I am super glad that in our (Seattle) dance community the vast majority of people sitting out dances are doing so because they want to rest, or to chat with someone who's resting. There is still a small handful of folks who insist on never partnering with those they think are the same sex as they.
This means that more people are having fun dancing, and fewer are sitting out because they can't find a partner. People are dancing with _people_. No one is forcing anyone to dance with anyone else. This is a huge win in my book. I'm one of the organizers of Emerald City Contra Dance. About 18 months ago a dancer told me of a guy who was trying to split up a couple of female-presenting dancers because he didn't want to do dance moves with "the wrong person." He physically put his hands on them to try to move them to the "correct" positions, and force them to dance with male-presenting dancers. When told about this I immediately approached him, told him his behavior was unacceptable, and that he should never try to do that again. He hasn't been back to our dance since. I don't know about the couple he was accosting. I apologized to them on behalf of ECCD. The attitude in our community is mostly one of acceptance. Anyone can dance with anyone who wants to dance with them. Anyone can turn down an offer to dance for no reason at all. I'm constantly told our community is the most welcoming they've ever experienced. (Can't vouch for the vastness of said experience.) I am proud of our community. There's a lot of love in it. I find the topic of tradition being brought into the conversation baffling. The folk tradition has always been one of changes, evolving, moving forward. I encourage everyone to give it a whirl. -Amy On Tue, Mar 12, 2024, 9:23 AM Tanya Merchant via Contra Callers < [email protected]> wrote: > I’m bumping this for folks who want to talk about gender preference in > dance partners. > > And while I understand the valid social and historical context that would > make inactive roles a good thing for the social part of social dancing, > like Jeff, I’m also really glad we don’t do that much anymore. > > > Tanya H. Merchant > > > On Tue, Mar 12, 2024 at 06:01 Jeff Kaufman via Contra Callers < > [email protected]> wrote: > >> "The whole point of moving away from Proper to First Couples Improper >> or Becket was that you then had people of the opposite gender on both >> sides of you in your minor set, so that all Neighbour and Partner >> interactions were with the opposite gender" >> >> That's one advantage for some people, but another advantage of >> Improper and Becket is that they make it much easier to have >> equal-turn dances, where everyone is 'active' simultaneously. No more >> waiting fifteen times through for a chance to be a "one" and then only >> getting to dance it twice before the music stops. >> >> Jeff >> >> On Tue, Mar 12, 2024 at 8:54 AM Katherine Kitching via Contra Callers >> <[email protected]> wrote: >> > >> > On the topic of a comfortable swing that maintains the ballroom hold, >> i'll repeat the suggestion I offered a few months back. >> > >> > As part of our transition to promoting a culture of "we encourage >> everyone to dance with everyone else, regardless of gender, age, level of >> experience or any other factor" - and also as a reaction to covid, we've >> started designating the standard neighbour swing (and default partner >> swing, if you don't know your partner and don't want to experiment), as a >> "modified ballroom hold" - which we call the "elbow hold". >> > >> > This swing gives a little more space between the couple, without in any >> way compromising the effectiveness of the swing in my opinion. (Though I am >> sure there will be some other opinions out there ;). ) >> > >> > Ballroom hands same as always. >> > >> > Other hand cupped around the back of the upper arm of your partner, >> just above the elbow. >> > >> > Taller person's arm goes above the shorter persons arm. >> > >> > The more I practice this hold, the more I like it. >> > I find it makes me more comfortable with everyone (and in fact, as a >> cisgender woman I find it makes the most difference to me when dancing with >> men, I have found I like having a bit of extra space between me and any man >> who is not my spouse :) ) >> > >> > I offer this in the spirit of "something my group finds effective". >> > >> > >> > KK >> > >> > Mar 12, 2024 7:18:46 AM John Sweeney via Contra Callers < >> [email protected]>: >> > >> > Hi all, >> > >> > I once called Chris Page’s dance where the dancers >> scatter individually and find someone with whom to do a Gypsy Meltdown >> (Gypsy & Swing). Many of the ladies got together leaving two men alone in >> the middle of the dance-floor. There was absolutely no way that those two >> men were going to Swing each other in a Ballroom Hold. >> > >> > There was an article in the EFDSS magazine not so long >> ago about this very challenge. The author was concerned that by going >> gender-free they would lose many good male dancers who weren’t comfortable >> with the situation. >> > >> > Someone in these threads said that, if you prefer dancing >> with ladies, then there is nothing preventing you from only asking ladies >> for a dance. But what happens when you get in the set and find that every >> Neighbour that you meet is a man! >> > >> > I and my wife dance many styles, West Coast Swing, Blues, Ceroc, Modern >> Jive, Tango, Salsa, etc. 99% of the time it is one man with one lady (OK, >> I specialise in dancing with two ladies at once, but that is another >> matter!). Occasionally there will be same-sex pairings, and nobody thinks >> anything of it. But it is not being forced on them in the way that contra >> dancing is forcing same-sex pairings as you meet and interact with all your >> Neighbours. >> > >> > The whole point of moving away from Proper to First Couples Improper or >> Becket was that you then had people of the opposite gender on both sides of >> you in your minor set, so that all Neighbour and Partner interactions were >> with the opposite gender! >> > >> > I think part of the challenge is the very close Ballroom-Hold Swing >> which many men find too intimate with another man. Of course there are >> lots of symmetrical holds that don’t have the same challenge – you are >> further apart. They don’t have the “Pointy Hand” to help you remember >> which side to finish on. I often use these myself in contra dances when I >> have a good partner, doing a different Swing each time through the dance, >> but I know which side to finish the Swing on. I suspect the Ballroom-Hold >> Swing is too embedded in Contra Dance culture to change now, though, of >> course, it was not always so. >> > >> > The communities that I call for all want men dancing with ladies. I >> use geographic and positional calling where it helps. I start most >> sessions by saying, “Find a partner, traditionally one man and one lady, >> but anyone can dance with anyone.” 99% of the time they will dance with >> the opposite gender. >> > >> > Personally I have a real problem with Larks & Robins since I use Men & >> Ladies in my calling. For me the L in Lark makes me think of Ladies, not >> Left. It really hurts my brain! >> > >> > I am all for anyone dancing with anyone. I dance the Lady’s role and >> will Swing anyone. I love Chaos Lines! (And please don’t assume that you >> know anything about my sexuality!) >> > >> > I feel that it is very sad that the traditional and historic concepts >> are being lost. Our culture has always been very inclusive, with everyone >> welcome and anyone dancing with anyone they want. I am not at all convinced >> that any benefits outweigh the losses. >> > >> > Happy dancing, >> > >> > John >> > >> > >> > >> > John Sweeney, Dancer, England [email protected] 01233 625 362 & >> 07802 940 574 >> > >> > http://www.contrafusion.co.uk for Dancing in Kent >> > >> > _______________________________________________ >> > Contra Callers mailing list -- [email protected] >> > To unsubscribe send an email to >> [email protected] >> _______________________________________________ >> Contra Callers mailing list -- [email protected] >> To unsubscribe send an email to >> [email protected] >> > _______________________________________________ > Contra Callers mailing list -- [email protected] > To unsubscribe send an email to [email protected] >
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