RE: Second guesses...

[Hideyo Yamamoto]

Dear Becca,   First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss, I am very behind reading postings, but I wanted to write to you to let you know how sorry I am of your loss of your special baby, Passht.   I think it’s very normal, especially among us on the list, we regret or second guess everything we did and or did not do.  I still think about for the babies that I lost years ago.. if I didn’t… she would still be with me.. or if I did that…he would be still with me… no matter what other people say, I think we all ended up doing.. but, if you can’t do it for yourself, try to do it for your baby, Passht if at all possible, try not to beat yourself up for it.   I talk to AC (animal communicator) often, especially when I lose my babies.. I don’t believe that the end of this life is the end of connection to our babies.  So, I always wan to know how they are doing after they cross the bridge.  And almost 100% of the time, they are doing better or at least, physically they feel much better that they were before they crossed the bridge.. though emotionally, we so very much miss each other.  But most of them do not like it when I feel guilty or feel depressed over their loss – they know that I did everything I could at any given time, and they know that I would do anything I could have done..and they feel bad when I feel bad.. so they usually ask me to stay happy and stay positive so that I have a good positive energy for other kitties.. so, whenever I feel like crying, I think of the ones I lost and try to be happy and positive for them, which seems to make them feel happier.. and I just have a feeling that Passht might be feeling the same way..she know how much you love her and that’s all matters to her..   Love and hugs to you and Passht..   Hideyo   From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Becca DuBose Sent: Thursday, March 02, 2006 3:37 PM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Second guesses...   I suppose it's normal to second guess every choice, everything I did or didn't do. Starting with the reading I should have done months if not years ago.  Paassht developed Horner's syndrome in October 2004.  I read today that this may be a sign of mediastinal lymphoma (http://maxshouse.com/Oncology/feline_lymphoma_and_leukemias.htm).  Paassht was a very active cat - we frequently remarked upon her "eternal kittenhood" - and she was still very healthy at that time with no other signs of illness. I've been agonizing over not giving her a dose of prednisone (prescribed by her regular vet on Monday) on Monday night.  I was going to wait until Tuesday because I thought she'd had enough stress for one day.  I also wasn't sure I could safely give her a pill, even a tiny half tablet.  I just can't stop wondering if it could have had any effect on the fluid buildup. Add to that some regrets over taking her somewhere unfamiliar, to a doctor who didn't really know her.  They offered to call our regular vet and now I wish I'd had them do so.  I would feel much better knowing her regular doctor concurred. Becca Missing Paassht http://paassht.blogspot.com/