My experience in the health industry tells me that while there are medical case myths out there, that these are fairly tame to many accounts. These are probably the cases that are funny in their description. I personally witnessed a lot of strange objects being pulled from various orifices. Mentally ill patients can do some crazy stuff, along with normal people. Kids will stick beans in their noses and ears, and they will sprout.
> -----Original Message----- > From: M. Malmkvist [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > Sent: Saturday, July 06, 2002 6:50 PM > To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Subject: SV: Is there a doctor in the house? > <snip> > > > A few actual reports from around the Emergency Rooms of the USA - > to prove that fact is DEFINITELY stranger than fiction. > > > A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted > suicide. The > man had swallowed several nitro-glycerine pills and a fifth > of vodka. When > asked about the bruises about his head and chest he said that > they were > from him ramming himself into the wall in an attempt to make the > nitro-glycerine explode. If a person can drink a fifth of Vodka and still ram himself into walls, he has other problems other than being stupid. > > > A 50-year old woman came into the ER with a complaint of mild > abdominal > pain. During a pelvic exam the doctor found that the lady had > inserted a > whole chicken piece by piece into her vagina. Unable to have > children she > was hoping that the chicken would turn into a baby. Clearly a mental patient. I used to take care of a Alzheimer's patient (woman) who had to be kept away from all paper, because she would insert the paper into any available orifice. > > > An Afro-American woman with shortness of breath and who > weighed more than > 500 lbs was dragged into the ER on a tarp by six firemen. > While trying to > undress the lady an asthma inhaler fell out of one of the > folds under her > arm. After an X-ray showed a round mass on the left side of > her chest her > massive left breast was lifted to find a shiny new dime. And > last but not > least during a pelvic exam a TV remote control was discovered > in one of the > folds of her crotch. She became known as "The Human Couch". If you have ever seen a 500+lb person naked you would understand the serious issues related to this much weight. At this weight, people cannot lie on their backs without being suffocated by their chest/abdominal fat (peniculus?) putting pressure on their throat. These people cannot see or reach many parts of their body. I suspect that this lady was neglected. > > > A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the > ER parking > lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. > Wanting to tell > the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!" At this the > grandmother started to cry and the baby's father had to be > restrained. What the doctor should have been saying was > "Puja!" (Push!). > Instead, he was saying, "Whore! Whore!" This is very plausible. > > > An unconscious 36-year old Afro male was brought to the ER > with cocaine > induced seizures. As a nurse pulled back his foreskin to > insert a catheter > a neatly folded twenty dollar bill fell out of the foreskin > fold. When the > man woke up and demanded to leave, the nurse gave him back > his belongings > and told him where she had found the money. His pouted > response: "It was a > fifty, b*tch!" Well.. no comment here. > > > An quite elderly woman came into the ER complaining, "I got > the green vines > in my virginny". A pelvic exam verified that she did, > indeed, have a six > inch vine growing out of her vagina. Further inspection > revealed that she > had a mass in her vaginal vault. It was easily removed and > looked very much > like a potato. It was, indeed, a potato. The patient said that her > uterus was falling out and that she "put a potato in there to > hold it up" > and then forgot about it. Elderly women can suffer from uterine prolapse(?), where the uterus can actually "fall out". a potato would be an effective "truss" to prevent prolapse. > > > The most non-emergency ER visit: A male adolescent came in > at 2 a.m. with > a complaint of belly button lint. > > > A young female came to the ER with lower abdominal pain. > During the exam > and questioning, the female denied being sexually active. > The doctor gave > her a pregnancy test anyway and it came back positive. The > doctor went back > to the young female's room. > Doctor: "The results of your pregnancy test came back > positive. Are you > sure you're not sexually active?" > Patient: "Sexually active? No, sir, I just lay there." > Doctor: "I see. Well, do you know who the father is?" > Patient: "No. Who?" There are people this ignorant out there. There are also a lot of ignorant teenagers who have many misconceptions about pregnancy - despite the public school systems attempts to teach the basics. Some kids just don't care or want to know how their body basically works. I think these are plausible. I personally have assisted in a procedure involving a 13" Carrot (foreign body removal). What was remarkable were the tiny divots carved out of the (fat) end, presumably from fingernails...... Nerd From Hell > > > A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was > rushed to the > hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation > attempts, the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went > to tell the > lady's 78-year old daughter that her mother didn't make it. > "Didn't make > it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance > forty-five minutes > ago!" > > > A 15-year old boy was lying on a stretcher with his mother > sitting next to > him. The boy was coming down from crank." (methamphetamine) > that he had > injected into his veins with needles he had been sharing with his > friends. Concerned about this the doctor asked the boy if there was > anything he might have been doing that put him at risk for > AIDS. The boy > thought for a while then said questioningly, "I've been > scr*wing the dog?" > > > A 19-year old female was asked why she was in the ER. She > said that she > and her boyfriend were having sex and the condom came off and > she wasn't > able to retrieve it with her fingers. "Then I went to the > bathroom and > 'gagged' myself > to vomit, but couldn't vomit it up either." > >
