I love cheese grits! Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
-----Original Message----- From: Helen Huntley <[email protected]> Sender: [email protected] Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2011 12:46:59 To: <[email protected]> Reply-To: [email protected] Subject: Re: [gatortalk] Speaking of grits... I don't care what they say; I like cheese mixed in with my grits. On Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 9:47 AM, Jay Cicone <[email protected]>wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > *What Are Grits* > > > * > > Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are > harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around > them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white > corn. > > These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as > good as Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that > the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their > time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating > that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining > down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them > to eat Grits without these key ingredients. > > How Grits are Formed. > > Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes > over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in > South Carolina, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull > dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners > lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning > after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is > out of the question). > > Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of > Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are > Elmer's Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been > shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children. > > Historical Grits > > As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the > Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard > from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this > time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public > due to their rarity. > > The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of > Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum > Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.) > > The 10 Commandments of Grits > > * Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits > * Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife > * Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is > blasphemy . > * Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits. > * Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy > Grits. > * Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits. > * Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits. > * Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits. > * Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch. > * Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven. > > How to Cook Grits > > For one serving of Grits: > Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 TBsp of Grits. > Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water. When a > pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to > cooking grits.(Some folks like their's soupy and that's OK) > > How to make red eye gravy > Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and > add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and > biscuits. > > How to Eat Grits > Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous > portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) > The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold > a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, > you have the correct amount of butter.) > > In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. > Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. > Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing > because they caused cancer, rotten teeth and impotence. > > Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 > Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.) > > Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat > Grits.. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the > tines of the fork. > > The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream > or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.) > > Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think its > Cream of Wheat! > > Ways to Eat Leftover Grits: (Leftover grits are extremely rare) > > Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, > Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight. > The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. > Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking > oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. > > Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, > of course, unacceptable. > > TRADITIONAL BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS > > May the lord bless these grits, > May no Damnyankee ever get the recipe, > May I eat grits every day while living, > And may I die while eating grits. > > AMEN * > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! > 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions > 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions > 2008 National Football Champions | > Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), > Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us -- Helen Huntley (727) 823-3801 www.helenhuntley.com -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us
