Well, if someone was going around cleaning up your father's landfill instead of say, kicking his ass out of the house, said someone would be just another member of a rather dysfunctional family, playing the typical role of caretaker.
No offense intended - but I'm just trying to point out that maybe what you needed was not more family, but less family. My husband came from a family where friendships (at least for the kids) were not encouraged. He grew up pretty isolated and has some character flaws because of it. But, you know what? He's doing a kick-ass job of overcoming that upbringing. Having a kid and a neighborhood full of other kids has helped a lot. But, before that, he actually managed to force himself to get on stage at open mics, which eventually led to forming bands with people, which eventually led to a rather large and close-knit community of which he is a part. While I agree with you that there is a demise of close extended families, I'm apt to say that a lot of that has to do with the fact that we're now a mobile society. It was much easier to be close-knit when "far away" was the next town over. Just to throw this out there - what are you doing for your kids to help them stay connected and to have a thriving social network? Are you overcoming the modernization of society? On 7/28/05, S. Isaac Dealey <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Hm, I'm not sure the that monogamy = disneyism. > > I mean, I'm monogamous, but I have lots of > > friends, each of whom fulfill a different role > > for me. The only way in which I'm monogamous > > is that only one tab A gets inserted into slot > > B, so to speak. I'd agree that becoming insular > > as a nuclear family is a dangerous proposition. > > I didn't mean to imply that I felt there was a 1 to 1 relationship > between monogamy and the Disneyism... merely that I feel the Disneyism > is the direction our culture seems to be headed / leaning... and that > as time passes and that becomes more the case, it's increasingly > damaging to the culture as a whole and to the individuals in it. Many > of us don't see this -- and I wouldn't expect many of us to see it > necessarily... at least not at first... the people who are going to > notice it first are going to be those lucky disaffected individuals > like myself who've grown up with an insular nuclear family and know > what a struggle it is to try to create a social network for yourself > once you've become an adult, where most adults (at least in my > anecdotal experience) seem to have gradually developed their social > networks from an early age. > > My father I think is fond of the idea that "hell is other people" and > so growing up insulated wasn't really something I had much choice > about. He claimed he never wanted us to have friends over because the > house was a land-fill, but then he never did anything to help clean it > up. Actually he routinely trashed whatever room he happened to be in > whenever he got angry. My abused (and hypochondriac) mother would do > what so many abuse victims do and clean up after him... didn't change > the fact that the house was a land-fill... I know that I was catatonic > as a child on at least one occasion after seeing my father threaten > suicide with a knife in the kitchen. I have to wonder if any of this > would have happened in an extended-family environment. In what large > family does the house remain a land-fill for years on end? There's > typically at least one person who takes charge to make sure that > doesn't happen right? They typicall look after one-another don't they? > Make sure they're not threatening to stab themselves or becoming > catatonic from shock? > > Hell isn't other people... Hell is growing up with someone who > believed it. > > Sorry... I'll stop now... > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Purchase Captivate from House of Fusion, a Macromedia Authorized Affiliate and support the CF community. http://www.houseoffusion.com/banners/view.cfm?bannerid=52 Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:167109 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
