>
>PLEASE HELP!
>
>This letter was composed by a little boy in Balaklavia who is dying from
>lung cancer due to second hand smoke and drunk driving. Please forward this
>letter to as many people as you can, so that this little starving boy with
>no arms can get one last wish...To annoy as many people as possible with
>e-mail. Please, for every time this mail gets sent, 3 cents will be donated
>to the Save-The-Starving-Little-Balaklavian-Boy-With-No-Arms Fund. Really.
>There is no realistic way that all the mails can be counted, but hey, if
>you don't send this anyway, you're selfish and you're going straight to
>hell. Or maybe you'll come back in YOUR next life as a little Balaklavian
>boy with no arms.
>
>Send this letter to as many people as you can.
>If you send it to...
>
>1 person -- 1 person will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
>letter
>
>5 people -- 5 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
>letter
>
>10 people -- 10 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
>letter
>
>15 people -- 15 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
>chain letter
>
>20 people -- 20 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
>letter
>
>30 people -- 30 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
>letter
>
>35 people -- 35 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
>letter
>
>40 people -- Your crush will ask you out on a date.
>
>41 people -- Your crush will ask you to have sex with him/her on Sesame
>Street.
>
>43 people -- Your crush will die, and be replaced with a new, better
>looking crush.
>
>44 1/2 people-Your crush will crush you with a huge boulder, and you'llget
>sick twisted jollies out of it.
>
>47 people -- Your crush will mutate and grow an extra arm, which he/she
>will use to perform bizarre sex acts on you.
>
>You MUST send at least 300 copies of this letter. If you don't an evil
>curse will be put on you. For instance, John Fargo of Fargo, PA
>deleted this mail as soon as he got it. Then he got up, called a friend, and
>went to a movie, because he has a life. Or how about Lenore Poe, of
>Tromaville, who deleted this mail when she got it? She got into her car and
>drove to work. Or take poor Mr. Arnold Cartman, who accidentally only sent
>part of this letter to his crush. He died. So did his crush. Of course,
>that was because of all of the STDs. (They worked on Sesame Street.)
>
>Please send this letter to all your loser hacker friends. The little
>Balaklavian boy with no arms needs your help. Remember, as the Spice Girls
>once said, "I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ah." Think about
>it.
>
>
>PART II:
>
>What is a true friend?
>Here's a poem I wrote about being a friend. It's called, "Being a Friend."
>
>"Being a Friend"
>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>A friend is someone you can count on
>A friend is someone who loves you all the time
>A friend is someone who loves you for who you are
>A friend is someone who loves you even though you're disgustingly ugly
>A friend is someone who smokes crack with you
>A friend is someone who sends you countless stupid chain e-mails
>A friend is someone who tells you if you smell like shit
>A friend is someone who tells all your other friends you smell like shit
>A friend is someone who always holds on to you, even after the restraining
>order
>A friend is a person to douse in marshmallow fluff and then lick clean
>A friend is someone who comes to your house while you are out and cleans
>Up for you, then picks up her check and leaves, and doesn't speak much
>English.
>
>Oh, wait, that's the cleaning lady.
>
>A friend is someone who pays for you cleaning lady
>A friend is someone who pays for your dominatrix
>A friend is someone who is a cleaning lady and a dominatrix on weekends
>A friend is someone who helps you kill starving Balaklavian boys
>A friend is someone who helps you devour the remains of your victims
>
>So next time you go drunk driving with a friend
>Remember that chain mail he sent you about how a friend
>Should never let his/her friend drive drunk
>And remember how many copies he/she sent you
>And when you crash into a telephone pole,
>Aim so that it hits the passenger side.
>
>I hope you liked the poem! Now send this to as many Balaklavian boys that
>you are friends with, so that they don't drive drunk and so that if they
>do, you won't have to face their ugly crack-whore moms, because you'll have
>escaped to Cuba with 5 kilos and a gat.
>
>
>PART III:
>
>:)
>:)
>:)
>:)
>:)
>:)
>:)
>
>This is the shining smiley-face Hawaiian totem of love. If you send it to 5
>people within the next 3 minutes, you will get mad honeys. If you
>accidentally send it to 6 people instead, you will die instantly. Good
>Luck! :)
>
>
>
>PART IV:
>
>LAST "GOODTIMES" VIRUS WARNING.
>
>Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
>scramble any disks that aren't even close to your computer. It will
>re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream
>goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw
>up the tracking on your television & VCR and use sub-space field harmonics
>to scratch any CD's you try to play. It will give your ex-girlfriend your
>new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid into your fishtank. It will drink
>all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's
>company coming over. It will put a dead cockroach in the back pocket of
>your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
>Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
>nightmares about circus midgets.
>
>It will pour sugar into your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows
>while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner &
>hotel room to your Discover card. It will slander your grandmother. It
>does not matter if she is dead or not, such is the power of Goodtimes,it
>reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. It
>moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will
>kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your bosses voice mail
>in your voice. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying
>to behold.
>
>It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. Goodtimes will give you
>Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch
>of Methanphedime in your bath tub and leave bacon cooking on your stove
>while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
