Well said.

It was very brave of Thomas to come back and apologise like that. Now could we please get back to what we are supposed to be discussing?

Thanks very much everyone.

Amanda

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Bryan Peterson" <bpeterson2...@cableone.net>
Sent: Thursday, July 21, 2011 3:05 PM
To: "Gamers Discussion list" <gamers@audyssey.org>
Subject: Re: [Audyssey] A Sincere Apology to the List

Please Daron, don't stir things up again. That was a sincere apology and should be taken as such. Nobody's perfect after all. There's a lot more I could say but I'll refrain from cluttering up the list any further.
We are the Knights who saaaaay...Ni!
----- Original Message ----- From: "darren harris" <darren_g_har...@btinternet.com>
To: "'Gamers Discussion list'" <gamers@audyssey.org>
Sent: Thursday, July 21, 2011 7:34 AM
Subject: Re: [Audyssey] A Sincere Apology to the List


Hello Thomas,

You said:

I guess what I'm trying to say here is simply this. E-mail is a very
impersonal form of communication. To us it is just a bunch of text on the
screen that gets read back to us via our screen reader of choice without any
sense of the emotion, intent, or purpose behind it. It is us, the reader,
who interpret it and assign emotions and intent to that message. It
sometimes is interpreted correctly, and sometimes it can lead to
misunderstandings and hurt feelings on both sides. Which is what I feel
happened yesterday.

I think that the use of colourful language was pretty well understood. You
"were" a moderator on this list at that time. as a moderator you would in
the passed pull people up for using such trivial words as hell, yet
yesterday you knowingly go and break practically every single rule in the
book. But then again we can look back in the passed and see you breaking
rules whilst pulling people up for said very same thing so perhaps I
shouldn't be so surprised.


You said:

In my message yesterday I made reference to some problems with my marriage,
and let me say these are quite true, and as you might expect it is a very
stressful and painful time for me. I consider the issue very personal so I
don't want to get into it at any real length, but my wife and I have been
having problems for quite a long time now and the situation has tended to
progress from bad to worse. We have been arguing about everything from our
family finances to how much time I spend on my computer working on games
when she feels I should be spending that time with her or my son.

Well Thomas sorry to hear you're having problems. Relationship difficulties
are never easy. I very nearly allowed my relationship to be destroyed
through my lack of willingness to accept that I suffer from depression. It
was only when my wife to be hit breaking point and nearly left me that I
pulled my finger out my butt and decided to do something about things
instead of mood swinging in multiple directions. But we all have choices in life. Looks like you need to reassess your priorities or not only could you be losing a wife you could be losing a son as well and I think that's sad to
be very honest. But having said that, your problems are no more the
responsibility of this community than it is responsible for my depressive
states. Sorry to sound blunt but that really is the way it is. so what if it
takes you longer to develop your games and software, if that saves your
marriage then isn't that worth it? you're letting other people put pressure
on you when really it's you that needs to take a firm hand of your
situation.


You said:

Here is an example of what I mean. On July 4th my wife wanted to go to the fireworks as a family as we do every year, but I didn't want to go because for me listening to fireworks is nothing but a bunch of loud noise. I felt
those two hours or so could be better spend at home working on game code,
editing sounds, and working on game documentation. It went over with her
like a rock, and that started an argument that ruined the entire evening for
us both.

I'm not surprised. The forth of july is a celebratory event which happens
once a year and should be spent with family friends and loved ones. Also
kids lets be honest they aren't going to stay kids for ever are they? My
partner does things sometimes with me that I enjoy but she doesn't
necessarily enjoy so much if at all. thus the saying give and take.

You said:

Having these kinds of personal issues is bad enough, but there are certain individuals in this community who are pushing, nagging, and putting pressure on me to release Mysteries of the Ancients and Raceway on some unrealistic
time table I can't simply meet and have any kind of time for my family,
work, etc. I don't know if it is their ignorance of how much time and energy
it takes to complete a game of any size, they are just self-centered, or
both. Either way you look at it their constant nagging, complaining, etc
just makes the situation that much worse for me because I have to make a
daily choice how to assign my free time which comes down to work on said
games or spend it with my family. Those of you who aren't married, don't
have family obligations and responcibilities, might not understand exactly
what that feels like, or appreciate the situation I am in here.

Again it boils down to priorities. Don't get me wrong, people hassling
someone over how long something is going to take to be develop is rather
stupid an I'd be the first one to agree with that point. But you can choose how to deal with it. you can either put your wife and child first and slow work down on your projects, or you can continue working on your projects at the same speed if not faster and as a result lose your family effectively.
It comes down to balancing things out. What's more important to you after
all said and done? that's the biggest question.


You said:

Which brings us to Wednesday morning. I was already upset, not in a good
mood, when I opened gmail and began reading my mail that morning.
It was to everyone's misfortune that Che chose that day, of all days, to
write a message to the list standing up for his fellow developers, and
weather he intended to or not I felt extremely insulted by him calling me a programming elitist as well as a few other things he said in his messages,
and that basically was enough to push me over the edge. I got extremely
angry and reacted poorly. As I said earlier there is no excuse for my
disgraceful behavior, but at the time I was not thinking to clearly. You
might say I went into a mindless rage, and it was only hours later after I
cooled down that I thought about the results of my actions and saw how
poorly I handled the situation.

Yes you're right you did handle it badly not just as a user but as a person
who is in a responsible position on this list.

Yes we are all only human and yes we all make mistakes fair enough. I've
made plenty of them. but at the end of the day this isn't the first time
Thomas is it that you've been pulled up by users when it comes to
programming and the like. If someone on here had done what you did yesterday you would have hauled them over the coals, threatened moderation and maybe
even banning them. can you give a reason as to why you perhaps should or
shouldn't suffer the same fate?

Well I do have to give you credit where credit is due, you did come back and write before the whole list community. But in my honest opinion you should
never be allowed to moderate this list again.



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If you want to leave the list, send E-mail to gamers-unsubscr...@audyssey.org.
You can make changes or update your subscription via the web, at
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All messages are archived and can be searched and read at
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