Other than a few personal battles here, I think you will find this an interesting, safe place to post. I haven't seen anyone getting what they don't give here. You set the tone by how you write and how you respond. You can get into bickering wars but you can also ignore them and interact with people who nourish you.
You might find over time that some of the most intense posters have a valuable POV that makes the rough edges worth it. Or perhaps not. But either way it is up to you to set the tone of how you want to interact here. Many people here are ready to be kind and supportive. I hope you find them and enjoy this resource. I don't find ex-Tmers to be more negative than anyone else. It may not be as fluffy soft as the bunny crew, but there is plenty of heart on this board. Good luck! --- In [email protected], Bronte Baxter <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > > I speak as someone new to FFL who mostly lurks. I sometimes feel to share in a discussion but know that if I do, someone's sure to throw shit at me, and it just isn't worth it. I think a lot of women feel that way. It's why few women participate in this forum. > > As far as someone's suggestion that we just read the people we like and ignore the rest, it takes a long time for new people to figure out who is who in the forum. It's easier to just get up and leave. That causes FFL to become a rather incestuous little group, unleavened by fresh viewpoints. > > And where does it leave the new visitors, often people disillusioned or questioning TM, looking for a safe place to talk about and share experiences? They can't do it at Fairfield Life, unless they want to be fried and eaten for breakfast. And who wants that damage to their tender feeling level, when they're already working through enough shit from their confusing years in the movement? > > Sure, new people could put up a shield and get tough, but a lot of us don't want to. Certainly most women don't want to do that. We value the intelligence and sensitivity of our feelings, and don't choose to participate in forums where they are dealt with violently. So we visit a while and move on. But where are we to go? Where can we go to talk and explore spiritual issues, if not in a chatroom supposedly devoted to spirituality? > > I do understand how a chatroom of predominantly ex-TMers can become negative. For years we taught to "never entertain negativity," and the strain of that was enormous. We had to tippy-toe around and watch our words and manner, fake smiles on our faces, or we would likely get kicked out of the dome for a simple offhanded remark. It was like living surveilled by the Gestapo. People subjected year after year to that level of thought-and-speech monitoring are going to crack eventually. When we did crack, we did it in an eruption of forbidden expletives. For my part, I've been heartily using swear words ever since I left the movement 20 years ago. Every time I use one, it's a statement of independence and individuality. I hate the extremeness of the movement in demanding sweetness and light from its members, regardless of how they are feeling. > > But I also know that the other extreme is no better. To let ourselves turn into despairing, hating monsters on account of our abused past is a mistake. It hurts us personally, and our get-even attitude gets taken out on our undeserving fellow victims. In just the sort of attacks people make on each other sometimes here. > > I don't think personal attacks ever should be permitted in a forum that courts independent thought, vulnerability of expression and sincere sharing of experiences -- the sort of things that would help all of us heal the years we spent as victims. > > I do think we should be permitted to use swear words -- why the hell not, after all that we've been through? But even then, it's smart to self-monitor and keep it fairly decent. A post that's 90 percent full of barf and dogshit is going to turn off sensitive readers, certainly women like me, who would otherwise participate in FFL. > > Someone wrote that the existing rules are already there, they just need enforcing. Yeah, I think they do. Rick doesn't want to play the policeman, but that's part of the role of a moderator, isn't it? Sometimes policemen are needed in this world, as a necessary evil. If people can't self-regulate in a moment of rage, a rule-enforcing moderator provides a safety valve to stop a damaging post from going through. If it saves the feeling level of the group, and helps promote a higher level of discussion, isn't it worth the small pinch of rule-enforcement? I don't think Rick should have to read and "judge on" every post. He has no time for that. But if someone observed an attacking email and complained to him, he could put the sender on suspension for a couple of weeks. How hard is that? > > The question here is if the "townspeople" of FFL want to have a policeman, for their own security and greater freedom. Freedom in the long run: to talk deeper, more vulnerably, more sincerely than they presently can when they have to write each post with their guard up, or when they don't feel free to write at all. If the group does want this, Rick or someone else needs to step up to the plate. > > I belong to another chat room. It's about caring for rabbits. It's a nice place, and this is the policy on flames -- enforced and taken seriously: > > FLAME POLICY > > EtherBun is an unmoderated listserve. However, because we want EtherBun to be a happy place, the list owner and the EtherBun Advisory Committee insist that there will be NO FLAMING, EVER. A flame is defined as a personally insulting or derogatory post. Strong opinions, healthy disagreement and civil discussion are welcome on EtherBun, but flaming will not be tolerated. If you write a post voicing a strong opinion about a controversial issue, please DO NOT name other EtherBun subscribers personally. To do so invites hostility and fans the flames of war, which will not be tolerated on EtherBun. Offenders will be warned by the Advisory Committee, and repeat offenses will result in the offender's being deleted from the list. > If you are ever the victim of a private flame because of something that occurred on EtherBun, please forward a copy of the flame post to [EMAIL PROTECTED] At the discretion of the EtherBun Advisory Committee, the perpetrator will be warned and/or deleted from the list of subscribers. > > > > > To subscribe, send a message to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Or go to: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ > and click 'Join This Group!' > Yahoo! Groups Links > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell. >
