Dear Rebecca,
Don't think for a minute that you are bothering
anyone. Too many of us know what you're going through.
I lost my Smooch on April 14. He had been diagnosed in
October. Previously, I knew he had hemobartonellis,
which is an infectious anemia caused by a blood
parasite spread by fleas. That I thought we could
control. Then we found out that he had feline
leukemia, and you talk about guilt trips, I went on
one.
Smooch was an indoor cat, but he had been outside
occasionally, under supervision. I stopped having him
vaccinated against felv and rabies several years ago
because he kept getting vaccination site sarcomas. The
vet and I were both afraid one would turn cancerous.
So, as it turns out, by trying to do something I
thought was good for him, I did something that was bad
for him in the long run. But knowing what I knew then,
I did what I thought was right at the time......based
on very little information and absolutely no idea of
what was to come out of that decision later.
And that's what you did. The best you could at the
time based on the information you had. Please don't
blamed yourself. You didn't have any way of knowing
that the vaccines, etc., weren't 100 percent. You
didn't cost your baby his life -- this terrible,
horrible, god-awful plague of a disease did that.
I still cry for my Smoochycat every day. I still go to
his grave to talk to him at least twice a week. He's
buried at my parent's house near the honeysuckle bush
that he used to love to try to eat when he got to
visit them.
Your experience with the severe anemia sounds very,
very much like what we went through with Smooch, so
familiar.....
You will never get over this loss, and no one will
ever take Aspen's place. But you have learned through
painful experience how to care for a kitty and see him
or her through this dreaded illness, and it will help
you in your fight to keep L'il Rio healthy.
Geez -- this is getting long. But I just want you to
know that you are definitely not alone......we're all
right here for you. And when you really, really miss
Aspen, remember one thing......he is still right there
in your heart where he always was, and now he is free
from suffering and pain. My boyfriend tells me that on
a daily basis. Usually, it helps. Hope it helps you.
Sorry I got longwinded.
Best wishes,
Anita
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