I went looking for Myrtle Wilhite's "Lullaby of the swing: And other contra
dances, tunes, waltzes, and essays" so I could read her "I am not a lady"
essay, and found an archived Geocities page
<https://www.oocities.org/heartland/1752/contra_books.html> "last updated
Mon Jul 14 1997 by William J. Watson".  This is the same William Watson
who's still active in the community (cc'd) and after writing to him he was
kind enough to send me the essay:

*Essay 11: I am not a lady.*

*Myrtle Wilhite, 1993*







*You may notice that I don't write or call dances with ladies in them. This
is distinctly classist language in the fabric of contra terminology which
not only implies upper vs. lower class distinctions ('woman' does not), but
encourages submission for the women ("now, act like a lady!!!"). I preserve
the clarity of the call with "women" for ladies and "men" for gents (same
number of syllables), and in my calling years I have never had any
misunderstandings about it. (As you might guess, I don't call "...and trap
that pretty little girl" in square calls either.)To the rejoinder that "the
figure is called a ladies chain", I reply that the name of a figure is
"chain", and that the gender discrimination only determines who is to cross
the set. After all, there are "men's chains".To those who reply that this
is "traditional wording that shalt not be altered" (was that the eleventh
commandment?), I remind them that this is THE FOLK PROCESS after all, and
I'm allowed to try different things, thank you. If the wording didn't work,
it wouldn't work, but it does. Of those who spontaneously noticed, I had
only favorable comments from men and women alike. (I wonder after writing
that how many ruffled feathers there will be--good excuse to make a feather
pillow...)So, I'd like to suggest that you refer to the woman's role
consistently by the term woman or women, and the man's role consistently by
the term man or men. And if you don't think that other choreographers are
likely to agree with this editing, I would really like you to at least
preserve the terminology in my dances/dance descriptions. If you choose not
to do this in your own calling or dance choreography, you make your own
choices, and I applaud your right to do exactly that.*

While she explicitly requests that people keep her dances with women/men
role terms, reading the rest of the piece I think if she were still
involved in the community she wouldn't be telling people they couldn't use
Larks/Robins for her dances.

