First you need to verbalize your fears and concerns, not keep them inside
and this group is very good at listening and being non-judgmental.
No, you don't get over it........at least I don't. But, hopefully, you get
to the point that you don't let the future ruin the present. None of us
know when or how we are going to die. Even the person in a hospital who has
been told he will die tomorrow may live or die earlier. You may step in
front of a car or be under a falling airplane. Try not to obsess over it
and enjoy the present. Dixie is doing a very good job of teaching me this.
I take her to regular vets (not often, she is very healthy) and to
alternative vets (fairly regularly just to keep up her immune system).
Dixie has the opportunity to talk to some ACs I know and I have hired Ann
Baumbach to talk to her when those who know her are too close to a
situation. Yes, you worry. Then you do every thing in your power and with
her consent to keep her healthy and much more importantly happy. Dixie is
now on Primal raw food supplemented by some very good canned foods (no
grains thank you) and home cooked meals. Believe it or not she enjoys
broccoli and carrots finely chopped and mixed with her food. I buy organic
for her whenever possible-----don't ask what I buy for me. I use Brush Away
on her teeth since FeLV can cause problems there and she does have some. An
alterative vet recommended it and all you do is put it in their mouths. A
great preventative for your dear.
Don't regret having the love of this little one or loving her........regret
that she has been exposed to FeLV but know that it is not a death sentence.
Dixie has honored me with her very healthy and happy presence for over two
years now. Soon she will have the second anniversary of her diagnosis. Had
it not been for that she would still be living outside with the other
ferals/strays/throw-always who visit my Mom for food and shelter. The test
proved to be a blessing for me since it put her very much in my life and
perhaps for her given her circumstances then and now.
You may want to consider talking to an AC with MeMe. Explain your fears and
love to MeMe and ask her to help you live in the present. She is picking up
your anxiety and that is not good for either of you. She needs to
understand what is going on.
Blessings to you.
If you have men who will
exclude any of God's creatures
from the shelter of
compassion and pity, you will have men who
will deal likewise with
their fellow man.
St.
Francis
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jane Lyons" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, May 28, 2007 8:11 AM
Subject: questions
Cassandra you and Kisa are in my thoughts and prayers.
Does the anxiety and sadness ever go away? I feel as though
I am still in shock with the diagnosis. I feel I am back to the place
I was when my 19 year old (NoNo) was failing and I would wake up every
few hours to make sure she was ok. The feelings of impending loss
and sadness became like a low grade fever for many months. When it
became clear that she was in pain and had to cross, I was prepared and
relieved to be free of the fear and anxiety and sadness that became a part
of the end of her long and happy life and our infinite bond.
When I brought this kitten (MeMe) home, I was exhilarated by her sweetness
and
smitten by the antics of a young cat. It had been a long time since
someone had
propelled themselves across the room from a counter top to the back of my
neck.
She sleeps between us in the same spot that NoNo had for 19 years.
The Feline Leukemia diagnosis has brought back the sadness and bittersweet
feelings
of loss and mortality and connectedness. While I am committed to doing
whatever I can to
give her the best care and support available, will I ever be able to hold
her and kiss her
without a surge of sadness and regret and longing? Does the shock of this
disease ever move
to a place of acceptance and appreciation for the present time and moment.
I realize that what I am asking has to do with my own consciousness and
ability to live in
the moment with gratitude that I selected this dear, sweet being to love
and care for.
She's sitting on my lap, purring and I am typing. I guess that is an
answer.
Thanks for listening.
Jane
