Nina, my heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for your pain. These
are such difficult, important, and soul-searching questions. I can
only answer of course from my own experience, but want to mention
that homeopathy also has ways of supporting the one who is about to
pass on, so you might talk to your homeopath.
I agree, I have always interpreted with animals and people, when they
won't take the food or liquid out of the syringe or dropper, it's
time for them to move to a different level. I usually allow my loved
ones to move at their own speed, unless there seems to be pain or
other difficulty.
I really don't know how difficult it is to euthanize an emaciated
animal - but they will pass on gently on their own. And, it's not
hard to ask your vet about a simple sedative for Grace if you feel
that's appropriate, and your dear Grace could remain at home. Also,
again, a good contact might be the homeopath, to give you gentle
suggestions on how to help Grace with making the transition.
Let us know, we all are with you as you help her with this passage.
Blessings,
Gloria
On Sep 22, 2005, at 9:18 AM, Nina wrote:
My Beloved Group,
First of all, I'm sorry I haven't been able to participate fully in
the group this last couple of weeks. I love you all, but for the
last couple of days, I haven't even been able bring myself to read
the posts. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted by Grace and
my last efforts to bring her back to health. Yesterday, I finally
resigned myself to thinking of our time together as 'death bed
vigil'. Those of you that know me, know that I pray all your
babies are safe and healthy, and those that are losing, or have
lost the battle; my love is with you. I don't know what I would
have done without the love and support of this group. You have
been a Godsend to me and my sweet fur angels.
Yesterday morning Gracie "told" me she does not want to stay.
Among other signs, I was syringe feeding her and she refused to
swallow. I'm trying my best to make peace with her decision. I
know you understand. She hasn't eaten on her own for a long time
now and she's skin and bones. She spent a nice peaceful day, and I
did my best to just "be with her". During the afternoon she made
it clear that she didn't want to be sung to, or touched. It's so
hard on me to watch her pull away. At one point, she seemed a bit
agitated so I ground up a tiny bit of Valium and gave it to her in
water. She was so relaxed she even did a stretch-semi roll out on
the patio in the sun. She did something that startled me, and got
my hopes up again. (I just can't stop believing in miracles). I
was giving the dogs treats and she was laying on the couch. Well,
we have this thing Grace and I. Whenever the dogs get treats she'd
come bounding over the barrier and expect one too. When she saw me
giving the dogs treats this afternoon, she jumped off the couch. I
started to cry, because I thought, there's no way she's going to
take a treat. I put one in front of her anyway and you could have
knocked me over with a sigh. It took her a minute to decide to eat
it, but she not only ate that one, but 3 more. Then she ate 3 or 4
pieces of kibble! My hopes were short lived though.
I've been up with her most of the night. She still doesn't want my
attention. She doesn't even want me to look at her, it's breaking
my heart to say goodbye, and I guess it may be making it harder for
her to go, although that is not my intention. It's not like I
don't want her to leave her body, I do. I want her suffering to be
over. Yesterday, when I knew it was time, I called my Internist's
office to see if Dr. Ortega would be willing to help her cross.
Grace has always liked Dr. Ortega, and I thought she would be
calmest with her. Well, my Internist isn't going to be in the
office until Friday. It doesn't seem possible that Grace will
still be here by then. My stance has always been, that when I know
it's the end, when I know that the chance of a recovery after
treatment isn't possible, then it's time to help them cross. Even
though Grace is peaceful, (she just lays on her side and breathes
shallow, but relaxed breaths), I have a hard time letting nature
take it's course. It's arrogant of me, but I can't stand seeing
her like this. I'm also so worried about her being in pain, when I
look in her eyes, she doesn't seem in pain, but she doesn't seem
like herself either. I wouldn't mind vacant, but it's almost like
she's... not quite angry, more like annoyed to still be here.
Just to let you know... Over the past week or so, I think I may
have mentioned it, we've been following an extensive homeopathic
regime with the help of a practitioner named Darla Palmer. While
it didn't save Grace, it did bring her back into her body, and for
brief glorious moments, back to me. It was such a joy to see the
Grace I know and love shining out of her eyes again.
Anyway, here's my question: Can anyone tell me how difficult it is
to put an animal to sleep in an emaciated condition? Of course, I
don't want to make things harder on her, I want to ease her
suffering. What if they can't find a vein, because they're so
small? I just want to know what to expect. I'm thinking of
calling a house call vet to see if he can come today, but I don't
want this to be harder on Grace. I'm still struggling with the
thought that my underlying motives might be to make things easier
on me. I just want to do what's right for Grace. My judgement is
clouded, my mind and heart are clouded as well. I don't even have
the energy to read this post over to see if it makes sense.
Thanks for always caring,
Nina
