--- In [email protected], "jim_flanegin" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Thank God those hellish free-falls don't last forever, > huh?
Nope, in my case, only about a year. A year of trying to fix all the shadow stuff before realizing that all I was doing was seeking yet another magic pill to fix all the shadow stuff. Then it really sank in that this is how I show up and how I'll likely always show up, and that THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL! That precipitated about three weeks of near suicidal depression from which I emerged in a state of self-acceptance that I'd wanted and waited for for 30 years. On the finite, dual-mind side, my experience was textbook embodied awakening per Waking Down teachings; I'm now vastly more aware of my internal human dynamic. However, at this point, I see it only in terms of having affected the thin ego/personality mask called John Alexander Stanley. But, as long as I'm going to have some identification with that mask, I may as well be comfortable with it and have a rockin' good time. Is Awakening, i.e., the big "E" to follow? I don't know, and I kinda don't really care. I either don't grok concepts of enlightenment or I latch on to conceptual fragments, so there's not much point in pining away for that which I don't get in the first place. I'm better off just being innocent and in the moment and letting things unfold and happen as they may. Besides, I have no desire or intention of achieving the kind of spacey, disembodied, dissociative state needed to achieve that �ber-benchmark of enlightenment, the witnessing of sleep. So, I'd never be anything more than "so-called awakened", anyway. <shrug> I can live with that. Alex To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
