My 2¢ I agree - it's not always homophobia that is behind the reaction - sometimes it's entire generations of upbringing that make it extremely difficult/awkward for some men to be in a more physically intimate space than they usually find themselves in. And it's one thing to do an allemande left with another man - you're not as physically close for as long)... many men are only used to being in close proximity with other men in a sports role or a slap on the back "hello" (in the *American* culture - other cultures aren't anywhere near as uptight).
I think that some of the alternative swing suggestions made will go a long way to easing the reactions - they're just less intimate, less of a "threat" of any kind (whether cultural boundaries/homophobia/whatever). My opinions... Patricia Patricia Campbell southern ME (she/her) On Sun, Mar 17, 2024 at 7:24 PM Julian Blechner via Contra Callers < [email protected]> wrote: > Read and JJ, > > This is where I tread carefully, because _all men_ (or nearly so) are > raised with some pretty toxic beliefs doused all over them (and women, but > they seem to do a bit better than us men at dealing with it). Sometimes > it's hard to tell the boundary between "traditional gender roles" versus > homophobia. And that's why it's absolutely a reason why it's a touchy > subject. > > Anytime "doing X in dancing is homophobic" is brought up, it's: > 1. Not always accurate > 2. When it is accurate, it's just going to shut down most discussion. No > one wants to hear their deeply ingrained societal norms and beliefs are > bigoted, right? It's a non-starter for conversation. > > That said, lgbtqia folks (myself included) absolutely should talk about > the negative effects of it (ex: Two women are split up so men can have > partners, or the "dramatic production" JJ mentioned in their reply). It's > critical these stories continue to be told so people can understand the > harm that is done sometimes in the name of "tradition". > > But in terms of how we - as performers and organizers - look forward and > improve things, I think if the goal is persuasiveness, it's more effective > to let people judge for themselves whether and how their ingrained societal > norms are homophobic or not. > > Changing these things is hard work and takes a long time. Gender and > sexuality are core parts of our identities, so any discussion of it can be > intensely personal for anyone. > > In dance, > Julian Blechner > He/him > Western Massachusetts > > On Sun, Mar 17, 2024, 6:55 PM JJ <[email protected]> wrote: > >> Hi Read! I wanted to add that the times when I (a non-binary person that >> is generally assumed to be a man) have encountered neighbor men who refuse >> to swing with me, it has often been accompanied with either thinly-veiled >> disgust or even an overt "ew I'm not dancing with a man." I'm so sorry that >> you were physically assaulted, though I'm not surprised. >> >> I agree with Read that this is just general homophobia, and again it >> makes me worry about the women these men are dancing with, simply because >> they clearly don't want to "hold a man" in the same way that they are >> "holding" all the women they neighbor/partner with. >> Polite declining is 100% acceptable and I've never been upset by it. But >> more often than not, men refusing to dance with me has been a rather >> dramatic production that leaves me feeling icky. 🤷 >> >> >> On Sun, Mar 17, 2024, 11:27 Read Weaver via Contra Callers < >> [email protected]> wrote: >> >>> I’m kinda doubtful about how common reason 2 is, I think most of what >>> might superficially seem like insisting on conventional gender roles is >>> actually (men's) homophobia—dancing with a man might make me look like a…, >>> or the man dancing with me might be a…. (I specify men because I’ve never >>> once lived and danced where women were exercised about this—occasionally a >>> preference for mixed-gender, but never a strong one). The guy who assaulted >>> me at NEFFA years ago because he came across me in the line dancing the >>> “wrong” role didn’t do so because I was rejecting conventional gender >>> roles, he did it because of homophobia. >>> >>> Read Weaver >>> Jamaica Plain, MA >>> http://lcfd.org >>> >>> > On Mar 12, 2024, at 1:36 PM, Julian Blechner via Contra Callers < >>> [email protected]> wrote: >>> > >>> > ... >>> > - So, when someone says they prefer to dance in non-genderfree dances, >>> with a partner of a different binary-presenting gender person, in trad >>> roles, there's 2 possible, non-exclusive reasons: >>> > 1. That their choice is about courtship, but "make exceptions" for >>> people you're not attracted to. Which, I guess is fine in and of itself, >>> but I think people with this preference often may not consider _just how >>> many exceptions_ there are. >>> > 2. Their choice is more about embracing traditional gender roles. I'll >>> get back to this >>> ... >>> _______________________________________________ >>> Contra Callers mailing list -- [email protected] >>> To unsubscribe send an email to >>> [email protected] >>> >>> _______________________________________________ > Contra Callers mailing list -- [email protected] > To unsubscribe send an email to [email protected] >
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