of Fortune. I've not
seen this kind of hamming it up since I was in plays in high school.
>Granted, it is a step up in quality effects-wise for Tom Baker, but
>there is simply NO reason for Richard O'Brien to associate himself
>with this level of crap.
Well, Mr. O'Brien's claim to fame is Rocky Horror. No cinematic tour de
force, that one. Not to mention, I figure he was probably happy to have the
work.
To be honest, I most astonished at Thora Birch's "Queen Amidala on
quaaludes" performance, especially after her fine work in American Beauty.
>And then there's Marlon Wayans... many people have complained about
>Jar Jar Binks from "SW: TPM". If you thought Jar Jar was an
>offensive character, don't slow down to see this aesthetic train
>wreck. Wayans makes Chicken George from "Gone With the Wind" look
>like Malcolm Frigging X. The character of "Snails" (no kidding)
>spends the entire movie grimacing, uttering sassy one-liners and
>screaming in wide-eyed panic.
I was thinking Stepin' Fetchit myself. And don't forget the bald villain
with the electric blue lipstick. Very disturbing.
>The lead, Justin Whalen, lacks only one thing to keep him from being
>a big-time move star. Charisma. If charisma was air, he'd be the
>Moon. Despite numerous loving caresses from the camera, Whalen
>manages to smirk his way out of earning any sympathy or liking.
LOL!!! Great metaphor. He was trying *very* hard to be Han Solo, wasn't
he?
>All in all, I'd recommend this film if you're (1) desperate, (2)
>lobotomized, (3) doing penance or (4) out to throw away $3 that
>could be spent on some Drano to snort. I'd rather read Piers
>Anthony than watch this move again.
Oh, c'mon now! Everyone needs a good laugh, and this movie did provide more
of them than many a so-called comedy! :)
>A sequel is being planned even as we speak. Why? Despite the fact
>that the movie *lost* millions of dollars in the States, our Dear
>Friends in Europe and Asia managed to help "Dungeons & Dragons" make
>a hefty profit.
I'd heard this. That's a scary thought.
> As far as I'm concerned, that nullifies *ANY* claims to moral or
> intellectual superiority.
Well, that and Jerry Lewis, sure. :)
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