Oh Steve, I'm writing this through tears and wishing I could be by your
side, to cry with you and hold your hand. I'm so, so sorry you lost
your little loves. I'm glad you have some good memories of Loki's last
days with you, (I can picture him exploring the tall grass), and it does
give some comfort, to me, when I know I've done everything possible to
save them, I hope it does you too. I don't know if you believe in this,
or not, but I've been told that sometimes our animal friends come back
to us. If it's true, I'm sure Loki and Leelo will be back, this time in
strong, healthy bodies to spend many, many happy years with you. You're
such a wonderful dad. I'm sending all my love and sympathy to you, I
wish there were something else I could say or do, but all I can think of
is to tell you, I understand.
Much love,
Nina
Steve Williams wrote:
My last little love is gone. I had to put him to sleep late yesterday.
For the past two weeks, my every waking moment and thought has been
for and about Loki. I did put him on Prednisone a week ago and it
initial seemed to help, but very quickly it was as before. I then
called the vet and we doubled his dosage. Once again, it initially
seemed to help--though he seemed "drugged" this time--then quickly
faded to his former uncomfortable state. At no time, did the Pred
noticeably shrink the large tumor impeding his little lungs.
I had been letting him outside to wander in the tall spring grass
(weeds) all around the house. He loved it and it was a great
distraction and wonderful sensory stimulation for him. If Loki did
not have these wonderful days, I may have PTS sooner, as the nights
were uncomfortable for him--he could no longer lay on his side and his
lungs were pumping hard all the time.
Yesterday, too many changes took place: He was not enjoying the
out-of-doors like he had been, I did not see him drink water or eat
his dry food, he didn't want to bend down to eat his chicken baby food
treat (had to hold it up for him), and for the first time, he had a
slightly open mouth. At most other times during the day, he was lying
or sitting with labored breathing and looking very tired. I felt it
was the right time to stop subjecting Loki's system to new measures,
so I made the agonizing decision.
My 10 month, 10 day old Loki went peacefully and quickly and is now
buried next to his sister under "their" oak tree.
My beautiful brown/dark gray tiger kitty had a special personality,
quite different, but just as wonderful as his orange tabby sister
Leeloo. Both were chosen from the litter my sister and nieces were
raising because their stars seemed to burn very bright. These
kittens--the smallest of the litter--had unusually beautiful little
souls. Loki also had a smell, as his sister did; not the perfume my
girl kitty Leeloo had, but the smoky earthy scent of a boy kitty.
Perhaps like air smells during the first rain on dry soil. One could
say his scent tended a tiny bit toward chocolate and even cinnamon,
like one lister noticed of her boy kitty. I will miss him jumping up
to lay at the back of my neck and bending around to rub his face
against mine, purring all the while; coming to lay on his pillow at
the side of my computer to be near me; and turning over to rub his
back on the floor and to get his belly rubbed.
I will be morning his loss for a long time... I can't see a time when
I will stop. I know my pain will ease eventually and I know there
will soon be a time that I will no longer be exhausted from crying. I
loved my little Loki like there was no tomorrow.
Steve
