Lynne, I don't think you're alone in reacting the way you did at your
mom's death.  I'm sorry that she, and you, had to go through 5 years  of
that kind of hell.  My mother died a few years ago, after 3 years in a
nursing home, and at the end was so far from what she had been a few
years before that we were probably both relieved. When the first cat I
owned by myself, Saavik, died, I was sad but also a little relieved,
since I had been worried, as she aged, about losing her and then it
happened (acute renal failure, so not a lot of warning) and I cried, a
lot (and still do sometimes when I think of her), but that part of it
was over and I'd lived through it.  My other cat was quite a bit
younger, so I knew that barring calamity I wouldn't have to worry about
THAT for a while again, and it was a relief.  Now HE's getting up there,
and there have been others in between, and it turns out you do get past
the sadness. 
The same wonderful woman that Jane mentions, Nina, also brought me to
this list with my stray Patches, and had a lot of wise words for me all
through our ordeal together, which was actually only a matter of weeks.
The circumstances of Patches' entering the lives of me and my housemate
Gail were so odd that I do tend to believe Nina when she told me he'd
been "sent" to us.  It was 3 a.m. on the Sunday before July 4, which was
on a Tuesday that year.  I just happened to be awake at that outlandish
hour, and noticed one of my cats howling at something outside.  I went
to the enclosed porch to investigate, and there was this big disheveled
boy demanding attention!  So we brought him in, and got him cleaned up
and de-matted -- he had mats so huge they were like big angel wings, and
must have been hurting him terribly.  I think now that he came to us
because we would clean him up, make him comfortable and love him for the
little time it turned out he had. I don't think we'd have been great
FeLV mommies in the long run -- with the supplements and the vet visits
and the top-of-line food, and we had 4 other cats we'd have had to have
vaccinated regularly and our resources are okay but not endless -- but
he didn't need us in the long run.  We beat ourselves up considerably
that we weren't able to save him by the sheer force of our will, but
possibly that was Patches' lesson to us, that you can't, always. ;-)


[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Lynne
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 7:13 AM
Subject: Re: for Lynne - good stories

This may be very true Jane.  On the other hand it has crossed my mind
that I personally am being taught some kind of lesson about the need to
be sad.  My mom passed away last year after a horrible 5 years of
Alzheimer's.  The final two years she was in a nursing home and the
deterioration over that period of time was dramatic, to the point that
one day when I went to visit her I walked right past her because she
looked nothing like my mom.  The night she died, my sister, brother and
I stayed until her last breath.  My siblings broke down crying but not
me.  I believe I made a sigh of relief and I have never shed a tear over
her passing.  I think it's because I had to be responsible for her care
and I know I did all I could.  The other two did little for her.  I hope
that when BooBoo's time comes I can let go as easily as I did with my
mom but I doubt it.  With these little guys we have to make the
decisions about when they go.  I won't let him suffer but it will be
hard.  We held our big Chuckie when he had to be euthanized, drove him
home in the middle of the night and buried him in the pouring rain.
That was 20 years ago and I still choke up when I think of him.

        ----- Original Message ----- 
        From: Jane Lyons <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>  
        Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 10:19 PM
        Subject: Re: for Lynne - good stories

        Great Lynne ...that would be wonderful. You've found a good vet!

        Not too long ago, when I was as 'shell shocked' as you are now,
a woman (Nina) who was on this list told me that
        it is her belief that these Felv kitties are often 'sent' to us
to teach us how to let go of our fear of loss, and how
        to live as they do, in the moment. I've found it to be so true.
I hope with some time, you'll feel that way about
        BooBoo. It will get better.  
        0It sounds as though you and your husband are going to give him
every thing you can to
        fight this battle. He's so lucky to have found you.

        On Feb 14, 2008, at 8:30 PM, Lynne wrote:

                Jane, I think that's a wonderful idea.  I was telling
our vet about "the good stories" tonight and he was very interested.
We've determined this is a really terrific guy we've found.  He's
attempting to adopt out a just diagnosed FelV cat because as he confided
to us tonight, he just loves this cat and doesn't want to see her put
down.  Like I mentioned, if that is what the owners decide to do, we've
told him we will take her.

                        ----- Original Message -----
                        From: Jane Lyons <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>

                        Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 8:05 PM
                        Subject: Re: for Lynne - good stories

                        I've just printed out a bunch of copies of "the
good stories". I'm going to 
                        give them to my vet when I stop in to get DMG
tomorrow. Vets should
                        have hopeful stories to share with clients who
were as devastated as we all were.

                        Thanks again, Kerry. It was so good of you to
put these together.

                        On Feb 14, 2008, at 11:49 AM, [EMAIL PROTECTED]
<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>  wrote:

                                Thanks for adding the stories as I
remember them when I joined many moons ago.
                                It is refreshing to see this again.
                                Still say that when the cure or vaccine
to help the kitties I will eat a piece of Cheesecake as part of
celebrating. (I can't stand the stuff...yuck)
                                But will do it for the ones we have lost
and for the current ones battling this horrible disease.
                                The day will come when a cure will
happen but not soon enough for me.
                                Bless all of you of caring and loving
your Felv kitties!
                                TAZZY'S ANIMAL TRANSPORTS
                                SIAMESE & COLLIE RESCUE
                                Terrie Mohr-Forker
                                TAZZY'S ANIMAL TRANSPORTS


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