If Operating Systems were beer...
AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been
picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import.
This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't
understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal
and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz.
cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and
colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears
dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV
anyway.
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz.
can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8
compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be
discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's
no longer available.
Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you
take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the
can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't
need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the
trashcan.
OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but
somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them,
even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but
the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million
six-packs have been sold.
VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain
extremely un-beer-like contents.
Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a
lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it
allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can
only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking
the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can
of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Windows 95 Beer: A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful.
The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer.
It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz.
of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until
their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list,
when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in
DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new
brew.
Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the
truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger
refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company
promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's -- after Windows
95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested
only for use in bars.
Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz.
to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even
though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical.
Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have
to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you
either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been
drinking Unix Beer for several years.
* BSD stout: Deep, hearty, and an acquired taste. The official brewer has
released the recipe, and a lot of home-brewers now use it.
* Hurd beer: Long advertised by the popular and politically active GNU brewery,
so far it has more head than body. The GNU brewery is mostly known for
printing complete brewing instructions on every can, which contains hops,
malt, barley, and yeast ... not yet fermented.
* Linux brand: A recipe originally created by a drunken Finn in his
basement, it has since become the home-brew of choice for impecunious
brewers and Unix beer-lovers worldwide, many of whom change the recipe.
* POSIX ales: Sweeter than lager, with the kick of a stout; the
newer batches of a lot of beers seem to blend ale and stout or lager.
* Sun brand: Long the most popular stout on the Unix market, it was
discontinued in favor of a lager.
* Solaris brand: A lager, intended to replace Sun brand stout.
Unlike most lagers, this one has to be drunk more slowly than stout.
* SysV lager: Clear and thirst-quenching, but lacking the body of
stout or the sweetness of ale.
