I guess I'm dense?
That is only part of it. I believe you also are being deliberately obstinate and that you delight in being contrary merely for the attention it gets you. And here I am reinforcing that behavior! Apple has worked hard to maintain the illusion of right mouse button, so it easy to be fooled, especially if one is an OS X newbie using a Windows keyboard and mouse on a Mini. But that description does not apply to you.