Jeff

On Thu, Feb 9, 2023 at 10:54 PM Jerome Grisanti via Contra Callers <
contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Kat,
>
> Nice observations.
>
> I'll note that your symmetrical version of California Twirl into "Tug and
> Turn" is almost exactly the definition of "Trade By" in club squares for
> dancers who are facing out of the set. (For dancers facing in, trade by is
> functionally the same as "pass through."
>
> I like your tweaks toward symmetry, particularly as you're in a position
> to encourage it across an entire community.
>
> I fear a splitting of dance communities as some dancers favor certain
> terms while others prefer a different set without some consensus.
>
> Jerome Grisanti
>
>
> On Thu, Feb 9, 2023, 12:23 PM Katherine Kitching via Contra Callers <
> contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> Hello from Halifax, NS, Canada!
>> I'd like to add to this convo by saying that for many years (as both a
>> dancer and then a caller), I've had the desire to cultivate the roles as
>> equal, rather than the Larks having more of a leader role.
>>
>> I wasn't sure that that was an ok thing to want though, so I kept it to
>> myself at first.   I'm thrilled to now read that there are others also
>> consciously pushing the roles in that direction.
>>
>> Our group was doing gents and ladies when i started to dance, and there
>> were definitely many gents in our group who wanted to lead me around.  I
>> didn't particularly enjoy being relegated to the follow role because of my
>> gender.  (and yes, there was in theory the option to dance the other role,
>> but as I was easily confused back then, I preferred to stick with the role
>> I was slowly getting used to).  At the same time, as I started to learn
>> more, I noticed there were many "gents" who had no sense of leading, and I
>> began to enjoy as the "lady" being able to "back-lead" them to help them
>> feel the wonderful centripetal and balancy forces at play.  I became quite
>> the expert back-leader in the ladies chain!  But I always hated the term
>> "back-lead" as I felt it had a negative connotation.  (That pushy lady is
>> back-leading the gent, just like a back-seat driver!).  I even remember
>> once, an experienced dancer from the US telling me it was totally
>> inappropriate to desire to "back-lead" and I still feel annoyed by that
>> today ;)
>>
>> Anyhow, we've now switched over to a non-gendered dance with Larks and
>> Ravens (with beautiful bird-labels that the dancers wear, which is why we
>> haven't evolved to Robins here) and it is working wonderfully for us.
>>
>> With so many new dancers coming in and old ones fading away over the
>> years, I think the majority of our dancers  don't have any idea there even
>> *were* gender roles in our type of dancing.  (We are quite an isolated
>> community out here, so for many people, we are the only thing they know
>> about contra dancing).  I think that is so cool!  When you look around the
>> room at our dances, we have reached the point where there is no correlation
>> between visible gender and bird-role - everyone randomly assigns
>> themselves.  For us, it's been an amazing change - and we've heard directly
>> from both the queer community and from many women that they feel more
>> comfortable at our dances now.  And the cisgender men keep coming so I
>> presume they are having an ok time too :)
>>
>> As I've become more confident in my calling and am now the defacto caller
>> for our group (nobody else is currently available though I'm going to train
>> some new folks this spring), I've felt more bold to cultivate the roles as
>> I'd like to see them.
>>
>> I never mention a notion of leading or following, and instead I talk
>> about the delightful "push-me-pull-you" feeling of contra, where each
>> dancer feels an "elastic connection" to the other, and how (in my view)
>> this special shared connection, along with a feeling of never-ending
>> movement, is what makes contra magical.
>>
>> We get a very large proportion of beginners each month, and also many
>> repeat dancers who don't become particularly skilled (they perhaps attend
>> once every 2-3 months on average, so their learning curve is slow, and they
>> forget a lot after our 3-month summer break).
>>
>> As such, we do a lot of dances without swings  (I try to get at least
>> halfway through the dance without introducing a swing), and I'm trying
>> Larks chains as well as Robins chains prior to swinging these days.
>> Post-covid, we've been doing swings with a modified ballroom hold (Larks
>> left hand in Robins' right, but other hands cupped on each others' elbows),
>> which creates more space between the dancers -- both for personal comfort
>> for any gender when dancing with a stranger--and also less germs-in-face
>> feeling during these covid times.
>> (Though I plan to try the Scottish Swing that Ridge suggested at our next
>> dance, just out of interest! :) )
>>
>> I find the swing in this modified ballroom position feels symmetrical to
>> me and to our dancers- both dancers are supporting each other by the elbow,
>> and one does not feel more inherently "lead-y".
>>
>> I've also replaced "California Twirl" with what I call "tug and turn" - I
>> tell the dancers to tug off the hand they are holding (i.e inside hand) to
>> pass by the right shoulder - then catch by the new inside hand facing the
>> other way.  When this happens with partners, sometimes they end up doing a
>> cali-twirl as an embellishment - but the base move is symmetrical.
>>
>> So I feel I'm close to achieving my personal vision for a no leads/follow
>> dance. :D
>>
>>
>> I have always loved contra as a way for two dancers or 4 dancers or a
>> whole line of dancers to feel these interesting connections and forces at
>> play, while never stopping moving.  I personally have never been interested
>> in contra as something that resembles "couples dancing", so the approach we
>> have in our group is emphasizing the elements of contra that I
>> personally love best.    As our dances are well attended and growing, it
>> seems to be working for our group. Which is gratifying for me for sure :)
>>
>> All that said!
>> One of the most interesting parts of this discussion is to read about all
>> the diverse approaches that callers are taking throughout the world, and
>> how different approaches seem to work super well in different communities.
>> I am totally intrigued by positional calling.  I don't forsee trying it
>> myself any time soon, only because what we have going for us right now is
>> working really well and it's taken many years to get here... but I'm super
>> keen to try it out at a dance elsewhere, and maybe in the future I'll give
>> it a try in Halifax.
>> And while I LOVE our non-gendered dances here in Halifax, I could see
>> myself as a cisgender person getting a kick out of going to a dance
>> somewhere far away with my sweetheart on a date night, where they call with
>> men and ladies and the gender roles are quite rigid, and getting into that
>> vibe for the evening.  And though I am personally terrified of the idea of
>> dancing at one of those fusion events where the contra dancers do some
>> red-hot swing/blues type dancing with their partners, I *adore* watching
>> videos of it, it's amazing!
>>
>> So I wanted to say that I hope everyone continues to contribute to this
>> discussion in the spirit of "Here is what works for me/ here is what works
>> for my group in case it interests you" rather than in a critical or
>> prosthelytizing fashion :)
>>
>> Cheers from Halifax!
>> Kat Kitching
>> https://halifaxcontra.ca <http://www.halifaxcontra.c>
>>
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