Hello Thomas, You said:
I guess what I'm trying to say here is simply this. E-mail is a very impersonal form of communication. To us it is just a bunch of text on the screen that gets read back to us via our screen reader of choice without any sense of the emotion, intent, or purpose behind it. It is us, the reader, who interpret it and assign emotions and intent to that message. It sometimes is interpreted correctly, and sometimes it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings on both sides. Which is what I feel happened yesterday. I think that the use of colourful language was pretty well understood. You "were" a moderator on this list at that time. as a moderator you would in the passed pull people up for using such trivial words as hell, yet yesterday you knowingly go and break practically every single rule in the book. But then again we can look back in the passed and see you breaking rules whilst pulling people up for said very same thing so perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised. You said: In my message yesterday I made reference to some problems with my marriage, and let me say these are quite true, and as you might expect it is a very stressful and painful time for me. I consider the issue very personal so I don't want to get into it at any real length, but my wife and I have been having problems for quite a long time now and the situation has tended to progress from bad to worse. We have been arguing about everything from our family finances to how much time I spend on my computer working on games when she feels I should be spending that time with her or my son. Well Thomas sorry to hear you're having problems. Relationship difficulties are never easy. I very nearly allowed my relationship to be destroyed through my lack of willingness to accept that I suffer from depression. It was only when my wife to be hit breaking point and nearly left me that I pulled my finger out my butt and decided to do something about things instead of mood swinging in multiple directions. But we all have choices in life. Looks like you need to reassess your priorities or not only could you be losing a wife you could be losing a son as well and I think that's sad to be very honest. But having said that, your problems are no more the responsibility of this community than it is responsible for my depressive states. Sorry to sound blunt but that really is the way it is. so what if it takes you longer to develop your games and software, if that saves your marriage then isn't that worth it? you're letting other people put pressure on you when really it's you that needs to take a firm hand of your situation. You said: Here is an example of what I mean. On July 4th my wife wanted to go to the fireworks as a family as we do every year, but I didn't want to go because for me listening to fireworks is nothing but a bunch of loud noise. I felt those two hours or so could be better spend at home working on game code, editing sounds, and working on game documentation. It went over with her like a rock, and that started an argument that ruined the entire evening for us both. I'm not surprised. The forth of july is a celebratory event which happens once a year and should be spent with family friends and loved ones. Also kids lets be honest they aren't going to stay kids for ever are they? My partner does things sometimes with me that I enjoy but she doesn't necessarily enjoy so much if at all. thus the saying give and take. You said: Having these kinds of personal issues is bad enough, but there are certain individuals in this community who are pushing, nagging, and putting pressure on me to release Mysteries of the Ancients and Raceway on some unrealistic time table I can't simply meet and have any kind of time for my family, work, etc. I don't know if it is their ignorance of how much time and energy it takes to complete a game of any size, they are just self-centered, or both. Either way you look at it their constant nagging, complaining, etc just makes the situation that much worse for me because I have to make a daily choice how to assign my free time which comes down to work on said games or spend it with my family. Those of you who aren't married, don't have family obligations and responcibilities, might not understand exactly what that feels like, or appreciate the situation I am in here. Again it boils down to priorities. Don't get me wrong, people hassling someone over how long something is going to take to be develop is rather stupid an I'd be the first one to agree with that point. But you can choose how to deal with it. you can either put your wife and child first and slow work down on your projects, or you can continue working on your projects at the same speed if not faster and as a result lose your family effectively. It comes down to balancing things out. What's more important to you after all said and done? that's the biggest question. You said: Which brings us to Wednesday morning. I was already upset, not in a good mood, when I opened gmail and began reading my mail that morning. It was to everyone's misfortune that Che chose that day, of all days, to write a message to the list standing up for his fellow developers, and weather he intended to or not I felt extremely insulted by him calling me a programming elitist as well as a few other things he said in his messages, and that basically was enough to push me over the edge. I got extremely angry and reacted poorly. As I said earlier there is no excuse for my disgraceful behavior, but at the time I was not thinking to clearly. You might say I went into a mindless rage, and it was only hours later after I cooled down that I thought about the results of my actions and saw how poorly I handled the situation. Yes you're right you did handle it badly not just as a user but as a person who is in a responsible position on this list. Yes we are all only human and yes we all make mistakes fair enough. I've made plenty of them. but at the end of the day this isn't the first time Thomas is it that you've been pulled up by users when it comes to programming and the like. If someone on here had done what you did yesterday you would have hauled them over the coals, threatened moderation and maybe even banning them. can you give a reason as to why you perhaps should or shouldn't suffer the same fate? Well I do have to give you credit where credit is due, you did come back and write before the whole list community. But in my honest opinion you should never be allowed to moderate this list again. --- Gamers mailing list __ Gamers@audyssey.org If you want to leave the list, send E-mail to gamers-unsubscr...@audyssey.org. You can make changes or update your subscription via the web, at http://audyssey.org/mailman/listinfo/gamers_audyssey.org. All messages are archived and can be searched and read at http://www.mail-archive.com/gamers@audyssey.org. If you have any questions or concerns regarding the management of the list, please send E-mail to gamers-ow...@audyssey.org.
